My mom is 100. I invited her to move in with me when she was 90 and my dad passed away. She had vision problems and had fallen several times. I figured it would be for a few years and I could handle that. Well it’s been 11 years now and at 101 it could be several more. I had cancer while she was here, and really don’t know how much time I have left. I resent her longevity and worry I will never get to enjoy my not so golden age. I try to hint that she should consider assisted living, but she says I have to “tell” her when I don’t want her here anymore, which of course I can’t do. I feel like I can’t breathe anymore. I can’t stand the looks she gives me when she doesn’t approve of something I do. I resent her budding in when my granddaughter is over. I can’t make her understand boundaries, physical and mental. I know no one can really give me any advice but if I don’t tell someone how I feel I’m going to scream. btw, I am alone taking care of her. No living sibling. All my responsibility. It’s too much and she can’t seem to get it.
Just do it. You'll be happy once you're on the other side of this. You have nothing to feel guilty for, either. By caring for her in your home for 10+ years, you've already done more than the vast majority of us!!!
Good luck!
Have you got your alternative proposal figured out? Anything stopping you doing that?
From May 2013: "As for finances, I had to retire when my mother moved in. We rent out her home... Of that she gives my 350 a month, however, I use that to pay for cleaning the house (I now have 4 dogs, my 2 and her 2) and my cleaning lady is her renter! So essentially, she is living here for free. I struggle, because I don't get ss yet, and she sits with a huge bank account."
I would have removed my mother from my house if I got cancer. From your past posts, you have struggled having her live with you for years now. I see from one of your earliest posts that you are an only child.
You had to retire early to take care of her, and she is stingy with her money. You know she should be paying you a lot more than she does. Is she still legally mentally competent at age 101? Are you her POA/HCPOA? Does she have a will or trust? Are you the executrix (will) or successor trustee (trust)? Are you the sole beneficiary? Do you have an idea of the value of her estate/trust? I assume you are counting on it as your inheritance?
Are you going to hold yourself to the promise you made to her to never put her in a nursing home? I hope not!
Pick two that she can choose.
I gave them 30 days notice (w/o expressed/vocalized recrimination, no anger), and drove 1,000 miles away. I'm 66 now and have 2 years of healing under my belt. Within a year, they'd arranged for 4 hours/6 days a week care and decided mom could do on her own in between, come what may. Huh.
Dont feel guilty for your feelings, you have to do what’s best for both of you. I don’t know your age but at mine, I couldn’t do the minute by minute like the care she gets now.
Prayers that you’ll get support for your decisions.
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