I have read about how bad this is. And against the law. But I'm upstairs with her down the hall. I just started locking her in. A slide lock from the outside on top. She doesn't know it's there. From 12 to 8 . This is nessasary because My mom may fall down our stairs is a big concern its 16 steps. And she will go in the kitchen try to cook and turn on the gas. She cuts the gas on all the time. Gas fumes all over. We took knobs off and she will still turn them on especially in the winter to keep warm. She takes good roast out and steaks any food she sees in freezer she will try to cook. My son came in the kitchen the smoke alarm went off she was sitting at the table with smoke all around while some food she put in the oven was burning. She is up at night will go downstairs looking for food 2:00 in the morning. Take food out leave it on table mix strange things together. I'm tired of not sleeping and worries about gas blowing up and her safety. When I do sleep I'm exhausted I may not hear her or know what she is doing. AND also her urine incontinence is awful all over the house. Nothing I can do she hates adult pull ups. She won't listen to me. I take care of my mom by myself. No help. My son is off on Tues and watches her sometimes a couple of hours while I run errands. She does everything she pulls off all her covers on her bed to the mattress everyday. I cannot understand why. Her mind is so bad and I can hardly handle her. My family does not like convelasant homes I can't put her there. When she is trying to open the door about 2:30 in the morning it unnerves me. It's a nitemare. But after a few minutes she goes back to bed. What else can I do???? Even my aunt who is her sister and a nurse told me for her safety and mine lock her in till morning. Yes it's drastic but I have peace of mind for a little while. All of this is slowly killing me. Sometimes I think I could die from so much stress.
I have no useful suggestions for you, unfortunately, because I can't think of one single thing you can do to protect your mother or yourselves from what's happening right now. I'd like to wish you good luck & Godspeed, though, and send you a big hug.
" My family does not like convelasant homes I can't put her there." Who in the family does not like nursing homes and how dangerous does your situation need to be before you realize that the way you are living is not safe for anyone?
You are in over your head. Mum is at the stage that a village is needed to care for her, not just one woman and her son.
And yes, you could die from the stress. Then what happens to Mum? What happens if you have a stroke, heart attack, or collapse from exhaustion?
In a different post I mentioned a friend of my Mum who had early onset ALZ. Her wonderful husband died of stomach cancer 3 years into the diagnosis. She lived another 20 years.
I HATE nursing homes, BUT when it is desperate, you gotta do what you gotta do. Even though it may be quite challenging. She needs to be safe and you need to sleep.
A nursing home solves both problems. Having an overnight caregiver could be another solution.
Please get some help and take care of yourself.
Please, please take the wise advice given to you here.
Many hugs as you find solutions for your mother's care.
As to the gas stove. Try contacting your gas company about installing an electrically operated gas valve that shuts the gas supply off to the stove. Around here our restaurants have them on their grills and such. Should there be a power failure or equipment malfunction the gas is shut off automatically. I am sure that you could have one installed that can be activated by a key switch in the kitchen or operated by the smoke detector. I would opt for the key switch.
Maybe a child proof lock could be installed on the fridge.
Of course you need to sleep. If you haven't been successful finding a medication that guarantees you several uninterrupted hours at night then perhaps it is time you acknowledged that this is a task that is beyond what one person, no matter how loving and well intentioned, can do. There are other options, but all of them involve sharing the load, such as sending her to adult day care which may tire her out so she sleeps at night, hiring caregivers to cover the shifts you can't. It's time to look outside the box you're accustomed too.
If the authorities were to discover that you are locking mom in, you most likely would be brought up on charges. Mom taken from the home to become a ward of the state. All it would take is a neighbor or even a sibling or other relative to make the report to the authorities. Locking her in is illegal. Are there bars on the windows too?
Mom needs more care than you can provide. Call the Area Agency on Aging for help to find the resources you and mom need. It is past time to find the best care and solution for mom.
And they are sacrificing YOU to the cause.
DO NOT LET THEM DO THIS. Do you live with your mother in her house? Or does she live with you in yours? Are you her POA/HCPOA? Is she still considered competent to make her own decisions?
It's not that you are failing or givng up! You just need a new plan for MORE care - one that looks after BOTH of you.
My usual comment: if you broke your leg, what is your backup plan? Don't get stuck in the 'only family' can help rut. Agree with CM: reach out to the professionals around you.
Right. You're right, this is a nightmare.
Your family doesn't like convalescent homes, huh.
Well, that's okay. They're not moving into one, and they're not understanding or thinking through the basic care needs and safety of your mother.
You must not lock your mother in her bedroom. If this came to light for any reason, you would be in so much trouble.
But you must keep your mother safe. I promise you, I really do understand the bind you're in, and how impossible it seems.
Caring for somebody with dementia as advanced as your mother's, though, IS impossible for one person in a standard family home. She needs a team of people so that round the clock there is somebody with her to monitor her, reassure her, and redirect her. You cannot be awake 24/7, and see to her needs, and run a house, and do all of the other ordinary work of a normal day.
You're on a tight budget, I see from another post, and you've been caring for your mother for seven years. Okay. So, who are you in touch with? What about medical, social care, nursing or other professionals? Who else, outside "the family," is aware of your mother's situation?