Aunt lives alone and won’t let help in house, she refuses to leave house for assisted living refuses ambulance after 911 called - she’s fallen several times. 911 can’t take her if she refuses, has food in the house. She has prior TBI, rapidly declining, won’t believe diagnosis or pursue help. No POA, HCP, Living Will. I am not able to move in. Has anyone experienced this and what did u do, or recommend?
She kept falling, refused help, even a caregiver. She had me as POA, but it was to be only activated when she was incapacitated.
I tried everything to get her help. I even called EMT after she had fallen. I am out of state. Aunt's neighbor was with her and I could hear aunt screaming and cursing that she wasn't going anywhere. Leave her alone. EMT came to the phone and told me this isn't jail. They cannot force her to go if she refuses. I was livid.
I would come and visit and help her, and all was right with the world so long as I was doing what aunt wanted. Meanwhile, I was burning myself out and burning through my finances as well with the visits and her care.
I had to stop. I gave up my POA because I wasn't going to court to challenge it to get aunt in care because it wasn't activated and I told aunt I would not be coming to help as often as I was anymore.
Aunt is livid with me, but did wind up getting a caregiver.
Unfortunately, I agree with JoAnn in that you might just have to let something Unfortunate to happen.
I agree with Geaton. Just going to have to wait for something serious to happen. I would call APS and say she is a vulnerable adult. She needs the State to take over her care.
The only realistic solution is to keep reporting her to APS. You don't say how old she is, but eventually one of her falls will result in an injury that will require a trip to the ER. If this happens and you are able to go to the hospital, speak with the discharge planner and tell them she is 100% an "unsafe discharge" due to everything you posted here. Make sure they know you are NOT her caregiver or PoA or are willing/able to do it. If they think you will take care of her after discharge they will release her and you will be back to ground 0 and delay a solution. At the hospital ask to talk to a social worker about getting her an emergency guardian and transitioning her directly into a facility. If this can happen then she has a permanent solution for her care and you won't be struggling to get an irrational and uncooperative adult to do something to which they are stubbornly opposed. She may not even have the money for her care. Then what? You cannot and should not try to cover this. It is unsustainable.
Once she has a guardian you will still be able to carry on your relationship with her to whatever extent you wish. All of the benefit, none of the burnout.