My uncle is 64, he was deemed disabled by the state over 25 years ago. He has no serious medical conditions and no cognitive disorders, however, he keeps having minor falls. He had a fall in April and was sent to a rehab center for PT, but after a few days medicare said they would not cover any more time in the nursing home, due to his age of 64.
He had another minor fall on Sunday and was sent to another rehab center, I am being told he is not eligible for any type of home healthcare due to his age and lack of a major diagnosis.
I do not have the means to have him move into my apartment, I don't know if he can still live alone with these falls, and I don't know what if any are my options. I do hold medical power of attorney.
Make sure you are not legally or financially responsible for your Uncle. He is a hot mess that you cannot fix nor help. It is unhealthy for you and your family plus you're working full time as well. He needs to become the problem of the county's legal guardian. They are his solution, not you.
I have told the NH I feel like this whole episode is a manipulation tactic and I felt brushed off by them, I have left several messages for the social worker and nursing director to call me back to no avail.
"He is being admitted to the NH because he is stating he feels unsafe at home, he is not keeping his apartment clean, and is lying to me, and he also has a history of theft. He does not use drugs or drink. He was given a cane.
I believe this is attention-seeking behavior, I have made it very clear it in not an option to live with me."
I talk to him every day, take him to the market to shop, and take him to run his errands. I am doing everything I can. I work full-time and get home from work late. He has told me he does not want to live alone anymore, and as I stated, I cannot have him live with me."
So he apparently has a mental disability or mental health issues his whole life.
( FYI lying and stealing = sociopath )
I would dial back on how often you talk to him. Why talk daily? If he calls you every day have it go to voicemail. How much of your life are you willing to sacrifice?
As he ages, his neediness will ramp up. You are not the solution. I would consider resigning your MPoA, this way you have a reason to not be involved. He can become a ward of a 3rd party court-assigned guardian. Then they will take care of ALL his needs. This will only happen if you step back and stop helping him. Of course he won't like it and will guilt you and throw a tantrum (because manipulating you has worked to this point). It will feel awkward and uncomfortable for a while but then he will get appropriate care from the county and it won't need to come from you. Then if you want to continue the relationship, the guardian will have no problem with this. In my personal experience with my SFIL who became a ward of guardian, it was a good (and only) solution.
Did he actually assign you as his MPoA? This is a legal document created with an attorney's help that your Uncle would have had to do voluntarily and you would have a document that outlines your role.
Or, was this "responsibility" just passed on from your Mom? MPoA cannot be passed from one agent to another. It needs to be created by the principal (your Uncle).
Absolutely DO NOT take him in or move in with him. This would be a disaster for your life and future.
Please recognize that your "helping" him is actually "enabling". They are not the same. Enabling is ultimately destructive.
Also please recognize that you are operating out of FOG (fear, obligation, guilt). These are the wrong motives, and damaging. You have been groomed for this position. Please also consider talking to a therapist about setting healthy boundaries for yourself, since your uncle will not easily give up his slave.
I don't know what to do.
So sorry you’re having to cope with this on your own.
See answer to my questions below
I suspected as much. I could have predicted what you told us.
Here's my advice:
1. I would leave this to the doctors and to the system.
2. I would stay out of it other than to be loving and to not enable his behavior.
3. I would be careful to refer him always to the system with the numbers for APS and 911 on speed dial.
4. I would NEVER allow any social worker to get you to take responsibility.
Please consider Liz Scheier's good memoir Never Simple. She tried for decades to help her undiagnosed and mentally challenged mom function in the world. She was bright and capable and had the auspices of the entire city and state of New York to help. Yet it was all to no avail.
He gets SSI, he should be getting Medicaid automatically. He would then have a managed care plan. He can be assigned a care manager through his MCP.
The participating MCPs in Medicaid want to retain any members that are part of their group and will do almost anything to keep them. He would have to contact them to find out more information on a care manager.
He can call social services for his county to see if he qualifies for any in-home services... but what type of services would he need?
Is he able to cook for himself?
Can he get himself places (can he shop for food or other necessities)?
Does he keep his apartment reasonably clean?
Is he having seizures? Have vertigo? Is he an alcoholic? Does he use a cane or walker? Or is he in denial of his falling and need for support?
Do not move him in with you or you move in with him. What would this accomplish is he can't even figure out to use a cane or a walker. Will you hold him up all day?
The info you've given here makes no sense and we are a group who has a lot of experience with cogntive and medical issues in our aging loved ones. Respectfully, you don't seem to know what's really going on and we'd like to help you so if you can answer the questions asked of you it will help us to help you know how to function as his MPoA.
I believe this is attention-seeking behavior, I have made it very clear it in not an option to live with me.
As Alvadeer mentioned, if he is not what is termed, "medically necessary" for facility care he will be declined. In a way that is a win win for both. He doesn't need to be in a facility 24/7 and insurance saves a lot of money in not having to pay for his care
You can also see if your state has services that could help without being in a facility. Some states have this, since it tends to be cheaper then having 24/7 facility care.
Good luck.
Might I ask, if you know, what are the issues that are causing him to fall. I cannot imagine this in one so young without an underlying problem in the brain.
I am really sorry. I would, however, caution you against becoming either POA or taking him into your home. What I WOULD do is keep on APS, having them or the police or EMS at 911 coming to do senior at risk checks as often as he needs them. I am assuming he keeps a cell phone on him at all time due to the falling.
It is hard for me to even fathom what is going on here? It makes no sense at this young age and I am thinking there needs to be thorough testing by neurologist and psychiatric and there needs to be scans and MRIs.
I am so sorry. This is something that is going to need to be addressed, if at all, by the state with the power to do something here. You do not have that power. As you say, he is 64. He has at least 30 more years, three decade, to live. Once you take him into your home you make it his home as well. Is that truly what you intend to do with the rest of your own life?
I think you're putting the cart before the horse here.
Let the poor man live his life and if you want to do anything, how about calling him on the phone a few times a week to check on him?
And perhaps you can discuss what his options may be if and when the time comes when he does actually require more care, letting him know up front that he won't be living with you.
If never hurts to get our ducks in row before we need to use them.
Is he the one telling you he has "no serious medical conditions and no cognitive disorders"? It's pretty difficult to get a permanently disabled designation from the government. Was he falling 25 years ago? Is that his only symptom? As his medical PoA I would have a discussion with his doctor to confirm what's in his charts, as this doesn't make any sense. He's young enough that an accurate diagnosis and possible treatment may be something still available to him. Has he ever been to a neurologist?
If he really isn't capable of living on his own you may want to pursue a 3rd party court-assigned guardian for him. Then they will take care of all his needs and you can continue to have your relationship with him.
More information would be helpful.