My mom is in an adult home, 97 yrs old and dying. The adult home sent her to the hospital this weekend because her blood pressure was spiking and they thought she might be having a stroke. The hospital sent her right back to the adult home with a diagnosis of renal insufficiency, which I guess means her kidneys are shutting down. She is eating almost nothing and drinking almost nothing, but the Catholic Church says you cannot leave someone with no fluids to just die. We definitely don't want dialysis, but if she stops drinking altogether and hospice and the hospital won't take her, what options do we have to at least give her fluids? We are working on getting her into a nursing home anyway because the adult home won't keep her in this state but we are confused as to where to go with this. Any suggestions? I don't even know if a nursing home will provide fluids.
I'm not sure why hospice won’t take her in, that’s what they do. Please speak with hospice again. Also, speak with your church to explain what’s going on.
I worked with our local Catholic hospital providing hospice, and it is the best care for hospice. When a person can no longer take water, it is sign they are coming to the end stage and forcing water is against standards of care.
My father went into hospice and having power of attorney, I wanted him hydrated in a Catholic hospital, himself a devout Catholic. He developed bronchial pneumonia. The staff told me they had to clear his lungs twice that day causing him to suffer. I cried knowing he would be leaving soon.
He had peace and comfort.
The tradition of Catholic instituted hospice goes back almost 2,000 years.
When my mother was in the hospital before her death, at the end stage of a long illness, she stopped eating. The hospital continued to bring her meals, but they didn't attempt to make her eat. Food was not withheld, but it was also not forced.
That means she needs hospice. It doesn't matter where she lives. Hospice will come to her, and work with the adult home to provide the end-of-life care she needs and deserves. I think you're doing your mom a disservice by waiting. Here's an article on this same website on this very topic.
https://www.agingcare.com/articles/family-wait-too-long-call-hospice-152891.htm
https://inelda.org/
Perhaps different Hospices offer different approaches?
Perhaps Adult Protective services can place her appropriately?
My dad refused liquid, and one his kidneys were going, his body was unable to process it. He was "fasting" naturally. He was able to see angels and God was able to prepare him, which I think is very, very scriptural.
I think what that particular branch of the church means is to "offer" drink. Of course you have compassion. But once the body is ready to go, your loved one will refuse, and that is compassionate. Your loved one knows what they need, you offer it, but if they refuse, you honor it. Honoring our parents is also scriptural.
that's why I'm not catholic. They have so many rules that aren't scripture based, but tradition. I believe in surrendering to the Lord and following His lead. He is the one who is Lord over life and death, and in the end, it's between you, your loved one and the Lord.
I'm not sure what the Catholic Church's stance is about withholding food or drink from a person. I would presume that since someone is not in the dying process, they should be offered something to eat or drink. It sounds like toxins are building up in your mother's bloodstream at this point. I would talk with the attending physician to see if there is anything else that can be done at this point to ease her suffering if she is in any discomfort.
Yes, do offer your mother fluids as you desire. However, in the last stages of dying the need to eat and drink diminishes. This is not painful for them. Providing food and nutrition will not reverse the dying and hospice research now knows that using artificial means to hydrate and feed can cause harm. The need for fluids is tied into the amount of calories consumed. With the lack of appetite and almost no food eaten (part of the dying process), your mother needs very little fluid. So yes comfort her. Moisten her mouth and give her sips as the nursing staff show you how. Talk to her and tell her you love her. May you find comfort at this time.
https://www.jellydrops.us/
it is a normal physiological process when dying and the hospice nurse told me that it was normal and he was not suffering.
Dad died a peaceful death on September 28th. It has been hard to deal with the eating issues with both of my parents but I trust the physiological process.
make sure you access all the support you have available but as people come to the end of life it becomes less about religious beliefs and more about comfort care
Once they tell you that your parent is "active", at that point hospice comes in. And they do have Chaplains. You are in a very emotional place and it is the hardest thing you will ever have to do. Most of us have no idea what Hospice can do until we need them. So glad you have this forum to ask people to help.
My dad refused liquid, and once his kidneys were going, his body was unable to process it. He was "fasting" naturally. He was able to see angels and God was able to prepare him.
I think what the church means is to "offer" drink if a person is thirsty. You have compassion and you love your parent and want what's best. But once the body is ready to go, your loved one will refuse because their body is in a natural state, and that is compassionate to let them rest. Your loved one knows what they need, you offer it, but if they refuse, you honor it. Her body knows.
Check with your pastor or talk with a Chaplain. They can help you when your mind is going in many different directions. He is the one who is Lord over life and death, and in the end, it's between you, your loved one and the Lord. I pray you have a peace that passes all understanding and that you will rest in knowing that this isn't all there is, and what is to come is so much better and you will see her again. Sit beside her and walk her home. God bless you. You are loved and many hearts go out to you.