I have complained about my mom's clingy personality and demands on my time on a daily basis. As some of you know she has mild dementia and lives on her own in her own house across the street, but I am her source of "entertainment' and companionship. Well, tonight things are in perspective for me. For the umpteenth time, my significant other, who I think has very narcissistic abusive (emotionally) tendencies, has up and MOVED OUT taking all his belongings, because I didn't "shut the h*ll up" after a very dumb argument he started. He literally left me again. I am the only adult in my house with a very small family anyhow; an 18 yr old son and 13 yr old daughter. I'm feeling relief that the black cloud has left the building.... but I'm terrified. I have co-dep tendencies and there is no coda place to meet here where I live. I am having a little mild PTSD due to my ex walking out on me and placing blame on me for everything. I feel overwhelmed more than usual. And then I had a new feeling. I was AFRAID of being without my mom! She and the kids are the only people who really love me and she is the only mom I have left! I am losing her in little bits and pieces due to the dementia, but she DOES take up a lot of my time. What is going to happen to me when my mom dies? My kids will probably be starting their own lives at that time and I'll have nobody who cares about me. I'm sorry if this sounds pathetic but tonight I'm having a very hard time and I'm really scared for my future. As much as my mom bugs me, I am going to lose it when she's gone. Any words of wisdom or thoughts?
Your boyfriend was abusive. No qualifications - just plain abusive. Emotional abuse can be worse than physical because there is no way for anyone else to know the extent of your pain. A broken arm can be seen and understood by others. A broken self can not.
Please contact a local domestic violence center. They're easy to find - you found this website and hooked up with many smart, caring people, you can also find help for what you're dealing with with your boyfriend. You'll be surprised how many others share your situation and the services a good DV center can provide for you and your kids. Kids learn from what they see. And if they see toxic relationships they can believe that's how relationships are supposed to be. On the other hand if they see you moving away from this and into a safe, healthy existence they will learn from that and know that they can always improve their situation.
As to medication, please look into a different Rx. There are many which may not have the same backlash effect on you. An Rx that's right for you will not. And think of it as - if you had diabetes you'd take insulin, not because you weren't strong enough to keep your blood sugar level, but because you needed to. Right now you may need to take something to help you keep your emotional health level.
What you're going through now is tough but you can do it.
I would change the locks, do whatever legally you need to totally end the relationship with him (you know he will try to come back to you) and then do the happy dance. You, your kids and your Mom will be much better off without him and it will give you the time to treasure what time you have left with Mom and spend quality time with your kids.
You sound like an amazing person, raising teenagers, taking care of Mom - is so very difficult - hang in - you do not need an abusive man around to give you self worth - the more you stand on your own - that will come.
God bless.
Find a hobby to share with your kids. Invest your time and love in them. They will be growing up and starting their own lives before you know it. Send them out with love and kindness in their hearts. Some family counseling would be a very good thing. God bless you and your sweet family.
There is plenty you can still do together if you put your mind to it and have the funds. Do you have a friend or family member who would be prepared to drive you around? you would have to cover their expenses of course but if the two of you had plans to travel you can probably afford to do it. The tube feeding really should not be a problem, you can do it easily in the car or a hotel room. Hubby can sit with you in the resteraunt while you eat or you can get take out and eat in the motel room or picnic if the weather is nice. How do you think other severely disabled manage when they travel and appear at public events. If you can't leave hubby alone now it is unlikely you will be able to do so in the future. He may not be able to speak but he still has feelings so think again about your plan and imagine how you would feel if the boot was on the other foot. You have not told us the state ofyour marriage before the stroke so further advice is impossible.
Anyone else having this problem of only getting partial posts?
When my father was on tube feeding, the last thing he wanted to do was go to a restaurant and watch other people eat, reminding him of his limitations.
Comments tend to migrate toward our own experiences, and sometimes many of us get "off the beaten track." I do it myself.
I think her actions were innocent and probably subject to the duress she's undergoing.
Monica
Now that I've grown and reclaimed myself, I can honestly say I'd rather be alone than be in a rotten relationship just to have a man. I control my own remote, I travel when I want, buy what I want, eat dinner when I want etc etc. Its truly freeing, not frightening.
What is more frightening is to allow your fears and anxieties to make you fear change.
The other thing, is please don't continue to expose your young daughter to this. She will grow up thinking its ok for a man to treat a woman like that and repeat this. Your heart will break when you see her in a bad relationship because you didn't give her a good role model. Be strong. You can live w/o a man really you can. Let your son see you are a strong woman too. Grow for them as well as yourself.
Get counseling if you have to. And what you described is called crazy making. If you read about abusive relationships, thats one of the signs...horrible behavior then turning around and acting all nice and sweet. It keeps you off your guard and makes you think "well if only he could be that way all the time" or "see I knew he was a good guy underneath" then bam! the rug is pulled out. Abusers see the weakness and they lose respect for their victims thinking "how much will see take before she's had enough." Usually the woman stays no matter what. Be glad he left.
Mostly, why do you want to stay in this relationship? You have enough with your mom on your plate and your teenage daughter. Allow yourself some me-time and personal space and after awhile you will enjoy it. take care.
It's hard to think positive all the time and once in a while we all need to 'break down' and have a good cry. Think of it as cleansing yourself to start new. I hope you get through this and it sounds like you are a strong woman that will. May your new life without the "dog" be wonderful. Remember, you have a bond with your children that will last a lifetime and they might move out and spread their wings, but they always fly home.