Follow
Share

My father in law and mother in law are still married but she insisted he move out to an apartment 15 years ago because he started hoarding. His apartment is completely unlivable. There are rodents, it is filled with junk and the smell is unbearable. He has funds but refuses to spend any money, living on one meal a day at the senior center. When we broach the subject of him moving into a place he says no. We just want to pick him up and take him to a care facility so he can live the end of his days with dignity. What do we do? Mom is 90 and so sad, she is not healthy or strong enough to be his guardian. I appreciate all advice on what we can do in this very sad situation.

Find Care & Housing
If you feel the local APS department did not do their job sufficiently (and it sounds like that's the case) you can call the state Dept of Health and Human Services and report the matter. DHHS supervises the local entities. I used to work at a DSS agency and any time the state agency called about a report in the county, everybody jumped.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to ncgirl70
Report

Adult protective services, home health care, building inspectors, and LANDLORD. Also a wellness check from the sheriff's department or local police. Ombudsman and senior services. Call all of them ASAP. And the reason he refuses is because he'll not be allowed to hoard in a care facility.
Helpful Answer (0)
Reply to Freyasmom24
Report

I am so sorry this is happening to all involved. Most people who horde have had trauma in their lives, and the collection of items is something they can control and stay busy with, to keep their minds off of the trauma. It can be a death of a loved one, a broken family relationship, PTSD, depression, rape or molestation, physical or mental abuse at domestic point in their lives, etc….

It is easy for people who just don’t understand why anyone would want to live this way, to not realize the root issues. They need lots of help from the right people with the right approach. Unfortunately, with someone in their 90’s, it may be too much stress on them to try and force the change needed. Very sad for all involved.

Best of luck to all in this situation
😀❤️☘️
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to Tiger8
Report

I would insist he is taking to a different hospital and repeat as often as possible, "UNSAFE DISCHARGE." You need someone on your side to say he is not safe to go home. They can get the ball rolling. The social worker at the last hospital mom went to was so very eager to work with me to get her placed. She said I just needed to tell her what to recommend so mom would end up in the best situation. The prior hospital was the exact opposite. Sometimes it takes a change in doctor or hospital to get your loved one safely placed.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to JustAnon
Report

There is very little you can do to force a stubborn senior to move or change their lifestyle in any way. He is comfortable with the way he is living.

However, if he is renting an apartment, the Apartment management should be alerted to the condition of his unit. They may want to take action and call local authorities or evict him. His apartment poses a safety hazard to his neighbors, himself, and creates a possible liability for the owner/management if he or anyone is hurt or exposed to an unhealthy living environment.

In the unlikely event the apartment manager chooses not to take any action, then you could call APS (Adult Protective Services). It is unfortunate for him that he will need to move and let go of all his stuff. I've seen people on "Hoarders" break down emotionally. He will need a lot of non-judgemental support. I hope you and others will be able to provide that for him.
Helpful Answer (6)
Reply to CaringWifeAZ
Report

Sadly it sounds like you're going to have to wait for an "incident" to happen that lands your FIL in the hospital. And while there you let the hospital social worker, the doctors and anyone who will listen know that he CANNOT return home as he is an "unsafe discharge" and no one to look after him. You keep using the phrase "unsafe discharge" until you are blue in the face and until the hospital steps up and gets your FIL placed in the appropriate facility.
Hopefully that "incident" will happen sooner than later.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to funkygrandma59
Report

Have you tried giving him a choice? Like we do with little kids....."either we get this place cleaned up, or you move to assisted living, but you can't stay here AND not get help to clean up." There is an excellent book called Buried in Treasures that addresses Hoarding, fyi. So sorry this is happening.
Helpful Answer (3)
Reply to mamakuh
Report

Notify the authorities. If someone in the family can get him to a doctor he needs to be checked out for dementia. If the hoarding is a new thing (only started once he became a senior) it may well be a sign of dementia.
Helpful Answer (2)
Reply to JustAnon
Report
kj1958 Mar 3, 2026
Sadly, we have called Adult protective services, his doctor, and also made reports at the hospital when he couldn’t breathe due to copd. No one has helped us. And because of privacy laws, APS also does not advise us if they did make a visit. They promised they would call and schedule a visit, but we advised them
he can’t hear his phone and probably wouldn’t answer. As far as we know, they never came by.We have been told repeatedly if he doesn’t want help, we cannot force it. He definitely has dementia at this point, it’s getting worse the last few months. The property manager also did a walk thru and said nothing! It is completely infested with rats!
(0)
Report
See 2 more replies
I’m surprised the apartments let this go, especially if there are adjoining walls with other apartments. Report the situation to Adult Protective Services, the health department for the rodents, and the apartment management. Make no attempt to reason with FIL, it won’t work and will likely make him more determined. I have a brother who’s a hoarder, it’s beyond frustrating. Right now he’s in rehab following a surgery and daily ordering boxes and boxes of stuff being delivered to his stuffed house. I well know there’s no reasoning with this behavior. You’re right, it is sad, and impossible to fix. I’m sorry you’re in this place
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to Daughterof1930
Report

I second the idea of contacting APS to advise them of a vulnerable elder living in unsafe squalor. Maybe before they come out can you discreetly take photos documenting the state of the apartment? Is there running water and electricity?

Also the rodent infestation — would your county (or county he lives in) be interested in that as well? Maybe report this situation to as many entities as possible.
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to SnoopyLove
Report
kj1958 Mar 3, 2026
See above and thank you!
(0)
Report
Why don't you try reporting his to Adult Protective Services? Tell them there is a vulnerable adult living alone who refuses help, and that you are unable to take him into your homes. They might decide to appoint him a legal guardian who would have more authority over him than you all do, just trying persuasion. What does the landlord say? How does he or she accept this situation? Surely it impacts other residents in the building?
Helpful Answer (4)
Reply to MG8522
Report

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter