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Of course, you don't want her to be mad at you. You value your relationship with your beloved parent. This is a hard situation for sure. Everyone wants to stay independent and losing your ability to drive is a big blow! I dread when I get to that stage in life.

It sounds like you have been a caring and considerate child. Your mom is lucky to have you.

I think that gentle conversations, albeit it hard, are in order. Have you been in the car as your parent drove? Is she unsafe? If so, point out the ways that she is unsafe. She may realize that it is time to give up her license with your gentle persuasion.

I try to ride with my aged mother once a month. As much as I don't want to be a passenger, I need to know how her driving is. Aside from parking poorly and driving a bit slow, my mother is a decent driver. I have told her not to drive at night and not to go on a highway, and stay close to home. She is willing to make that accommodation to keep driving.

Wishing you the best in this hard time in life.
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Sorry to learn about your mother's situation. Move your mother into memory care, have her doctor report her to the DMV as an unsafe driver and disable her car. She can no longer safely drive.
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I did it in Florida, and it was totally anonymous. I also got her PCP to file a report which moved it along a little faster. When they sent her a letter informing her ,we just said it must have been “ the doctors” that reported her. Broke my heart but may have saved someone’s life!
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You must remove that car from the home.She will get hurt or hurt innocent others.Let her fuss, but think of us. 13 hrs a week is not enough supervision.I can not understand how any of this is tolerated.You should choose the best home for her.Time for action.
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A common thread in many posts is "I am afraid he/she will be mad at me", like that is a major issue. So what if she gets mad, you are doing what is best for her. It is no longer about her many wants, it is about her needs, and if she cannot make a rational decision someone else will have to do it for her.

Most important, have a DBPR and get her off the road.

She can be independent in IL or AL. In FL a note from the doctor will do it.

Be strong, do the right thing for her.
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spoonielife Jun 2023
>A common thread in many posts is "I am afraid he/she will be mad at me", like that is a major issue. So what if she gets mad, you are doing what is best for her.

You're right you're doing what is best for her, and that *is* crucial. Absolutely agree. However, please keep in mind that doesn't mean the caregiver's feelings about it are nonexistent or unimportant. We're talking about family, not a stranger, maybe someone who you've known and loved or respected your entire life.

Of *course* you have to be strong & do what is best for their needs, not their "wants" - but let's not forget that it's not always easy, which is the whole point of having a forum like this to gain strength and empathy from others in similar situations :).
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When I took my mom to the doctor for an appointment, I gave the dr a note that explained our situation regarding her driving. I asked the doctor to tell my mother that due to her age she needed to have a driving assessment done. The doctor did as I asked and explained that it was due to her age. I scheduled the driving assessment and my mother failed with flying colors. She almost hit a pedestrian during the driving portion of the test and there were many other issues with her driving. She also failed the written test. Her license was taken from her on the spot and we have never looked back.
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MarleysMom Jun 2023
That is exactly what I did with my sister and driving assessment worked! She still says I took her license away but the end result is that she is not on the road.
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Laws differ from state to state, but perhaps your PCP can help with this. When my wife was first showing clear signs of dementia, our PCP suggested he could have her license pulled; since she was showing no interest in driving it was unnecessary, but the offer shows it to be a possibility.
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take the car and keys keep her off the road before she kills someone
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We're coming up on a similar situation. If we can't get Dad to agree to move into a retirement community this month we'll be forced to call protective services to determine that his home is no longer livable. Taking his van will come soon enough after.

Mom is more resigned, but she doesn't have to move until we clean out and sell their house. She currently stays with me so I can care for her, but this house isn't in a much better condition. Plus, the stairs are proving more and more difficult for her.

It's going to be a long summer for you, and us!
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I am sorry to hear about your mom. We all want our independence, but at some point, we must rely on others for our own safety and everyone else’s. I think moving your mom to a home is a good idea. You can then sell her assets to pay for fir facility. She’ll be safe and you have peace of mind.
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Yes I have. My uncle had done had 2 wrecks and what I had to do was print off a driving review form from the dmv and take to his dr and she had to say that he wasn't capable of driving due to his health and faxed. And waiting for them to do a review any day
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We had my Dads doctor send a form to the DMV and the Dr plus DMV did testing. He had his license pulled.

He was so upset and mad but we knew he was no longer a risk to innocent people
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Geriatric Psychiatrist can prescribe medications that keep her calm and more compliant with the reality of her choices. You and sis are doing the right thing.

DCAT Driving Test Please find out where she can get tested - it is a simulated test.

https://www.alz.org/help-support/caregiving/safety/dementia-driving

https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/driving-safety-and-alzheimers-disease
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You said you are bringing her home with you for a visit . Make arrangements for the car to not be available when she gets back . Have it towed away . Or disable the car , have the battery taken out . Call DMV to get her license revoked . And while she visits with you make sure she can not get keys to take your car anywhere .
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In Florida, a doctor can lift a driver’s license, or at least that was possible 10 years ago. Send a note to mom's doctor and insist that he pursue the issue. It could be brought up through an eye test.

My LO in Florida was required to be tested after a stroke. It was an actual road test but I don’t think it was at the DMV, maybe another entity that works with rehabs. Passed but shouldn’t have.

Driving too long in Florida is a very well known issue.
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Good luck! You’re facing a difficult challenge.

My cousin is 100 years old and she won’t give up driving. She tells her children, “Don’t worry, I only drive to church, grocery, pharmacy, Walmart, the dollar store and lunch with my friends.”
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Way2tired May 2023
Need, your aunt drives everywhere. She makes it sound like she only drives to one place. Lol.
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