Any tips or ideas how a caregiver can save their own money?

Well I don't have any family to help me or support me. I am the only child left to do what she needs. She is presently in a rehab facility who claims her 100 days were used. Now I am preparing her to go home. She needs 24 hour care. She does not qualify for Medicade. How can I get my name on the house? Those that honestly care and love a sick parent only does the right thing because we love them.

I don't understand how the First Midwest Bank Wealth Management Division can get away with insider trading, lying and harassment that they do. We have been law abiding people all our lives and try to do what is right. No trial no answer I came to court with my wife in a wheel chair and I had to leave her there. They took her and she asks me every day WHY ??? WHAT DID I DO??? and I can't give her an answer. All the retirement money is being spent on things that don't matter and we live apart. I am going to loose my house and she has to suffer in a one room with one window cell. WHY??? WHY???. What a country. A very disappointed Illinois Resident with no place to go.

I am HomeWithDad but Dad died and I am now home with my Mom. Her home. When my Dad fell last fall, all 5 siblings tried to sell her condo, put him in a medical facility, and put her in a nursing home.

She said "NO WAY!" and begged me to come help. All 5 siblings were furious, They are amazed at how happy Mom is and 4 of them hate me less.

My Dad and my Mom both in sound mind favored me in their will in exchange for my commitment to stay until they leave this world.

I still work part time when I can.

Our attorney expects trouble from the siblings and is ready to handle it. Amazing families we have.

Wish I could take each one of you out to lunch and encourage and hug you! thanks for all the honesty.

Mr. Ellul, I feel for u. Do u have an attorney? Don't think they can leave a spouse destitute. You should be able to live in your home.

Eikoc, why is she not elligiblefor Medicaid? Does she have her own money? I would talk to a lawyer about the deed thing. Medicaid has that five year thing.

My father has expressed gratitude frequently for the things I do for him on a daily basis and he knows he could not have survived without my help. Fortunately for me, he got his affairs in order early and asked me to get involved with his money management so that I am able to protect his assets. I keep good records and keep his financials separate from my own as much as possible. I do not discuss the details with my siblings. He set up an account for me to use to reimburse myself for his expenses since he is unable to shop for himself. It's a lot of work to keep track of both households, as well as both calendars, his personal needs, and all his medical paperwork/appointments/medications. My siblings don't get it, but it would be worse if I had to explain every detail to them on an ongoing basis. Once in awhile I get a mean-spirited comment from one brother who's always been a jerk, but mostly they are happy they don't have to deal with it. My two issues are planning for the future care of my father (safety net) and finding a way to earn income around his needs, as I left the workforce too early and am scraping by, using up my own retirement savings. I think assisted living is in our future.

I don'T think our parents thought they were going to live this long and didn't think ahead. I know some who felt their kids would be there. Now we have to go where the work is if it means out of state. Companies r doing away with Pensions and expect employees to put money in a 401k. As a single mother at one time, every cent counted towards supporting me and my daughter. Ur Dad was smart. And caring. I think he would understand if u needed to put him in an AL. I believe wholeheartedly that what money our parents have gets used before u go into it own. I don't see any problem in being paid. By the time my girls reach full retirement age for SS, they will have to be 70 if it's there at all. That's why I'm planning ahead.

Thanks, Caregiverbob, for the clarification. I didn't realize you were taking care of a sibling. I totally get what you are saying. You are right in saying that you are under no obligation to take care of your brother, and I must applaud you for that! I can totally relate because I also have a sibling who is not physically, but mentally disabled. Although he is now in a group home and has been for a few years since my mom could not handle him anymore, one of my brothers has been designated to help with his care, i.e., giving him money out of mother's account, making sure he has enough clothes to wear, and cigarettes. So I really do understand what you're saying even though it sounds like your situation is a little different in that you are a full-time caregiver. It sounds like you've sacrificed a lot over the years, so I am glad to hear you are getting a stipend. I am also glad to hear that you learned over the years to ask for help. As a full-time caregiver for my mom, I know how important that is to be able to know your own limits and to be able to ask for help when needed. Yes, I do agree that the other siblings (even if they live out of town) need to do something to help if only to visit every now and then. We just had a situation in our family where my mom was in the hospital all week due to atrial fibrillation and congestive heart failure. Luckily all of my siblings (except for the disabled) did come and at least visit over the weekend, which in some ways can be even MORE work for the full-time caregiver! But anyways, at least they made an attempt to help just by being here. I am very glad that I have the siblings that I di and that even when we disagree we agreeti disagree

Take care Bob!

JoAnn, I think that's it; I know my dad didn't expect to live as long as he did, although he did want to make me POA a long time before he did; it was my mom who didn't want it done but yet she is the one who wanted to move out of state to where I already had; it was him who didn't. Dad did have a small pension but very small since it was only from the state and not from a company, since he'd made that decision years before. He did want to go into assisted living but...he had a grandson who already wasn't working that he wanted to help, even more than he already had; that's where most of his money had already gone, so that by the time he needed help he didn't really have much money to get it with but, fortunately, dad was a veteran so we were able to get the VA pension for him, to pay his grandson to come in and help take care of him. But the deal with the final payment is something to think about, although he was supposed to get some money somewhat like that.

I took on the financial responsibility as well as i became her caregiver for the duration of her life. She wasn't a good mom. But in her last days here on earth i wanted to be the mother to her that she was not capable of being to me. I was being selfish, she didn't have much time left so i wanted every minute she had left. Besides no one was going to take care of her as well as I would. Her Doctor told me she lived as long as she did because of the care i gave her. It was amazing to walk away knowing that.

eikcoo251
It's called a quit claim deed. Any attorney can do his for next to nothing. The house goes into your name immediately.

I have never been a full-time caregiver - but have helped several friends who have been.
Re: financial situations - I have observed that it is easy for a caregiver to get screwed financially unless they have things in writing.
If the person you are taking care of is mentally competent - it is wise to have a legal employment agreement that clearly states what they are paying for (ie: rent, food, laundry, adding a wheelchair ramp, doctor visits, etc, etc) and how that is being paid. Do you give them receipts? Do they pay a flat monthly amount? Even if you totally trust that person, it is best to have a written agreement for when they might slip into dementia and the other relatives would be more involved. Even better - have a lawyer draw up the agreement because that lawyer can back you in stating that the person was in their right mind when they agreed, and wasn't being coerced. If the person has agreed to deed you property or their car or anything else upon their death - put it in WRITING. Make sure the deed has your name added to it. It is virtually impossible to prove it after they pass if you have nothing in writing.
And the best time to negotiate this is BEFORE they move in; BEFORE their health gets worse.
If the person is not competent - and your agreement is with members of their family - again, draw up a legal agreement that includes every detail you can come up with. Do this BEFORE the person moves in with you. You have more power to negotiate what is fair to you before you start than waiting til after.

In the case of my friends: One friend cared for her beloved aunt with the grateful agreement from the aunt's children. There was a verbal agreement about her getting some compensation from the house sale when her aunt would pass. But the moment the aunt died, her children refused to honor their agreement and kicked her out of the house her aunt owned without any severance and without much notice.
In another case, the elderly mother moved cross country to live with her daughter. Again, a verbal agreement that the mom would pay for the larger apartment and all related costs. But once she arrived, she refused to pay her fair share and my friend, the daughter, didn't insist. The mom kept telling my friend that she was included in her will, and that her son (my friend's brother) would split the profit on the mom's condo when she died. The brother was amazingly grateful for his mom to be cared for - but after she died - he refused to give my friend any portion of the condo sale. And she discovered that she had never been in the will. Her mom (who had always been somewhat abusive) had just been stringing her along.
So... whether you trust the one you are caregiving or not - whatever is promised needs to be in writing. And the best time to do that is BEFORE you give up part of your life to help. Once they move in, and especially after they die, you have very little power to change it. So get a legal agreement about what they are paying for, any severance payments after they die, any agreements about what you receive after their death (car, furniture, home, severance, etc.) Also any agreements about what happens if you cannot take care of them any more - which could be because their situation becomes more severe than you can deal with; or your health declines; or you cannot handle things emotionally; or.... You would still deserve fair compensation for the time you helped them.

And if you are already the caregiver and don't have an agreement- try your best to get a firm agreement from the one being cared for, or from the family as soon as you can. Put it in writing; have it drawn up by a lawyer; or at the very least, have it notarized by all concerned.
It might feel selfish or petty - but it is not. Most likely, you will be giving much more than what you are compensated for.

No good deed goes unpunished.
Awful way to look at things, isn't it. But, u must cover ur tail in everyhing. TG I have POA. TG my brothers go along with my decisions and we all are on the same page. Other than my DH, Mom will be the last person I will care for.

Oceansong has a lot of experience and very sound advice. Fortunately, my Mom saw what was coming and put our agreement in writing, but I still expect flack from my siblings after she is gone. Just ask the person you are taking care of if they will put something in writing to protect you. All they can say is "No" - Good luck.

A great form for recording care in time spent and philosophy is provided today on this list of questions at Aging Care Connect. https://www.agingcare.com/documents/personal_care_agreement_AgingCare.pdf - though everyone here probably got the list of questions. Thanks moderator!

I think that reviewing the form weekly can help home-helpers start to list their hours - and the form also suggests what families would have to pay - usually from elder's funds - to purchase such services.

I don't think the form is complete - since long term caregivers learn to prevent difficulty. Since we are the ones left to rescue and plan alternatives if a care plan fails, I found that I developed skills like an Occupational Therapist, to see where my brother would likely fall or break things - and I chose furniture that was sturdy for him, and set up his daily walking path through a neighborhood so that he would be seen if he fell, and I also chose the walk to a local sit down restaurant, not just a day program. And taxi to adult ed in evening. My learned planning skills don't show up on a care services form, and I should think of what kind of format can notice that aspect of the expertise we develop.

But starting to think of the care as a service - even if we do it out of love, duty, gratitude or sense of values - still is very important, for we can feel stronger and openly respected, only if our efforts are more visible, and that takes effort.

Lourdes, there's still the lookback period for Medicaid