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My 87 year old mom hasn’t been officially diagnosed with anything but she definitely has some dementia or other going on . For the second Christmas in a row is is accusing myself and my adult children of stealing all of her stuff, ( they are only here for a couple of days ) and last night she was up with clear sundowning . More of the same last night she kept me up till 4 am , kept calling me on the phone when I’m right upstairs and have a ringer if she needs me . Accused me of everything in the book and dropping her off on this place ( which is her home) I’m exhausted and am really struggling here. She won’t go in to see her doctor so I’m at a loss at one to do . I try not to loose my temper bc I understand that’s this is not the mom I know and love . But wow I’m in the trenches here and it really hurts my soul when she calls me a thief and a liar.
another sad Christmas in Va

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Misha, other posters have set out the best way to get M into the medical system. This is just to give you the alternative, which is to give her an eviction notice (this assumes that the house belongs to you, not to M). That piece of paper can be a serious threat to get her to go to the doctor, so long as you say that she is going to have to leave if she doesn’t co-operate. You 'can't take it anymore'.

If the house belongs to M, not to you, the option is there for you to leave yourself – or threaten seriously.
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Reply to MargaretMcKen
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Call her primary care physician and ask for a UTI test and neuro referral.
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Reply to jwellsy
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Next round of Mom's craziness, call 911 and tell them you think she has a UTI. Tell them she is acting crazy, just do not mention the word "dementia." She will get seen in the ER, and you can contact the hospital Social Worker to get a hold of her Doctor for help.

She is clearly showing dementia, but don't tell the EMTs this. You can try to contact her Doctor and tell him you think something is wrong with her, she is "acting aggressive and not making sense." Tell her SDoctor she is keeping you both up all night, ranting and trying to argue. You are worried and scared! Don't say the word "dementia" or you won't get any help. Say she is "acting crazy and not making sense."

At least she will get seen and hopefully diagnosed. You aren't a medical professional and can't handle this situation alone. Your Mom needs medical help and needs to see a Doctor.

She will only get worse with her behavior. When she calls you names and insults, just leave the room and don't argue with her. It won't do any good. It's not your Mom causing this, her brain is mis-firing. If she has a UTI, that will cause her to act crazy as well....which can be fixed easy with antibiotics.
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Reply to Dawn88
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Do not lose your temper. Do not take anything she says personally. Ever seen The Exorcist? This is what dementia is like, pretty much. The mother you knew and love is still in there. It's just that when she sundowns, it's like another entity has taken over for a few hours before it quits and comes back again for the next sundowning episode So, the entity is attacking you, not your mother.
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Reply to rcnyc2364
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Not all that long ago, my mother was having an umbrella filter surgically inserted into her aorta at midnight on Christmas Eve., to prevent blood clots from killing her.

This isn't about Christmas. It's about getting your mother to the hospital for badly needed medical attention before she doesn't see New Year's, God forbid. Living alone with dementia is very, very dangerous. What she "wants" and what she "needs" are two different matters. She needs medical attention. Please get her to the hospital stat.

Best of luck.
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Reply to lealonnie1
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So perhaps it's time now to call 911 and tell the EMT's that you think your mom has a UTI(yes you'll have to lie), as she's acting strangely and needs to be checked out at the hospital. Don't tell them about her dementia until after she's been checked out at the hospital.
And then after letting the doctors know of her dementia behaviors, you let them know that she can no longer live by herself as she is an "unsafe discharge" and that you need help in getting her placed in the appropriate facility.
The social worker will then find a facility to place your mom in where she will receive the 24/7 care she now requires and be given the appropriate medications for her sundowning and paranoia.
I know that this isn't what you wanted for Christmas this year, but it must be done sooner than later as your mom needs help as do you and your family, so it might just be the best Christmas gift for all involved to call 911 now.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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Is this behavior ongoing?
Unusual or the norm?
Whom does she live with?
Could this be an acute bladder infection?
You don't give us great information here as to her history.
Sounds like she is badly in need of a trip to her MD.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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