What can I do about an aging parent who has a significant hearing loss but won’t admit it? Clearly my mother has had impaired hearing for several years but refuses to admit it. She claims I just mumble. Our conversations seem ridiculous, almost comical as she replies to things I haven’t said. I have to repeat myself several times. When I speak loudly (which makes me feel very anxious) she says,
“You don’t have to yell.”
I get so frustrated and find myself avoiding any conversation. Getting a hearing aid is not even a consideration.
I also would get the crap when I raised my voice on the third attempt to be heard/understood, but in her case she'd get in my face and angrily say "I have a hearing problem, don't you know!" This was even with hearing aids and long before dementia.
If she won't get tested and refuse any aids (either in the ear or the headsets or any other options suggested), you could try writing responses if she doesn't hear what you said the 1st or 2nd time. To avoid having to find paper to write on, I got a Boogie Board on Amazon. There are many options and sizes/colors. It's just an LCD screen that can be written on with the stylus, or any pointed object, even fingernails, but try to avoid pens/pencils! Then there is a button to clear the screen. Funny that mom's short term memory is shot, but she DID very quickly learn how to push the button to clear the display! Can't remember what she just said or asked, but she somehow got this.
She may not like this option either. If writing responses seems to work, do consider this item. Otherwise, avoiding her, or just responding as simple as possible (yes, no, nod, uh huh - depends on what she said) even if she claims you said something you didn't. No point in getting angry yourself!
As for hearing aids, these elders are careless about things like hearing aids. You could buy new ones every other day and they'd get "lost," or go through the laundry, or they wouldn't remember to put them in or the hearing aids "don't help." Unfortunate but in many cases, buying hearing aids is a waste of money and just one more source of frustration.
The hard part is knowing which is which, and when. The more (you think) you have to yell to get a point across, the "meaner" you're accused of being. There's no winning.
Hearing aids have been suggested for years, but she says NO. At this point she wouldn't be able to used to them anyway.
We bought some over the chair wireless speakers for when we watch tv. Great gadget since we can keep the tv volume down and she can manually adjust the sound for herself!! Well problem not really solved because of we don't have control of the remote, she mutes the tv volume and cranks up her chair speakers!!
I have given up on the idea of hearing aides, know my mom she would never get use to them and I can’t deal with any else for her to complain about.
Thank you for your input 💕
These are aspects that will make whatever difficulties caregivers are having the the person, far worse because their faculties will be degrading daily.
My mother wore hers for years, eventually just wearing one because her condition degrades over time to total loss and at that point the right side wasn't working for her. She started misplacing the one left. She found it one time, but it was likely the prior one she had, which she had broken and didn't throw away. She got a new one and at the time of the move to MC, brother found one in the sheets as well as another, so it is likely the one that was "lost". So, she had 2 on move in to MC. One vanished at some point, the other eventually went through the laundry (before dementia she always took it out at night and put it on the end table. after, it would end up in random places, such as in the bed, on the bed table, on the floor.) Once when I asked where it was, she said she didn't wear one!
So post laundry, I had to find another provider, got her a new pair, both molded for the same ear and she kept taking it out. It lasted a few months, and was likely wrapped in a tissue or napkin and tossed. She keeps taking the remaining one out, so they take it away from her.
Someone who is really adamant they won't be caught dead in one isn't likely to comply, no matter what you do. Someone with dementia will be like my mother, losing it, etc. I've decided that is it. She can't get reimbursed for another 2 years, one time replacement for each of these can be had for $400 each, but why spend it? If it's sitting on the nurse's table, no point in spending anything! At this time she is 96 (97 early August), so that is that for me. IF she hadn't been silly, she could have had this surgically corrected about 30 years ago, so no hearing aids all these years and would likely still have her hearing!
Even if you tell the person about the possible connection with memory loss, most of the adamant ones are not going to listen. It isn't like children, who can be coerced, most of the time. These are older adults, likely very set in their ways...
What did help was a bit of advice from the audiologist, which was loudness/shouting does not work, and just leads to frustration on all sides. What DOES work is proximity and leaning in close to their ears, and speaking in a normal voice. Don't even bother trying to speak or shout from across the room. You have to get closer to their ear before speaking.
The other thing that helped us all tremendously was a TV device from amazon. Not earphones, which she would refuse, but a small simple wifi TV speaker that could sit right next to her on the end table. That way she could actually hear the TV without it blaring!
Peggy
My mother reads what I write, and then responds by voice. That would speed things up for you a bit, if she can still talk! Mom can't catch everything said, really not a whole lot, so it is easier to write it down (simple things like mimicking a drink or eating can usually get the point across, but to communicate or ask questions, this works well!)
No need for erasers or markers either. It works with a stylus (but she loses those) or anything somewhat "pointy" - I resorted to fingernails. Funny thing is her short-term memory is toast, she repeats herself all the time, can't grasp/learn new things, but she DID manage to figure out how to clear the display!