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How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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I've no exerience in your situation but I have to wonder if, at 87, a person like your mother can slip into also having dementia. I ask because her age begs the question whether she is actually able to help herself (and by this I mean a rehab or 12-step program)? Maybe I'm being totally naive (but want to state that I do not believe in enabling or toxic co-dependent relationships). Is there someone else who you can work through to help her by proxy? Like a neighbor, non-alcoholic friend, other family member? And by help I mean taking her to get assessed for cognitive/memory impairment, detoxing, etc.? Or maybe contacting APS to get her on their radar as a vulnerable adult? Also, is she still driving?
I've very sorry that you have a mother like this...I wish you much wisdom for the situation and peace in your heart whatever transpires.
When you posted this question yesterday, you got a response from Riverdale which says: "You will get more responses if you inform of circumstances and relationships."
Many people here have gone no contact with NPD mothers. It's never an easy decision, but it can be a life saving one for the daughters and sons for obvious reasons. There is a whole thread (in discussions) on this topic here:
Hopefully, you will glean some useful information/coping tips from this discussion thread which has over 1,000 comments on it to date.
I'm so sorry you are going through such a stressful situation with your mother. Alcoholism is a terrible thing and there really isn't anything YOU can do for HER until & unless SHE wants to change her behavior. And then to throw NPD into the mix just makes the whole problem even more chaotic.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation. Peace and prayers sent your way, my friend.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
I've very sorry that you have a mother like this...I wish you much wisdom for the situation and peace in your heart whatever transpires.
Many people here have gone no contact with NPD mothers. It's never an easy decision, but it can be a life saving one for the daughters and sons for obvious reasons. There is a whole thread (in discussions) on this topic here:
https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/caregiving-for-a-narcissistic-mother-do-we-do-it-out-of-love-or-out-of-years-of-guilt-and-programmin-463032.htm?orderby=recent
Hopefully, you will glean some useful information/coping tips from this discussion thread which has over 1,000 comments on it to date.
I'm so sorry you are going through such a stressful situation with your mother. Alcoholism is a terrible thing and there really isn't anything YOU can do for HER until & unless SHE wants to change her behavior. And then to throw NPD into the mix just makes the whole problem even more chaotic.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation. Peace and prayers sent your way, my friend.