Mom 96, dementia, got up this morning earlier than usual. She usually sleeps until 10:30-12pm.
She got up, got dressed, opened the door without shutting off alarm. Long, long, story short. I was sleeping, something I hadn’t done much for the last week. The neighbor called and said police were here and had guns drawn. Apparent alarm company called too. There was no response from me, due to my sleeping. So they called police. I went out thru the garage and police had guns drawn, thinking it was a breakin. I explained the situation and they left.
My question to all of you. I need her in her room until I am awake and up. She gets scared if she can’t find me so I am hesitant about lock-in her bedroom door shut from the outside so she would have to wake me up before she is on the move. I don’t want an alarm on her bed because she does get up thru the night for bathroom trips. I don’t think I get more than 2-4 hours sleep per night, and 2 nights I haven’t slept at all. So it really doesn’t surprise me I slept thru the alarm and phone call from security.
Putting her in AL is out of the question.
She can not afford to hire help over night.
ANY SUGGESTIONS WOULD BE APPRECIATED.
Thank you in advance for your help.
Extra locks are a great idea.
I am just concerned that the alarm was set off and OP slept through it. I think the whole point of an alarm is to keep us from being caught unawares.
And the baby gate, mine came with an accessory that allows it to be used as a gate, installing it to the door frame.
The whole idea of home alarms is to not be caught sleeping by an intruder. You now know that you could be caught sound asleep in your bed.
This will awaken you if anyone breaches a door or window.
I agree that locking her into her bedroom would not be safe. That would be my worry with gates and locks as well. I just am paranoid about fires. And as I said I fear Mom may begin to wander farther during other times of the day. I think that Cashew's idea is a good one, about Mom being able to get no farther than the yard, but don't know weather conditions where you live, and if cold or too hot that could be far enough to cause damage, and certainly a lot of worry.
I wonder if you could simply CLOSE her bedroom door, and install some sort of trip alarm that goes off at your bedside when it is opened. That would be assuming she has her own bathroom for those frequent bathroom trips. You might speak with an alarm company and explain your exact situation.
Afraid that's the best I can come up with and surely do hope others have experience with this and good suggestions. Wishing you the best.
So, if she gets out, it just to the back yard.
Just make sure that it's set up too high for her to get over--b/c having tripped over a baby gate more than once...we just decided to teach the babies to go downstairs, it was so dangerous to the adults! But one set up a foot or two in the doorway would probably give mom the impression she's up against a door.
Warning: unless you install this really tightly in the doorway, it can be pushed over.
Don't 'go cheap' on this. Make sure that the gate fits VERY snugly in the doorway.
We used to always have the deadbolts with the key in them. I had small kids and sure didn't want wanderers. I think a lot of us have had to resort to these 'fire code' violations for the safety of our LO's who are too old or too young to understand that they're less safe out wandering the streets.
Have you put a baby monitor in her room? The receiver is next to your bed. All you have to do is look at it during the night to see if mom is on the prowl. It's completely innocuous and was a great thing for my grands--I often babysat late at night and b/c of the monitor, I never actually 'saw' my grand in person. Just a sleeping baby.
I wish you luck--that must have been a horrible way to be awakened!
This is what we installed. You can unlock it from either the inside or outside of door.
If Mom is never left alone, then you may want to put a key deadlock on the inside of the door. Yes, against fire code. My cousin did this because my Uncle kept trying to get out. He was never alone. As soon as he passed, my cousin took them out.
she does have a bathroom in her bedroom. The gate might work. I’ll need to make sure she doesn’t have anything in her room she would be able to use as a way to climb over it.
You all are lifesavers when it comes to a sounding board!
Depending on how "active" she is during the day and how much napping she does, you might want to give her activities like kitchen towel folding (like a lot of them) or sorting objects. These tasks help them to burn mental and physical energy and may help her sleep through the night. It helped my 99-yr old aunt a lot, and she was taken off the Tylenol PM that the family caregiver was giving her (plus it was making her constipated). If nothing else works I would approach her doctor to discuss possible sleeping meds so that both of you can get enough rest.
Is there a hallway leading to the bedrooms that include the bathroom, your bedroom, and Mom's bedroom?
Install a door there.
Lock it at night.
You could also install a row of lights leading from her room to yours, to be used as directional signals or reminders of where she might go. That is if you think
she could cognitively do this.
Both you and your Mom must have been scared to see police. Exiting the house through the garage is just what a thief/intruder might do.
Maybe get a consult from your security provider for future reference.