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Your cousin will find out mighty soon if it is dementia; detach with love and when push comes to shove work with your cousin to help her get into the right setting.
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My personal theory is that when dementia sets in, the true personality comes out. There are no longer filters that stop inappropriate expressions. You have described my mother and our relationship to a T ... including the cousin that takes care of her. Except my cousin is beginning to see the truth now. I maintain a polite, yet limited relationship with my mother, showing her respect despite how she acts toward me. I also have an autoimmune disease and the stress can cause flaring, so I strictly limit my interactions. It's sad and hurtful ... you have my sympathy and understanding.
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My Mom can be pretty hateful too. She says things like I'm just after her for her money, or gets mad at me for not contacting her friends to tell them how sick she is. She has many and she's not as sick as she thinks she is.

I too am the only daughter remaining. I've given up trying to please her. Who said when you get old everything should be your way?

At least my Mom is financially secure, and lives in assisted living. After half an hour of complaining I often tell her "Well, sometimes you're just going to have to be unhappy". Even after all that she says, "Oh, I'm not unhappy"

Sometimes I think she just needs to vent and I try not to argue with her and pretend to listen. I get tired of everything being so negative.

I'd like to think its dementia, but sometimes I wonder if its just how she really feels coming out. Dementia or not when you don't feel well its convenient to take it out on those around us.

Doesn't sound like you should let your Mom move back in with you. She's fine with your cousin.
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