Since my wife became housebound about two years ago, she will only go out to see doctors when I insist, and generally following a serious threat to go nowhere and see no one. She has osteoporosis and dementia. We have seen appropriate medical doctors. We live well outside the nearby towns. All medical authorities have stated that her condition will not get any better.
What will work best for YOU? I assume you're not used to thinking about yourself first, but this is where you are and it is what is needed. In order for you to help her, help yourself. Whatever you need to do to take care of both of you -- just do it. Stop asking her for permission. It is not needed. I'm sure you have her best interests at heart.
And that is correct, the situation will worsen. Dementia does not get better. It gets worse. Osteoporosis may stall at some point but not dementia.
It's fine to have family and friends come to visit you but it really isn't nice to have them work for you. Let her know that you too are tired and need the help.
If she doesn't agree, hire help any way and once they arrive. Leave the house and let them do their job.
You should start out a few hours a day a few days a week and increase the time if needed.
I would also have cameras installed so you can see what's going on any time 24 7.
My Dad with dementia has 24 hr Caregivers and I had Nest Cameras installed and that relived so much to be able to check on my Dad using my lap top or cell phone any time.
Prayers
I was always referred to as a "PA" and I did not wear the company's shirt with the logo on it--my client did not like it and neither did I!
It took time to make that learning curve, but I was always made her aware that I was there for HER, which she loved.
We're going to have to get help for mother, she is falling a lot and cannot be left alone. That makes it so the family (YB's) can never go anywhere without leaving someone behind.
I have to take my own advice--mom's going to hate it.
I don't think you need to get your wife's acceptance or approval to hire in-home help. You can tell her they're there for you, not her. She will need some time to adjust to the right person who is patient, soft-spoken and knowledgeable about how to engage someone with dementia. Even if this person is just sitting in the next or same room as your wife so you can slip out and get a break, this is better than nothing, You need to take care of you, no matter what she wants. Blessings!