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Hi Paula,

That’s very frustrating. I suspect she cares, wants to be involved, but knows herself enough to know that she can’t handle any of the “caring for” herself.

Right now I’m looking after my father (in hospital after having suffered a stroke) and my mother who is pretty helpless. My brother lives halfway across the world, so is of little help but likes to stay informed.

I email weekly updates on Dad’s current progress and sometimes include photos. He usually ends up emailing me info that I already know (which I in turn ignore) and I rarely respond to his messages. I let him know in my emails how busy I am, and apologize in advance if I can’t respond to any questions (you might throw in here how if she really needs to know something, you’re sure Mom would love a phone call from her).

I don’t know if it’s just my personality, but I apologize and apologize, and ignore and ignore and go on my merry way. Like you I am BUSY (I also have a MIL with dementia at home as well as 2 kids under 8) so I can’t be everybody’s everything without a lot of sacrifice. I just keep saying, “I’m sorry if I don’t get back to you right away! Life is so crazy busy right now, but I’m doing my best!!!” That usually shuts people up.

Deep breath, and don’t waste your breath getting into it with her. It’s honestly not worth the headache.
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Continue making her aware in the way you say you don't mind, give her updates then disengage completely, you don't need to respond to her replies or even read them. 🤫
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Firstof5 Oct 2021
Yes, exactly.
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