My mother was diagnosed with vascular dementia with disturbed behavior and some Alzheimer’s. I am her primary caregiver being as though we lost my younger sister eight years ago and my older sister has rheumatoid arthritis so I’m the only one who give my mother the primary care she needs I also take care of her paperwork and decision-maker. I was able to get her. Medicare & Medicaid and I worked with agency to care for my mom, I am so burnt out because I can’t get any help. I believe her dementia has declined and I don’t know exactly what stage she is in no longer can do things for herself. I prepare meals cook clean the house even though it’s two other family members who live in there with her, so I’m cleaning up behind them as well then I go home and clean my home and take care my husband , I can’t seem to find the help I need she suffers with anxiety whenever we’re not going out for rides in the car, she gets angry I do have her now going to a day center twice a week. I have to get her dress help her in the bathroom fix and just about everything she can still she can still help some she doesn’t want outside help from the agency Behavior is a little disturbed at times more difficult in the afternoon. She becomes agitated and angry when you don’t take her places mind you that I also takes her to all doctors appointments for rides to the store for shopping and outings for treats and still never enough. My sister can help sometimes when she’s feeling OK but she has also made things so difficult ever since I started being the primary caregiver for our mom, she turns everything into a negative which has burnt me out emotionally.& mentally I can’t get power of attorney because I’m the caregiver. My sister is not a agreeable for care agencies trying to keep my head above water, I’m the target of her meanness because I’m the one that there all the time at time she doesn’t know I’m her daughter. She exhibits all. symptoms of dementia she can walk and still can eat. Her appetite is smaller because her teeth are bad and we’re in the process of taking her to oral dentist Which is a challenge because they wants to remove all her teeth, gums are cavity infested 84 years old she is and she says they’re not taking out her teeth. She walked away from her house and walked down the block. She said she was going home , time for me to look for a CNA. There is so much more. I can say it will take a book. This has been such a challenge for me and it’s still taking a toll and I don’t know how to take approach anymore to this. I do have a cousin. he helps out, but I call him a babysitter because he doesn’t do much with her but sits with her and make money being a male. He can’t help her with the female thing that’s needed so I’m still having to be there every single day to take care of her personal and incontinent bathing need . I believe that my mother had started suffering with dementia and 2016. She had a stroke. The eye doctor. See if they could see it when they examined her from the back of her eyes. We can’t remember some of the things that went on during that time that shows symptoms I’m thinking she’s in her late stages of dementia
Who are these people you seem to be picking up after. I would not be doing it. I would do what I needed to do for Mom but if those people are able to clean, vacuum and do other things, they need to do it.
Tray, if your mom is still able to assign POA, a certified elder attorney would know.
Please see a good attorney to get POA if your mother is able to sign that with a good understanding of what she is signing. If not you are going to have to get at least a temporary guardianship to place her in a facility for the care to keep her safe and comfortable.
It sounds as though you must have SOME powers already as you say you have got her on Medicaid? You may want to contact APS to help or a Medicaid Social worker to tell them that caregiving is primarily yours now and you cannot continue.
I am so sorry.
Mom needs care in a facility or a group home where professionals can take care of her. You can hem and haw all day and think this way or that way, but the truth is right there in your post: Mom isn't safe under this care plan, and you don't have the means to care for her and keep her safe now.
You deserve to get your life back. Mom deserves better living conditions now that she is so sick.
Good luck to you.
And as far as her teeth are concerned, I would leave well enough alone. If she is well into her dementia, I wouldn't put her through that as it will be traumatic for her and for you. It's just not worth it. Instead just feed her either just soft foods or pureed foods.
And in all honesty, it may just be time to have your mother placed in a memory care facility where she will receive the 24/7 care she requires and you can get back to just being her daughter and advocate.
When a caregiving situation is no longer working for all parties involved it is no longer working period.
If money is an issue you can apply for Medicaid for your mother.
The only way you will get your quality of life is back is when you no longer have the care of your mother or when she dies.
And the reason you cannot be your mothers POA is because she is no longer able to sign a legal contract because of her dementia, not because you are her caregiver. That has nothing to do with it.
I was POA for my late husband and his caregiver for many many years.
Please don't forget that you matter too in this situation, and your husband deserves to have a wife that isn't burned out and stressed out all the time, don't ya think?