It's an unsettling way to live.
My mom is not considered incompetent event though she does have dementia, diagnosed last Spring.
She has made it crystal clear that she and she alone runs her life. (But be available when she needs help)
I could list 20 things but last eve during dinner twice I wanted to scream. First a nurse from her primary care doctor called to see how she was doing. Her PC doctor has tried to be more pro-active with my mom and her issues and enrolled her in a program that basically follows and monitors health issues. This is a very good thing. Well my mom could not have been more rude to the nurse. My mom stepped into the other room and got even meaner and told her to "NEVER call AGAIN". Then came out and proudly told me and my husband how she took care of that! No more calls to bother her! I wanted to vomit.
Then later she starts talking about her cottage and going there this Spring. I've already mentioned here that I don't feel she is safe to be there alone. Then my mom tells us she is going to keep the cottage and keep going so she can keep driving. (PA licenses need renewed every two years).
Again I could feel myself getting so angry, she should not be driving now! My husband briefly said something about there being problems with her having declared PA as her official residency (to get the license) and taxes and my mom just looked at him and said "I don't care".
I did not confront her, because it only gets worse. My mom can become enraged.
I'm always wondering how much bad behavior I will have to watch before she implodes and I am left to pick up the pieces.
Anyone else feel stuck like this?
If he's in pain, I sympathize. Give him some Tylenol. I have been documenting, pictures and audio.
I need to somehow get my father evaluated so the doctor can recommend AL.
Sorry Exhausted you have to go thru with this. Even in the early stages there is no reasoning with a person suffering from a Dementia. What u say goes thru one ear and out the other.
Your mom takes the cake. I’m afraid she and I would go round and round and I’ve no doubt she would win.
I know she lives next door in a home you helped her purchase. Can you move? Only just sort of kidding.
You have done everything you could to stop her driving.
The woman who called is a nurse to a woman who has dementia. She, the nurse, can now document how out of control your mom was with her.
I think I would follow up with her to make sure she does document your mom’s behavior. Perhaps this will help build the case should you need to file for guardianship at some point. It also helps the doctor see what you are dealing with. No doubt she would have showtimed if in front of the doctor.
If you can emotionally remove yourself from your mom’s drama, become analytical and observant, a degree removed, it might help you. I know that’s a tall order. When she starts up, record her or get out your notebook and write down, time, date, what happened, it might help you distance yourself and watch for patterns to emerge. Since it was at dinner, it might have been sundowners. She will get worse as the disease progresses. So you might not get the major crisis but rather the more average progressive decline. I’m sorry.
I do plan to call her PC. I worked as a nurse for over 20 years so I know how important documentation is, and I also know squeaky wheels get the grease. (No experience at all with dementia patients though) My mom's PC is competent, but it wasn't until I had a long talk with him last Nov that her issues went on his radar and he began to address them with her. I think he sees through the showtiming now, and her showtiming isn't that good anymore anyway. But yes, I want to make sure all these things are being documented. Thank goodness she took the neuro-psych eval last Spring, because she would never agree to it now!
I don't think my mom gets sundowners. Is that common with Alz? My mom's dementia is mostly vascular but the doctor who did the evaluation did also add in mixed etiology.
Yeah I don't know what to expect, I just know it won't be anything good. Obviously I'd rather there not be a major crisis, but I'm constantly on edge because of her uncooperative and risky behavior.
Thanks for the advice and I am trying to be less emotional about it. Your suggestion about keeping track of things in writing to more objectively watch for patterns is a good one.
It is inevitable that hubs will mess up, and soon.
All the symptoms are there, and it makes me nervous.
How bad will it be next time?
And then, there are the big crises...earthquakes, fire, flood.
No places left to run!
Also her doctor told us, that because she has been diagnosed with mixed dementia and has been told not to drive, if she ignores and drives, and is involved in an accident even if it not her fault, that she can be held liable.
Im in Texas, and you can file a report unsafe driver anonymously
I feel your pain.
If you feel your Mom’s driving skills aren’t up to par, notify your DMV & see what they say.