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We've been married for 4 years, she became ill after 6 months of marriage. It's all heart related and doesn't seem like it will ever improve. I don't think I'm being selfish when I say I feel frustrated and lost. I believe that God will never give me more than I can handle, but sometimes I feel I'm just running out of gas. It seems every day is exactly the same as the day before. I guess I don't really know what it is I'm asking for here, I suppose I may have just needed a moment to express my confusion & frustration.

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Silver,

I used to scream at God, “Do you hear me, see me, care about me?”
I did that daily for years on end. I knew deep down that He cared but caregiving surely is a challenge!

I totally agree with your posting.

Thanks for expressing your sentiments. Many feel the same way!
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Firstly, God will give some of us MUCH more than we can handle. I assure you, as I feel like I am on wash, rinse, repeat every day. God has heard me say "I can't do this" many times.

This is said often, but harder to do...you must make time for yourself. Don't forget what makes you feel better. A sport, a movie, a walk, keep making time for yourself. And I know this is hard to do when we have so many other pressing things to get done in a day and always in the weeds.

See your doctor if things get too much. Sometimes we can get insomnia and that doesn't help matters. Or we get digestive issues, or other health issues crop up from the stress. Get help from your doctor. And get help with the everyday things too, like house cleaning, meal prep, etc. I know this might be impossible during the pandemic, but when feasible, get some relief this way. If you can stay covid safe, hire a caregiver several hours a week to help you. And go do something else when they are taking care of your wife. Do NOT stay in the house every day of every month. You must get out at least a few hours per week for your sanity.

Will your health insurance cover any services that might help you? Please think about meeting with her doctor and discussing caregiving options and respite care. This is most important to you right NOW. You need some support. When it's time for hospice, please consider it, and get as much time as they will allow. I know how hard it is to do the physical care daily for someone. It will beat you down. Think about calling Office on Aging, social services. Speak to a social worker, case manager, and have them advise you on what your wife might qualify for in terms of help. At one time, I used meals on wheels, which was a great help to me.

It is a very challenging and difficult job, caregiving. Hope some of my advice will be helpful to you.
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Answer to sle247365

Your view of Nursing Homes can be real.  My friend's husband of many years also had a long-term illness.  She was so against Nursing Homes for the same reason.  She took care of her husband for several years.  I remember running into her in a store and she had a knee brace on because she needed a knee replacement.  She said she had a few hours of respite each day and was glad of it.  Her husband had fallen a couple of times and she had to lift him or get help.  I know the burden was great for her.  Any way I got a call from a friend 2 weeks ago saying she died suddenly and her family was scrambling to find a nursing home for her husband.  She was 73 years old.  She died caring for him and he lives on.  I feel so bad for her and him.  But there are times long term caregiving can be risk to health and life for some caregivers.
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Did you not know of ANY of her health problems before you married? If so, did you take the time to research what her problems were and the prognoses of each. Sounds strange that after just 6 months she suddenly became so ill with so many things...
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My husband said the same thing but on our 25th anniversary and he left. My parents were married for 64 years and my mom died at home in his arms. Did you marry as a trial period or for better or worse? TALK TO HER! You don't need advice from people you don't know to justify your wanting out. Talk to HER. Tell her, gently, that you are burning out and ask for her help using all the love you had on the day you said I do. That's if you want decades together. If not, you'll be doing her a favor to leave. The more frustration and burnout grows will put both of you in an abusive marriage. God said for life so please don't insult Him by fooling yourself into thinking He would understand. That may sound harsh but I have seen this many times from many angles. If you're going to pray, pray that He gives you both a renewed love through thick and thin. Bad times come and can last a long time but good times also come. TALK TO HER!!! be patient with each other. God DOESN'T give us more than we can handle. You will find He is the latest, on time God!!!! Hang in there until you TALK TO HER and THEN, hang in there some more!!! (& more. Trust Him, put Him first. The rest is easy.)
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I understand completely where you are coming from. Not every person is suited to be a caretaker no matter what the past relationship was and if that is the case, you have to be honest with yourself and face it - it is a normal feeling in some cases. I firmly believe that when we have done all we can do and the impact of the patient's behavior and problems are deeply affecting us and our own quality of life and over time would destroy us, we must make a decision to either get caretakers to relieve us for what we are not capable of doing or we place them. I think you are at that point. Please start looking at options. No one has the right, regardless of what is wrong with them, to destroy someone else's life.
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Sle247365 Dec 2020
Marriage is for life, not convenience.
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What an unusual ordeal to go through. Speaks volumes of a very nice person in a very unlikely situation!
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It's hard to take care of our loved ones that are ill, so take time for yourself everyday to de-stress and ask God for guidance. Keep in mind that the Pandemic has taken a toll on all of us. I'm sure that if the roles were reversed, that your wife would gladly take care of you, Remember your marriage vows '. . . for better or for worse, in sickness and in health. . .'. I'm praying for you and your wife and your marriage. Blessings.
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Sle247365 Dec 2020
Thank you for your post. I agree 100%.!
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I wonder if you've thought about your situation in terms of grief. Grief for what was hoped for and talked about. The loss of a relationship - marriage - in the way that you envisioned it. And just when you were starting on that journey together.

We talk in our society about grieving someone's death, but that's not the only kind of grief there is in life. You've experienced a significant loss that's disruptive, emotionally and physically draining. For me, it took moving through stages of grief, especially anger and depression, before I was able to move on to acceptance with my husband's situation. In our case, it's a matter of the long good-bye - dementia - along with chronic health problems.

You've received lots of good feedback here. I know that I am truly grateful for all of the wisdom and experiences people share so freely. I hope you'll find what you need, too.
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Imho, every caregiver needs respite from time to time. Prayers sent.
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You are not alone. I've been a 24/7 caregiver for my wife for over 8 years. I read all the previous answers to your quest fro advice. Read them all and think about them. Come to terms with your situation. Get help even if just a few hours per day or of and on through the week. Keep yourself physically fit. if you need to fight depression, See your doctor. Come up with some other interests either in or out of home. Some things you can do with your wife or things you can do with yourself outside or inside. Check with your Aging Care resource either in your city/town, county or state. Lots of help out there. Is there a caregiver support group locally?
Best of luck to you and your wife.
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When I was caring for my dad, I started writing down everything that happened that day because it was all coming too fast and hard and I'm a habitual notetaker. I bought a big spiral-bound notebook and just put everything in there.

What surprised me, though, was that by doing that, I was able to offload a lot of my stress simply by having a place to put it. I'm not like some dreamy 16-year-old who writes down all her hopes and dreams in a diary, but I found I was putting down thoughts and fears in addition to all the factual stuff I needed to keep track of, and by offloading that stuff, I felt it gave me an ability to go on longer than I might have otherwise.

I know very well what it's like to feel like you're running out of gas, so you need to find ways to give yourself a little more rope when you feel like you've come to the end of yours. For me, writing it all down then putting a away worked.
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When you are the sole caregiver, it is overwhelming and exhausting. Try finding a support group. Google Alzheimer’s and/or your local hospice group. They may have online support groups you can join. I have one I go to every Friday morning. I wouldn’t miss it. It’s through hope hospice in RI. Wh have members from all over. Good luck and find time for yourself!
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I saw on here that you are 69?. Was she sick before the marriage? I am 76 and my paraplegic husband is 78. He had a spinal stroke at 66. I have been his 24/7 caregiver for 12 long years. He is bedridden and covered in bedsores. Hospice is coming 3 days a week now. I know he won't last much longer. We were married 10 years before his stroke. I now share with him the happy times because he now has dementia. It helps us both I think. Sometimes I feel cheated out of 12 years of my life. I only have 2 close friends now, the rest disappeared when he got sick. I have given up everything I loved. Dancing, metal detecting which was my hobby and good exercise as well. That's alright though because I promised him I would never put him in a nursing home. He is still my soulmate. Check in your state for Counsel on Aging or with Lt. Governors office for assistance. You can apply for money to help pay for respite care. I received $500. to pay someone to stay with him so I could take 4 days off. I'm sure you have mixed emotions right now, and I understand what you are feeling. Anger, guilt, cheated, etc. All of that is normal. You need to do what is best for you. Remember the only one responsible for your happiness and well-being is you. God Bless you and may you make the right decision. You only live once.
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Sle247365 Dec 2020
Love your post. My parents were married for 64 years and she died at home in his arms. He had been her 24/7 caregiver for 9 years and did have help come 3 days a week for the last year (family). He took care of her and 7 children. For her last 7 months he was diagnosed with prostate cancer but kept going BECAUSE he promised her he would never put her in a nursing home. He didn't seek treatment until after she passed. He told me that as she died, he held her and said, "We did it mama. We did it. Raised our babies and we made it." Now, at near 91, he has dimensia and I have taken care of him for 8 years. We have an angel from Heaven that came to live with us and takes care of us both as I, too, have fallen ill and am nearly bedridden. Prayer sent her to us. That slow goodbye as your loved one forgets who you are HURTS. You know that and is why I responded to your answer. I am moved to tears over your beautiful words and advice to someone I feel is looking for someone to tell him it's ok to leave his wife. God bless you. We will meet someday and I will give you a huge hug and thank you for this...
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Sorry this is brief but I don’t have time at the moment for a detailed reply. Bless your heart.

I don’t know all her medical history so keep that in mind when reading my comments. Lorazepam for anxiety is not the best idea. It does work well in the the short term but it’s addictive and make be making her tired. There are other more modern anti anxiety meds that might work better although they take time to kick in. And if she’s been on lorazepam awhile she might need to be weaned off it slowly due to addiction.

Lymphoedema is a real pain. Literally. Lots of doctors do not understand it properly and think it is the same as pitting oedema. It’s not. But you can have both. Pitting oedema is caused by excess fluid build up usually in the legs but can even be in the arms and trunk. If you press with a finger and hold it for a minute and then move it and it leaves a dent, that’s pitting oedema. Diuretics might help to shift it as well as tight stockings. Lymphoedema is different and has more to do with the lymphatic system and is much more difficult to treat. If pressing firmly with a finger is painful and doesn’t leave a dent it’s more likely to be this. But there are good clinics that deal specifically with it that she should take advantage of as good treatment can be transformative.

I suspect that her worst and most limiting problem is her anxiety. It will make all of her physical issues worse. Lots of things can help with anxiety including medications, counselling, CBT, cold water swimming, exercise etc etc. Her solution will depend on the background of her anxiety.

sorry to be so brief. There have been lots of great responses. Most importantly is that you sound burned out and need to remember to look after yourself. Remember that in an airplane emergency they say to put oxygen on yourself first, not to be selfish but so you are then able to look after others.

May God bless you and keep you and make His face shine upon you and give you peace.
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Sickness and in health?
I'm sorry. It sounds very difficult.
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You did not describe how disabled your wife might be. Is she bedridden? Mentally alert? Capable of any activity at all?

My father was sole caretaker for my mother for 47 years after she became paraplegic in her 30's. She was physically dependent on his care and as her needs increased over the years, my father would learn necessary new nursing skills to be able to take care of her.

My mother was mentally alert and could manage limited household tasks as long as supplies and tools were put within her reach if she was to be left alone. While my father was still working, he would get my mother up and dressed and prepared in the morning, wheel her to the kitchen where she could at least move around the room in her wheelchair, and make sure she had the telephone and tools and supplies were within reach. She was not able to move from room to room by herself, so there she was until my father got home.

They were married for 54 years and raised four children. Social gatherings, family trips and so on took more planning and preparation than they would for a family without a disabled member, but accommodations were always figured out and arrangements made and that was our normal life.

My mother was forever deeply grateful that her husband was such a capable and caring man, and my father was devoted to her and was happy and fulfilled that he was able to take care of her. Maybe my parents were unusual in how they dealt with their lives, but they were certainly a wonderful example to their children.

Forgive me for indulging a personal and perhaps irrelevant story, but jjas57's message brings back memories of how my parents dealt with their caretaking situation.
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cherokeegrrl54 Dec 2020
Thank you for posting this loving message about your parents and family.
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I totally agree with those who advise doing something to keep a life for yourself. For about 2.5 years, I cared for my husband (9 years older) who had multiple ailments plus early stage Alzheimer's. The only way I could stay sane through this was to have hired caregivers in every day. We have no relatives living anywhere near, so hands-on help from family wasn't possible. It was especially important to have someone to take charge overnight, so I could get a good night's sleep. Usually I had someone there for 6 hours or so during the daytime, so I could get away for a bit and get grocery shopping done. It was horrendously expensive to have the caregivers, some from agencies and some independently. It used up a huge chunk of savings, but well worth it for me. We had some financial assistance from a county elder care program, plus 13 hrs./week covered by the Veterans Administration because he had served in the Air Force years ago. This summer, his condition deteriorated to where I thought it necessary to keep him in the nursing home, where he was sent after a 4-day hospital stay. Now I'm adjusting to living alone again, as I did before getting married. It's also tough not being able to visit him in the NH due to Covid-19 restrictions, but we stay in touch by phone and an occasional video/zoom visit. Now going through the mess of getting qualified/applying for Medicaid, but that's a whole other story.

I admire your dedication in trying to do it all, and not at all surprised you are feeling frustrated and lost. Please, for the sake of your own health and sanity, get someone to help with her care. I find it hard to imaging getting by with just 3 hours a day of respite as someone suggested. And sleep is essential to maintaining your own health, it's not good to short yourself on that.

Best of wishes to you.
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All of us caring for ill spouses have been where you are, but it must be particularly difficult so early in your marriage. I have nearly 40 years of marriage and memories to sustain me now as my husband slips into Parkinsons. Your wife is very lucky to have you, as many would be looking for a way out about now. What has been important for me is to make sure that our loving relationship has moments outside of caregiving to keep it going - activities and interests you shared before her illness, date night activities, and the deep conversations that do not revolve around her illness. Remember together and honor your romantic relationship so that you don't lose it. Build it into your schedule if you can. Be sure to block out time for yourself as well and continue your own interests. It sounds as if your wife can be left alone some of the time,but if she can't you need to find respite care. It's harder to find support and resources now, but they are still there. Your church is a good place to start but you can also check with your wife's doctor about local contacts for resources. There are also some support groups online specifically for those of us caring for an ill spouse, rather than a parent. Well Spouse Association - Spousal Caregivers on Facebook is one. Good luck and God bless you.
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I know the feeling and I feel for you. I'm going down that road now.

You are burned out and it's understandable. You have to make a decision. Either you get someone to care for your wife or you put her in a long term facility.

You need a life too. You need to care for yourself, physically and mentally. You need to do what's best for your wife and yourself.
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Sle247365 Dec 2020
I worked in several nursing homes. I wouldn't CONDEMN my enemies to a place like that. Especially now when you can't even hug them! I promise you that when the family is not there OFTEN to oversee their care, they are neglected. I watched it and tried to stop it and was eventually asked to retire because I was making waves. "Nursing" and "Home" are not two words I could utter...
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Your dilemma is quite real. Not many who feel this way are willing to openly admit it. You don’t mention your respective ages or if there are adult children in the equation (I’m assuming your have no little ones). You also don’t say what her illness is. Is it a long term physical problem or a form of dementia? The lack of information makes it harder for you to get relevant responses. I do commend your candor.
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NYDaughterInLaw Dec 2020
On his profile he states that his wife is 69. He also wrote: "double bypass surgery, has copd, congestive heart failure, severe lymphoedema, diabetes, and asthma. She takes lorazepam 3x daily for anxiety & carbodopa 2x daily for tremors"
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Getting married late in life can be full of challenges.  It is at "this" age that things start to happen, if you know what I mean.  It's hard for someone to go into care giving mode after they have been married for 40 years...I can't imagine doing after only 6 months of marriage.  Oh dear.  I don't know what kind of care she needs, but can you get a part time job just to get out of the house and have some socialization?  Does she have adult children who can come in for a day or a few hours to give you a break?  I'm not sure what to tell you other than put the shoe on the other foot.  What if it were you that became ill after 6 months of marriage?  Would you want her to walk away or help you?  I understand your frustration and I think you know there is no easy answer here.  Make sure you are doing something for yourself every day...  that could mean taking a walk, or going for a drive, or hitting a coffee shop to meet a friend...whatever will bring you some joy.  Also, find some assistance with her care and that could be family, friends, a service, etc...
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"...I quit my job to be here 24/7...I'm new to all this, I don't see it getting any easier, it's actually getting harder. ..." In my opinion, it was a mistake to quit your job. Your wife is only 69 years old. By enabling her to do nothing for herself, you are disabling her. Did she *ask* you to quit your job? Most men feel their most useful by bringing home the bacon.

Caregiving is not for everyone. Might it be possible for you to go back to your old company? Would you be able to hire a few hours of help for your wife at home? If not, I urge you to consider finding a job, getting out of the house, and re-establishing balance in your life. Sadly, many caregivers die before the ones for whom they are caring.

Your wife has serious illnesses, which are chronic. Certainly it is hard on you watching her decline in such a short time when you should be enjoying new-marital bliss. Unless you make some changes - and get your wife to take responsibility for her own health - you may be looking at caregiving for another 20+ years. Ask yourself if that's how you envisioned your life. Again, many caregivers die before the ones for whom they are caring. It's a real risk.
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It seems like every day is the same as the one before because it is. Since you've only been married for four years, I'm going to assume that you are not elderly. Your wife became seriously ill six months into your marriage. You never had the chance to be a husband. You got married and became a caregiver and that's been your life for years. Of course you love your wife and want to do right by her. You should have a life outside of your caregiver duties. I would suggest that you employ some in-home caregivers to help out with your wife and give you a break. You deserve to have someone caring for you as well in your situation. Discreetly take a mistress. This may sound harsh, but it's not. You're doing right by your wife and are not abandoning her. She doesn't have to know but very well might be open-minded about such an arrangement and understand that although the two of you love each other, you don't live a married life. The two of you never lived one and your marriage has been a caregiver/patient relationship from the beginning. Your wife may well be very understanding about you having a life outside of being a caregiver. Of course with COVID going on that isn't possible right now. When the pandemic is over and people can safely interact with each other once again, you should start going out and socializing on your own.
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You need a little more people in your support network: to help care for your wife, to socialize with both of you, and to ensure both of your mental health. With COVID pandemic, burn out and social isolation are huge problems for a large part of every community. Start by asking family, friends, members of your faith community... to become more of a part of your weekly life: to help with tasks, to visit for meals, movies, games... and to give you time out of the home to do things you enjoy. If need be, supplement with paid health - sitters, home health aides... You can find information and rates through home health care agencies in your community.

I know the concern regarding COVID transmission is a part of our lives now and well into next year. Ask all visitors to wear face masks over their mouth and nose. Try to visit outdoors or in the largest room with good circulation. If you have a room that can be closed off from the rest of the house (3 season room, family room, game room...) consider this your "social room" and only have visitors in this room and 1 bathroom. Use high quality filters for your furnace or a/c. Wash high touch surfaces like counter tops, table tops and handles after visits and before preparing foods. Wash hands frequently, Ask visitors to use hand sanitizer or wash hands when entering your home. With those precautions, risk of contracting COVID will be minimal.
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I totally understand as I have been married 36 years but feel exactly the same. My friends encourage me to get outside help but I have been fearful because of the
pandemic. I am beginning to feel that I will have to take the risk and hire someone just to maintain my sanity. Good luck
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It's called caregiver burnout. It happens all the time, and ironically it happens to good people who actually care enough to sacrifice completely of themselves for the selfless good of others. You keep asking yourself, "when will I emerge on the other side of this thing, and how? Will I be stronger, wiser, a better version of myself?"

The answer is not a simple one. Perhaps you will be one or a combination of those things, but you will also certainly be be older, and for at least a short while, disoriented and fatigued.

It's important to come to terms with the realities of your wife's condition, and your ability to cope with it for any length of time.

Is she terminally ill? If so, what is the prognosis in terms of time? Does she have dementia and is otherwise fairly healthy, because depending on age, you could be caring for her in such a state for MANY YEARS to come...

If you can rationally accept that you are only human, and a good human at that, you may be able to begin to reasonably discern: A.) The duration and course her illness may take, and B.) Your physical, emotional, spiritual, and financial ability to care for her for said course and duration.

Does she have any family? Any resources, human or financial, to assist in this process? Being a caretaker from 6 month of marriage is a hefty burden and you are not a monster for thinking so, nor are you cruel to imagine how you can remove yourself compassionately from this situation.

Check out the NIH and subsidiary NIA. Look up your state's department or coalition on aging, there may be great information to assist you in figuring out what to do next- the county you live in may also have a similar website or resources.

Remember, if she is truly disabled, she will likely be eligible for Medicare and social security. Similarly, you may be able to collect a stipend for cating for her which can ease the burden financially. You may have to take a short course on caretaking, but anything helps, and honestly you probably know most of what they're going to teach you anyway, so it should be a breeze.

As a 34 year old caretaker of two grandparents in their late 80s since I was 30, I have run the gamut of similar sentiments, and they are never easy to come to terms with or rationally hash out.

Bottom line: if you can achieve the monumentally difficult task of separating the emotions from the crucial accounting of the material facts, and add a heaping dose of your own wishes to how you would like this delicate recipe to turn out, you will be so much better off.

God bless you, and good luck!
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Allisonhere Dec 2020
Your response is so caring, intelligent and detailed that it took my breath away. So helpful to me even though I am not in this situation.
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I can understand your frustration. You don't mention your ages. If you are a young man in 20's, 30's, or 40's married for just 4 years, I can understand your frustration of caring for her 24/7. But if you both are upwards of 65 or 70, that should have been a consideration before marriage. Expect marrying at older age that being elderly can bring a different life, and lifestyle.
I would suggest you find a caregiving support group and attend regularly. In your case if she doesn't have memory loss, I would suggest a support group for illnesses that are NOT for memory loss. If she does have memory loss, find a support group strictly for memory loss. There will be differences to learn from these type groups that will help you cope, help you find ways to cope, and how others' handle situations. If you're not in upper years, find an advocacy group by asking your doctor or some other agency to help you find a caregiving support group. If you are senior, start with your Area on Aging in your State or County, they are resourceful agencies to help and lead you to some kind of help for yourself, and for how to care for your spouse.
If you can afford it, look into volunteer caregiving support, or individual people who are caregivers for less $$ than a caregiving company. If you are able to leave her for a while, go to an afternoon movie, (if theaters are open now during Covid), go to an afternoon lunch; golf, find a horseshoe group or pickle ball group to play or some other activity. If you are truly in love with your wife, you will find great help in your caregiving by the support group or getting a friend or relative to give you some respite once in a while. If you aren't happy with the situation and want "out" then see your lawyer. If you keep on caring for your wife without "support" and you are unhappy with your life as that is, you will only wear yourself down and get to hating life in its entirety and hate your wife as well.
Ask your doctor to recommend some type of help you can get, and initiate legal activities to care for her and you. Some of the Area on Aging departments of counties/State also have some lawyers doing pro bono work for individuals who can't afford attorneys. Good luck to you and your wife. Take care yourself as you take care of your spouse. Pray for guidance.
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This hits close to home and presents an issue I have had to confront as well. Please take the responses I’ve seen here for you to take time to care for your needs to heart. I know that the better I feel, both physically and mentally, the better I cope with my wife’s and my circumstances. But that is only part of the answer to your question. The idea of losing your loving husband/wife relationship and becoming nothing more than patient/caregiver is one of the most difficult issues with which you will have to deal. I can tell you that dealing with that, like everything else, is a process and you will do well some days and poorly on others. After years of caregiving now, what I just recently have started trying to do is finding new things that I can do for my wife, not because she “needs” them but just because I love her. I know that everything we do for our spouses is out of love but we get so wrapped up and worn out providing for their needs, we quit, how should I say it, romancing them. An example: my wife loves Christmas but is confined to her bed 95% of the time. I quit decorating the rest of the house and bought a smaller tree and put it up in her room. We put on Christmas music and decorated the tree together by me bringing each ornament to her and we shared memories about the ornament before I put it on the tree. I decked out her entire bedroom. The idea here is not to decorate her room but rather to try to find things that she will enjoy that you can, in a modified way, share together. We’ve done that with wrapping Christmas presents. We have turned her shower days into “spa day” and do face creams and body washes. In many cases, it’s how you approach the things you are doing anyway; you just try to make it more fun for her. That has helped me to se her more as the girl I dated 53 years ago than my patient. Please don’t hear me to suggest that this is easy or 100% effective. But, it helps. We get so tied up meeting our spouses physical needs, we neglect their emotional needs (as well as our own). While it may sound like “one more thing” you have to do, the benefit to your relationship with your wife is worth it. Doing these types of things provides an emotional connection that is otherwise missing. Try to think of it like you are dating. When you are wooing someone you do things just because they would like it, just because it’s a sweet thing to do, just because you love them - try to do more of those things. It’s on you now because she can’t do those things. Hope that helps in some small way.
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RedVanAnnie Dec 2020
What a lovely contribution to the forum and what a positive and loving attitude you have expressed.

Thank you for telling us about the beautiful way you are moving through life's journey.
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I read that too much aspirin, when combined with beta blockers, can lead to congestive heart failure. Consider looking up the side effects of her meds (and also how they interact with each other) and see if they are aggravating her condition. A pharmacist might also be able to tell you. Also consider natural alternatives, such a a dietary change, that could help reduce her meds, with the guidance of a health practitioner.
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