Im looking for short answers to my question. I probably shouldnt think this way but if it came down to losing a spouse because your a caregiver at home. Thus having to choose between your marriage or your parent(s) which would you choose? ! Just hypethetical and am curious to see your answers! You dont have to say why! Lol
compassionate enough to want to care for my mother. And I would certainly want to care for his mother. But I guess it's who you are married to that makes the choice different.
Sometimes though, it is too much. There comes a times when we have to put, not just our spouses and our families, but OURSELVES first. Remember that most our parents were very ready at one time for us to graduate high school and get married and move out...well, part of the reason for that excitement was that they could have time for themselves again. Now, as they get older, we feel obligated to care for them, as they did us. This usually comes at about the time that our children are getting ready to graduate, move out, go to college, get married...time for us to have time for ourselves again. We do it - and feel guilty for thinking that we wish we didn't have to.
When our grandparents were in this position, or some of us, even our parents, the options we have now just weren't there. Living, growing older and dying at home was just what was done. Now, there are so many ways to get the help needed for our most knowledgeable and experienced family members to grow older gracefully, and their children and caregivers to be at peace with it as well.
From senior communities, assisted living, Skilled Nursing Facilities, Alzheimer Care and Hospice/End of Life Care - it is more than it used be - the choice of staying at home and risking your health, staying with family that can cause of great stress and resentment for everyone or the images of the nursing home that come to your mind of being left somewhere to die, with no one visiting, bed sores and dirty sheets.
It's not that you don't HAVE to do it - you don't have to do it ALONE. There are people to help - both in your home and outside of it.