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To sum up what everyone else has suggested. I would probably avoid an airline due to all the regulations, waits etc. if you must go that route requiest in flight assistance and as soon as you can call one of the attendants and request assistance when needed. Having a third person would allow you to leave the restroom door open and have the third person shield everything with a blanket or coat and fend off other passengers needing to use the rest room.

A camper would also be an excellent idea especially if you can hire one a few days ahead and make some short trips in that.

Another idea not dedicated to the actual trip is it would be a good idea to be moved into the new home before transporting Mom. Arrange her room in the same way with the same furniture as she currently has. That way things will seem familiar to her.

Discus this move with her Dr and request advice on using anti anxiety meds and anti diarrheal as well.

As far as using a public restrooms if family bathrooms are not available if i was male i would use the genderappropriate facility for my loved one. Open the door wide and shout that you are bringing your wife in who is disabled and is it OK to come in now. All the women are safely locked in their cubicles and I have never seen anything inappropriate or embarrasing in the open area.
In the mens room the urinals are open as you know and this may not bother the men but it could embarrass your wife and she may not be able to "go" with men listening. Have you ever tried to use a bedpan in an ER when there is a man behind the next curtain? LOL Push and stain as much as you will that desperate pee won't come out.

I am sure you dealt with this before but take a roomy waterproof bag with empty plastic grocery bags, gloves and other supplies plus a collapsible basin or bucket so you can get water into the stall. If there is a mess in the stall tell an attendant and request they clean it up. many handicapped stalls have a help button you can use. your wife is the #1 priority not stall cleaning.although strowing a few paper towels on the floor may cover the worst and deter other users without grosing them out till it is cleaned. lots of time a toilet will overflow with normal use so everyone knows there are risks to using a public restroom.
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Bless your heart for being such a loving and supportive husband. This is a tough question, but perhaps this example of what happened when my husband took my mother to a doctor appointment to offer me some relief will be illuminating. My mother (who has moderate to severe dementia, but otherwise is still pretty ambulatory and "with it"), had gone into the bathroom and had a problem getting up off the lower height toilet seat. She called out, and my husband gingerly opened the door and without walking in asked if anyone was in there besides my mother. There was not, so my husband entered and proceeded to help her off the toilet. Two women did walk in during this time, but both were extremely understanding as we all are seeing so much more of these challenges now. I'm not sure if this is helpful to you in your particular circumstances or not, but the main thrust of my answer is that women, in particular, can be very understanding and accommodating under these circumstances. Good luck to you!
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I would agree that airplane bathrooms are not really designed for one much less two people - that could be a tough one. If she is currently using depends or the like, then one trip before the flight and one after, relying on the adult diaper for the flight.
Has she flown recently? Would she become frightened or agitated during the flight? I would be more concerned about how her behavior might be than worrying about bathrooms!

As for using the women's bathrooms, there are no open stalls (men's rooms usually have urinals, she and anyone using the men's room might not appreciate the intrusion.) Like others have said, if you knock and announce yourself first, you should not have an issue going into the women's bathrooms. If the room is empty when you enter but others come in later, it should be obvious to them what is going on and you should not have an issue.
MargaretMcKen - funny you posted that - I was not going to chime in, but I hear you on the queues at events!! I always wonder what does take women so long in the bathroom??? When my son was little, maybe 3yo, he had to go. We were waiting in one such queue, with the men's room just to our left. In/out, In/out, the door almost never stopped!! Finally I told him to just go in there, he really had to go! Door continued to open and close, with me worried outside! As one man was leaving I hear a plaintive moooommmm? PANIC! The guy stopped, held the door open and said no one else was in there, go on in. That was many many many years ago! So yes, sir, it can be done. There are jerks out there who might make a fuss. They'll get over it.

Depending on how far this trip is, taking extra time/days and making the most of it, I would opt for the car. Nice meals in restaurants, stay in nice hotels. Take the scenic (but not too far out of the way!) routes. Really make this last outing special! She is likely used to riding in the car with you, won't get stressed and there are plenty of rest stops along the way to take care of business.
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davero: The answer is yes. You should tell the Airline Company you have a medical transport and that person will be allowed to board early and with you and also get off the plane BEFORE every other passenger. Also the flight attendants need to be made aware of her requirements to assist her to the onboard restrooms. 
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I read just a couple-few months ago a hair-raising 'flying with an incontinent dementia patient). That was an eye-opener, not unlike travelling with a soon-to-explode time bomb!.....If you could find that discussion, it might be helpful. All I can say is there are a lot of 'family restrooms' in airports and malls and so on, now. You could take her in there. Otherwise, Super Super Strong Depends and several pairs of rubber pants. Good luck.
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I hope this message gets to you in time! I saved your question in my email inbox, so I can reply, and then so much happened here! We used Air Medical Group to fly my dad from one coast to the other when we relocated him to be closer to us. Dad is wheelchair-bound and incontinent. This company took care of EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. Their price is competitive, but their compassion and support were priceless! www.airmedgroup.com Doing this yourself will be difficult physically, emotionally, and logistically. It's not impossible, just difficult. A friend of mine transported her dad herself and she advised if doing it yourself to have a longer layover (if applicable) so that you have time with the bathroom stuff. She took her dad into the women's room. I think if your wife is in a wheelchair no one will say anything. On the plane is another story. You'd have to call the airlines and ask them what they recommend. Some have larger bathrooms than others.
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Great info SEEWELL - thanks from all of us who might need it next week or next year - hugs to you for sharing
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