Since beginning my caregiver journey, I have noticed that I’m not excited about things I love anymore. I have learned to set boundaries and put myself first but the damage has already been done. I’m in counseling but can’t afford to go weekly which would really benefit me. I’m just reaching out to see if anyone else is experiencing this?
The stress alone has changed me and I am no spring chicken either, age 76. My nasty mother is in her 99th year, no dementia, just not a nice person. Stepmother in MC, age 86 and can live for many years yet.
Never dreamed that this would be my "Golden Years"!
When people made the comment to my mom that she would live to be 100, she would say, “I certainly hope that I don’t!” She was ready to die long before she did at age 95. Parkinson’s disease is brutal in the latter stages. Mom’s brother also had Parkinson’s disease and he lived until he was 96.
My great aunts all lived into their late 90’s, surprisingly in good health.
As well as my cousin who recently died at age 101! Her body finally gave out. No walker, no wheelchair, she was a tiny little spitfire! The woman drove and went to her high school reunion up until she was 100 years old! She was invited to attend class reunions as the oldest former student.
I don’t think that I want to live as long as many of the women in my family.
When my Ex crashed and burned from an apparent mini-stroke, it all stopped. I had to quit my new job, lost my Council seat by 700 votes (after getting 6,000). I was overwhelmed with helping him clean up his hoarded condo, to get it sold. My house and garage are now filled with his junk, and he doesn't lift a finger around here. To get him into a VA home, I had to arrange and drive him to numerous doctor appts, make calls, fill out forms and cook and do dishes constantly.
I miss my musician friends and their concerts. I miss working on videos, doing photos and side jobs. I'm stuck inside my now cluttered home and hate it. Every time I tried to get away a few days, I never could.
I used to be so excited about being invited to so many events, dressing up and being basically a local celebrity. Now I'm old and tired. I'm never happy about much anymore. I pretend to be happy as the VA stalls and drags out housing a Vietnam Combat Veteran with no siblings or family left. I've been at this 2 years in December, and I get so depressed I can't even think.
I'm doing a Trust to make sure nobody ever gets stuck being a caregiver for me.
My life was a living hell when I was living with my mother and being her caregiver. In fact, I was at a point where I had given up on myself and became a totally different person. Even less than a shell of the person I was. Now mind you I did caregiving as work for 25 years and it was well enough, but being back home and dealing with my mother who truly needed help and it wasn't her hypochondria and other mental illnesses, all but destroyed me.
I had isolated myself from my friends and family. Her negativity, instigating, gaslighting, verbal abuse, manipulation, berating and belitting on a daily basis stripped me bare of all the things that made me myself and I gave up.
I was able to drag myself out of that hole with the help of my ex-husband, my son, and a lot of hard work on my part. Everyone needs help though.
Its awful! Between the trauma from my childhood and now having to be there for him when he wasn’t there for me is almost unbearable. The latest thing is that he won’t always wear a pull-up because he doesn’t want to and it causes me to have to change the linens on his bed several times per week at times and dealing with soiled clothes. If it were not for this forum and a few good friends and a family member, I couldn’t make it
How are you doing these days? What is the latest news regarding your mom?
We can’t do this job alone. We need help, either from an agency or a facility.
There is one lady who helps out but she also has another job. I’m searching for other help. I looked at myself in the mirror and I don’t even look the same. My eating habits are terrible because I often “stress eat” which has caused weight gain. Most agencies are very expensive but something is going to have to be done.
I also kind of resent the people who said call me anytime and then fell off the face of the earth. I really couldn’t use the help they were offering because they can’t do hands on with mom’s toileting issues. But just a text once in a while saying they’re thinking of me would be nice.
I hadn't realized how severely the stress of CG for his mom had affected him. He was (well, still is) very, very depressed.
But the night after the funeral, as we sat around with all of our kids and the men began planning a very epic golf weekend on some premier courses--he came to life! He CAN go for a week for a golfing trip with his favorite guys! Seeing and hearing him be enthusiastic about something was like music to my ears. I hope he spends a lot of money and eats too much and has the greatest time.
He's been so depressed for so long, I am not sure he will understand how great joy can feel. He was a dutiful son and brother and that is almost all over now. He is the executor for his mom's estate, but it's going to be fairly easy.
The last year, all he did was care for his mom, run to her house every time she fell (frequently!) and try to deal with her ever changing moods and demands. Yes, he did get some golfing in, but hanging over any and all activities were his mother's needs.
I have great hopes for him to be able to move on and find the funny, nice guy I married underneath all the FOG.