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I, without a medical degree, feel he needs to be reevaluated in a respite situation. Maybe a start over with the meds. After 5+ years. How do I get the primary care doc to address this. What we are doing is not working - trying different dosages of the meds - taking weeks. Any ways to address this?

Can you contact the doctor through the patient portal, ahead of the appointment, so that you have time to articulate your thoughts without interruption, and then the doctor will come into the appointment with your concerns already in mind and be more willing to try to address them.
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Suzy23 Mar 7, 2026
I agree. You need to state he’s been diagnosed with A, B, C, and he’s taking medications X, Y, and Z but he still has the following symptoms or problematic behaviors (whatever they are).

Tell doctor the truth as you experience it. Do you think he’s in pain? Falling? Swallowing difficulties? Combative behavior? Not eating? Hallucinations? Whatever it is, tell the doctor. Ask if respite care is available and if med adjustment is in order or could help.

Ask specific questions too. Example: my dad took meds for high blood pressure for years. Then he started getting dizzy spells when standing up from sitting. They found he was having blood pressure drops. I asked “should he stay on the blood pressure meds?” And they said stop taking that one. I’m not sure this change would have happened if I hadn’t asked. The Dr who prescribed it originally was not the one who discovered the cause of the dizziness.
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You probably need a geriatric dr to overtake his care.
bkgranny
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I am going through this with my wife, who has Alzheimer's. The memory care nurses think meds are the answer to every issue so they request new or added doses. Her former PCP prescribed whatever the nurses wanted. I had seen some of the side affects when given individually when she was home so I was concerned that she was taking so many drugs that some were compounding the Alzheimer's issues. We just started with a true eldercare doctor. She carefully evaluated my wife herself, listened to the nurses, and to me. She developed a methodical, progressive plan to use meds to help my wife's quality of life, not just drug her to insensiblity. It is like night and day. Eldercare specialists that actually know and care are out there, but they are few and far between.
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Aging5000 Mar 13, 2026
Oh, my gosh. I can relate to this. My mother has recently moved into a memory care home. The new doctor there, at the pleading of the director, has medicated my mother into the same insensibility. My mother acts out when she Sundowns, with poor behavior. We are working with them to find a plan that will be beneficial to both them and her. We want the medication lowered. We have Health POA, so ultimately it is our decision, however their doctor and director do have experience, and we don't want to have to move my mother. It would likely be the same thing at another facility. It is so heartbreaking to see her like thiis. However, reading your post has renewed my determination. Thank you.
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One thing that can help is writing down the specific changes you’ve noticed before the appointment. For example changes in mood, sleep, confusion, balance, or side effects.

Bringing a short written list to the doctor can make the conversation easier because it gives clear examples of what is happening day to day.

Many caregivers also ask for a medication review during the appointment so the doctor can look at whether any medications may need adjusting or if combinations are causing problems.
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Reply to CareguideVB
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After my husband was released from the hospital and subsequent stay in a skilled nursing facility, he was on LOTS of meds! Many of them seemed unnecessary.
I would ask his doctor, "What is this for?" "Does he need it?" "What will happen if he stops taking it?" I also educated myself by reading up on all the medications online.
Ask about common side effects, and note any side effects you notice as a result of medications your husband takes. You, or the patient, is in charge of what medications you choose to use. You don't have to take any of them.

You do have to be careful with some medications which could have undesirable results from stopping, or stopping suddenly. I was able to wean my husband from several medications. It took some time to wean him off of Celexa. First, I got the doctor to prescribe half the dosage, then, after a time, I started increasing the time in between doses, until he was able to go a whole 24 hours without any negative side effects. With the doctor's advice, we totally stopped the blood sugar medication, blood pressure medication, and anti-plaque medication.
His newest doctor and I agreed, using medication to try and keep my husband healthy at this point is futile. He is totally bedridden, with dementia. There is no reason to try and prolong this way of life. He is currently healthy and will possibly outlive me.
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CareguideVB Mar 16, 2026
The transition from hospital to home can feel overwhelming, especially in the first few days. Many caregivers feel exactly like you do right now, unsure and carrying a lot at once.

One thing that can help is writing down instructions, medications, and next steps so everything isn’t just in your head. It brings a little order to the situation.

You’re not expected to be a medical professional you’re doing your best in a very difficult moment. Take it one step at a time.
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i don’t actually ask
i tell
i want a review of my fathers medication please
if it’s refused then I would es skate it with the health authority
I’m sure they’re supposed to be reviewing anyway
of asked why
the tablets do not appear to be working/I want blood tests done to check they’re ok
my brother gets sent for blood tests to reassess the tablets he’s taking about 5 yearly
If you have a bad doctor that isn’t working for you-change them
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I do agree that after this much time, husband probably needs a med change. He may be perscribed cognitive meds that after a point don't work once the Dementia has progressed.

IMO a PCP/GP should not be caring for a patient with Dementia. PCPs know a little about everything and a lot about nothing. Your parent needs a Neurologist. They would be much better in prescribing the correct medication for a specific Dementia.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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Track behavior in a journal.
Provide to his MD provider.
Ask for a consultation to go over medications / MD recommendations.

None of us - overall - caring for a spouse or loved one with dementia have medical degrees. You 'we' are there and on 24/7 and have the experience of knowing how things are going.

If you cannot get a consult with his physican, get another MD - who cares.
Find out who the county, state, federal agencies are to report this MD provider and/or medical group. They need to be evaluated if they do not listen to your concerns.

Gena / Touch Matters
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I am unclear in what you mean "how do I explain"
You tell MD
- what your husband does
- what he/ has done
- what is potentially harmful to him and you
- why you are concerned.

Perhaps what you are saying is that you have asked and get no response.
If that is the case, request another primary provider - talk to the administrator at this office. If this is your husband's MD's office, ask for an appointment.

Put your concerns in writing.
Address your concerns in a letter that you give to him and keep a copy for yourself.

Ask why nothing has been, medically speaking, for ____ years (even though you have made ('several" ?) requests.

Take notes when you make phone calls and in person with the MD / provider.
This tracking is important.

Gena / Touch Matters
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