My husband also sleeps many hours every day for 11+ years (since he retired), he never wanted to do anything, go anywhere and we have no family where we live nor close by either. I keep records of his insulin injections, blood glucose readings, medications, he does nothing except sleep. He does not listen to me, sometimes he cooperates regarding changing his clothes, will not bathe nor shower, does not shave, brush his teeth, complains about the meals I make, drinking water with his medications. I have talked to 2 Executive Directors from Assisted Living homes, he has had an assessments from both, they are smaller homes with 20 -30 residents, I have alot of guilt thinking about placing my husband in an A.L. I live in an Independent Senior apartment nearby the 2 A.L. homes. I do not know what to do, I have changed my mind 2x about placing him into either of the 2 A.L. homes. He will need his own bed, dresser, nightstand, lamp, TV, familiar pictures to him can be put up, etc. To add another not good situation being with me, his legs have become very, very weak and he has fallen several times in our apartment, I had to call the paramedics; he was taken to our ER, then to a Rehab. center where he stayed for 5 weeks to have PT and OT. When he was discharged, he was the same, very weak legs, only difference was the Rehab. center gave him a "regular" walker. I have been trying, with him, to do leg exercises at home, sometimes he won't cooperate, goes to bed and is always tired. Our Primary Dr. has no explanation why he is always tired and decided to prescribe a low dose antidepressant medication for him and there is no difference in my husband sleeping most hours every day. I do not know what to do. I did have a person from a caregiver business come into our apartment to try this and she was a disaster. When I arrived home, my kitchen was a total mess, she did not monitor his Type 1 diabetes blood glucose nor his 2 different insulins injections. My questions are....does my husband need to be placed into an A.L. home, he is ok with his bathroom hygiene (toilet) as yet and how do I deal with the guilt placing him into an A.L. I am worried he will not adjust and become worse into a different environment as an A.L. home....I do have reservations the Executive Directors at each home I have talked to and the 2 different people who came to our apartment assess my husband are not entirely upfront about how residents "really" are ok moving to a different environment such as A.L., memory care homes, etc. What I have read and researched online is mostly a "rosy picture" about how good care is done of each resident, their needs and health situations such as my husband's Type 1 diabetes, plus he has 6 stents in his heart. Please, could someone who is very experienced with elderly people, men and women, what is the "honest truth" about placing my husband in an A.L. home. I cannot see him when he would be admitted and living in an A.L. because of the Covid-19 virus. Only phone contact is allowed. I live in Wisconsin in a city of 43,000 residents.
Thank you very much for reading and answering my question(s) about placing my husband in an A.L. home and my guilt about doing this.
I wish you well. You're doing the right thing.
Back to the guilt. Although I was no longer caring for her 24/7 after placement, I was satisfied that she was lovingly cared for, had her meds managed properly, was in a safe secured area, and had healthful food. I was relieved knowing the care she recieved and finally realized I WAS still caring for her.
P.S. Care facilities should be allowing limited family visits now.
I understand all you say, but what comes through all you say is that you clearly can not longer do this care. It could in fact kill you, or him. And then what. If you are gone he doesn't even have visits.
Do try to change out your wording a bit because words matter. Guilt belongs to felons who hope for forgiveness and redemption. They have done evil with knowledge aforethought, and now wish for reform. Guilt suggest that there is a way out, that being change and hard work. GRIEF, on the other hand means we must mourn. We must be sad, because we have come to the end of human limitation and cannot go on, so there is no other way out but through the sadness. Learn to say that you feel guilt. I assure you, you are not a felon. Nor are you a Saint. If you were, we would kill you, then pray to you for eternity so you could cute everything that bothers us. You are a human who has done all you can and now you are grieving, and this loss, with all the losses we see one after another as we age is WORTH grieving.