I am caring for a woman who has progressive Alzheimer’s as well as dementia. I have been here for about a month now & I know it’s important to try and keep them on a daily schedule but at this point I feel like it’s impossible. She has the ability to walk, and stand up but is very apprehensive about the getting up part..but that’s another issue. Right now my biggest issue is getting her showered. We try to do every other day (66yrs old) but yesterday as well as today she flat out refuses & she will fight you every step until (normally) she’s actually in the shower. She will Not wash herself AT ALL, I’ve tried multiple times & it just doesn’t register with her besides I’m sure she’s forgotten what that even means. So I wash her as best as I can. I feel like I can’t do my job like I should because I can’t force her to do anything but the constant pressure of her husband wanting her to stay on a schedule as much as possible (I’m aware that’s the best thing) but what do you do when they simply will not cooperate??? Since I’ve been working for this particular patient my anxiety & stress level are insane! I am literally emotionally/mentally exhausted every single day I leave work to the point that I’m so tired when I get home that I have to fight with everything in me to get anything done in my own home. Needless to say my home is a mess & I have read everything to try and understand what I can do but so far I haven’t been able to figure out how to get her showered or even coax her into using the bathroom @3 times a day bc she will not get up and go on her own. HELP!!!!
So what you have to do is get into a support group and talk with other caregivers about their issues and she how much their information can help you.
Also you need to read up more on the behaviors and effects that the disease has on people and see how it relates to what is happening in your home. For many years I tired to put the behavior in a catalog of what I was use to my mother doing but that does not work. We as caregivers have to remind ourselves that things will be different; ie different talk, different interaction, different foods, different care but we must recognize that they really don't understand their actions, so as the bigger person in God, we MUST understand the process of the disease and move on.
It's hard but you gotta do it! As Nike says: Just do it!
I'm not sure showering every other day is necessary. When my mother grew up she showered once a week. I think the spa-like environment is a good idea. Maybe you know what kind of music she likes? Sometimes singing a silly song or a song from the patient's teen years can put someone in a good mood and make a tricky task more pleasant.
"The pressure of her husband wanting her to stay on schedule..." that statement makes me think he needs more understanding about the disease. Routine seems like a better word. But an every other day required shower that is a struggle for you and her is not good for anyone. A schedule should be a helpful tool to maintain comfort and serenity, not a source of frustration if you cannot "stay on schedule." And with Alzheimer's patient, every day can be different. Every day the patient can present new behaviors, or seem to have improved for no apparent reason. Remaining flexible and not trying to live up to anyone's expectations. I plan things, but sometimes plans don't work out or they change. And that has to be OK. There are so many things we cannot control as caretakers. We just have to be as creative as possible.
The last part of your paragraph sounds like getting up is a big part of daily frustration. Is she using a walker or cane? Is she sitting in a chair or a sofa that is too plush and hard to get out of? If so, there are many alternatives, mechanically rising chairs, hard back chairs. It's possible that if leg muscles are atrophying physical therapy would help. Medicare may pay for in home physical therapy. My husband likes to just sit around a lot all day, but if I find something that he wants to do, schedule it, then let him know that we have to do these other things in order to get ready for the thing he wants to do.... but your patient may be more advanced and not understand. It's a really hard disease to manage.
Do your best and know that your patient's old self would love that you are taking care of her new self.