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You are truly at your breaking point. How old is your MIL? Can’t she find an apartment of her own to live permanently? Your situation is sad, and I don’t understand why your MIL isn’t getting the message that you don’t want her in your home. You need to give your husband an ultimatum that he either find an apartment and move his mother there permanently or you will be the one leaving permanently. Your home should be your castle, and living with this animosity of your MIL living there will tear your marriage apart.
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deanbetty Feb 13, 2024
Thank you for your input. I have tried, but he says his mother will stay because this is where she lives.
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Perhaps it’s not OK to want MIL to do a trip to visit her other son – or to insist that her other son accepts her visit. If it’s mixed up with “I have told her numerous times, I don't want her in my house”, then the request gets to be part of a bigger problem.

However it is OK to put MIL up in a hotel for the time you need the extra room. You have a half share in the marriage and in the house, don’t you? Leave the ‘get her out completely’ for another time and another argument.
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deanbetty Feb 13, 2024
Thanks for the suggestion. She absolutely refuses to go to a hotel, even one that is nearby and perfectly acceptable in all regards.
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I’m afraid much of the anger and frustration you feel for your MIL should perhaps be directed at your husband. He created and defends this living arrangement. He doesn’t stick up for you at all. I hope you can arrange a nice vacation with your family in a location away from your home, rent a nice place with a view and let your husband pay for it. Leave him at home with his mommy. Spend the time enjoying the sights with your family and reflecting on how to solve your marriage issues when/if you come home. I wish you peace
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lealonnie1 Feb 13, 2024
Great idea 😊
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Try Marriage counseling .
If your husband does not come around and he continues to put his mother first and allows her to live in your home ( which is making you miserable ) , go to a divorce lawyer , maybe he/she can help you kick them both out of your house .

So sorry. Good luck.
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deanbetty Feb 13, 2024
Thsnk you. I gave contemplated doing that.
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It's 2 against one here......your husband and his selfish mother against you, so you lose. Your husband has no respect for you or your family if he's telling you all 4 of them should sleep on the floor of the office! And you must have lost respect for him now, since he's treating you so poorly and refusing to ask his mother to take a trip to see her other son for 3 weeks. Is there no room to compromise here? Is this situation not affecting HIS marriage the way it's affecting YOURS? If you're so unhappy with MIL living in your home, how happy can he be?

See a marriage counselor who may be able to talk you through this. You'll both have to be on the same page about asking MIL to move out for 3 weeks AND to move out permanently. It's not your decision 100% OR his decision 100%. It's a decision you arrive at together, as a team.

If not, sell the house and take your half of the proceeds, or have hubby buy you out, and he and mommy can live together happily ever after while you start a new life.

Best of luck with a difficult situation.
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deanbetty Feb 13, 2024
Thank you. I did propose this route. I may very well end up doing just what you suggested. Thanks.
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Sadly, you don't have a mil problem, you have a marital problem.

You own the home jointly, correct? Then it's as much his as yours.

Yes, inviting her to live with you was an error.

Have you sought therapy to deal with this issues?
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