I have currently been taking care of my elderly grandmother for the last 7 years from the time I was 20 till now at the age of 27, and before that I helped take care of my great grandfather for a few months till he passed away at home.
My question is how can I deal with the burnout or how can I possibly come to the conclusion of when I've had enough and give up? I hate to say that, I really do, but it's affecting me mentally to the point that I don't know what to do or how to react anymore.
When I agreed to stay here, my aunt was helping by providing some financial assistance and taking my grandmother (her mom) to her doctor's appointments. After a year, she just quit and has since then not done anything to help.
I do not have a vehicle or a job (I live with my grandmother about 5-6 miles from town). So we basically have to make it month to month on $900 from my grandmother's retirement, which I don't think I have to explain how that is difficult in its own way. My dad takes me to the grocery store and to pay bills but other than that, it is the only help I receive.
The house is in need of repairs badly, we barely make it through the month as it is with just a few dollars left, if that sometimes, and it has gotten to the point that I just want to run away from it all. My grandmother adamantly reminds me she would rather die than go to a nursing home, and me being as big hearted as I am towards my family, it is hard for me to come to terms with it all.
I practically gave up everything to take care of my grandmother. I haven't had friends or left the house for anything besides grocery shopping, paying bills and the like in many years, not to mention haven't had a girlfriend or job either since moving here. And the constant reminder of how hard my life is going to be after she does end up passing away just gets worse as time passes.
Please if anyone has any kind of suggestions or advice, I desperately need it. Thanks for taking the time to read all of this if anyone does.
Please note: All of what follows holds absolutely no merit anywhere accept for that very place...in my own head and heart. It is only stated with the intension of trying to help. Please don't let it affect you in any other way that positively.
Thank you.
1st off I need to say, you rock, you ARE your grandmother's rock! You give her such a wonderful gift everyday by helping her and living there. It allows her to stay in her own home where she is most comfortable and has the most privacy, dignity, and independence. No one knows the value of those things or how they can have a ripple effect in each facet of our health and our lives until each of us no longer have them. There is not enough gratitude that could ever be expressed to you for doing that or for being the type of person that amount of daily sacrifice requires. Especially for a 20-27 year old! That's not even mentioning how wonderful and unfearful you are making what could be your grandmothers last years.
If I were in your situation this is what I would do...I would do what you've already started doing....reaching out for help. A lot of the time that is the hardest step to do! Also, communicating with anyone anyway you can about this. So, good job for doing that! I would also go with her to her next doctors appointment and talk to her doctor and ask if they know of any immediate resources of ANY kind either federal, state or local that she and you as a caregiver would be eligible for that could help the both of you. Also, your aunt needs to know that she has two options...1 she can either give you a ride to your local dept of child and family services with a good attitude about it so you can get the help and resources that you and your grandmother need or 2. You can call them and make an appointment for a case worker from their office to do a home visit so you can show them the bad conditions of the home and tell them all about how you are doing your best to are for her but this has been the result of her neglecting her own mother and now you know you are doing the right thing by reaching out for their help and services.
Make sure you are keeping up on your own self care. You matter too! All the little things you should do for yourself that you wouldn't think matters really does matter in the ways you feel about yourself. Getting enough sleep and being on a consistent sleep cycle, regular hair cuts, eating healthy, showering, getting dressed, shaving, exercising (outside of your regular daily physical activities) outside in the fresh air is best (weather permitting) of course. Fresh air, sunshine and a bit of an elevated heart beat from mild to moderate physical activity are so good for you! Any hobbies, arts and crafts, drawing, writing, baking, try cooking a new recipe that sounds good that you and her would enjoy. Watch a movie or read a book. Those are the types of things that feed our souls positivity and love. I would try to make my focus on those things until you are able to get whatever types of outside help you need in order to get a job outside of your home or until DHS can train and pay you for being her home caregiver. Also, get signed up for free Medicaid through Dept of Human Services, that way you'll have medical care if you get injured or sick. You cant take very good care of anyone else unless you first keep your own health good. You can develop more of your own life slowly a little bit at a time while living with her by getting a job outside your home or by getting paid for being her live in care giver and asking for 1 day per week respite care for her so you can at least have 1 day per week off away from the home.