Are you sure you want to exit? Your progress will be lost.
Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
✔
I acknowledge and authorize
✔
I consent to the collection of my consumer health data.*
✔
I consent to the sharing of my consumer health data with qualified home care agencies.*
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
Share a few details and we will match you to trusted home care in your area:
Virtually everyone goes to Assisted Living ‘against their wishes’. Their wishes are usually to stay at home with one-on-one care 24 hours a day every day of the week. That’s more than three people being paid a lot of money to help them live their lives.
The good side is that most people do adjust to being in care, and as their condition gets worse the need for it becomes more obvious. The bad side is that even people who are actually content (as a camera will often show), still manage to complain most to their daughters when they visit.
Give yourself time to adjust, as well as time for your mother to adjust.
From OP's post below the POA is her brother. Sounds like the two have an estranged relationship because she refers to him as her son (the mothers) and not her brother.
Yes your mother is going to cry about being in the assisted living. Most do, but if you are encouraging this with mom you are just making things worse. Back off calling mom everyday so she can adjust and not have you fueling the fire so to speak about getting her out of the AL. Brother/Son has the say so in where she lives not you. You need to be helping mom adjust and stop this foolishness because if mom has ALZ or dementia she cannot assign a new POA.
You state she cannot live alone. POA is doing what is best for her because clearly he does not believe that having mom live with you is in moms best interests.
Unless POA is acting illegally in any aspect of his being POA I don't believe there is anything you can do. And him putting his mother in AL against her wishes is not illegal or unethical.
Didn't know this is more "siblings at war" posting. Tho I should have, because when it is this type of post we seldom get any details.
I get so tired of this, honestly. At just the point that the parents need their children united in their care and well being the children behave like infants tearing the now weakened parent between them. It is terribly sad.
Being a "compassionate person" with no caregiving experience, especially with dementia, doesn't necessarily qualify you to determine what's right for your mom. Dementia often reaches a point where managed care is the best option for all concerned. If mom is complaining, that's nothing new for elders in general, but for those with dementia, they often have no idea of their limitations and feel they can function perfectly fine alone when that's the furthest thing from the truth.
If you do not have POA for mom, your rights are pretty much non existent. The best thing to do is defer to the POA and ask why this decision was made. Then visit mom as often as possible.
Your mother could have given you POA. She chose someone else. Obviously you and POA disagree about moms care so i dont blame them for not wanting to give you any information about moms health etc. They probably dont want to be questioned about every thing.
Maybe try to accept mom is not moving back home and stop trying to butt heads with POA and they just might be more forthcoming with information.
HIPPA sucks and can be frustrating when someone is kept in the dark about their loved ones mefucal situation.
Be glad mom gave POA to someone who did the hard thing by getting her into a facility. Maybe that's why mom chose them in the first place.
Is your mother competent and able to care for herself ? Is she safe to live alone on her own ? Or does she have Alzheimer’s/ Dementia and her POA or guardian placed your mother in assisted living ?
If your mother is not competent to make decisions , than she can not recognize if she needs to live in assisted living . Very often elderly with Alzheimer’s/ Dementia do not realize they need help and are not safe to live alone . Assisted living gives 24 hour supervision and help available . An activated POA or guardian can place someone in assisted living.
My mother did not want to go to assisted living either , but she was placed there . She was living alone at home unsafe . I had been going every day but she was no longer safe to be alone ( at night ) . She had dementia and did not realize she needed help or that she was doing unsafe things at home.
Who placed your mother and why ? If your mother has assigned a POA that is NOT you , then you have no rights . You could fight for guardianship in court but it is expensive .
She cannot live alone, she wants to be with family, I could take her , she’s been crying for months since she’s been there. The POA is her son, he does not want her with me , I’m 2 hours away, so he rather have her pay for assisted living, we all know it’s expensive it is, but mostly not her wishes to be there! I don’t get any updates from him, don’t hear from him at all ! is there a hippa at the assisted living I can get on? Or does he have to approve it? Can I get her released from there?
Develop a supportive relationship with the POA. It's a terrible burden to make life decisions for those with dementia. The better your relationship with the POA the more likely they will be inclined to keep you informed. Visit your Mother and enjoy her company but remember, if she has dementia, her brain is dying. It doesn't get better though there will be days where her brain functions better than others.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
The good side is that most people do adjust to being in care, and as their condition gets worse the need for it becomes more obvious. The bad side is that even people who are actually content (as a camera will often show), still manage to complain most to their daughters when they visit.
Give yourself time to adjust, as well as time for your mother to adjust.
Yes your mother is going to cry about being in the assisted living. Most do, but if you are encouraging this with mom you are just making things worse. Back off calling mom everyday so she can adjust and not have you fueling the fire so to speak about getting her out of the AL. Brother/Son has the say so in where she lives not you. You need to be helping mom adjust and stop this foolishness because if mom has ALZ or dementia she cannot assign a new POA.
You state she cannot live alone. POA is doing what is best for her because clearly he does not believe that having mom live with you is in moms best interests.
Unless POA is acting illegally in any aspect of his being POA I don't believe there is anything you can do. And him putting his mother in AL against her wishes is not illegal or unethical.
Tho I should have, because when it is this type of post we seldom get any details.
I get so tired of this, honestly.
At just the point that the parents need their children united in their care and well being the children behave like infants tearing the now weakened parent between them.
It is terribly sad.
If you do not have POA for mom, your rights are pretty much non existent. The best thing to do is defer to the POA and ask why this decision was made. Then visit mom as often as possible.
Good luck to you.
Maybe try to accept mom is not moving back home and stop trying to butt heads with POA and they just might be more forthcoming with information.
HIPPA sucks and can be frustrating when someone is kept in the dark about their loved ones mefucal situation.
Be glad mom gave POA to someone who did the hard thing by getting her into a facility. Maybe that's why mom chose them in the first place.
If your mother is not competent to make decisions , than she can not recognize if she needs to live in assisted living . Very often elderly with Alzheimer’s/ Dementia do not realize they need help and are not safe to live alone . Assisted living gives 24 hour supervision and help available .
An activated POA or guardian can place someone in assisted living.
My mother did not want to go to assisted living either , but she was placed there . She was living alone at home unsafe . I had been going every day but she was no longer safe to be alone ( at night ) . She had dementia and did not realize she needed help or that she was doing unsafe things at home.
Who placed your mother and why ?
If your mother has assigned a POA that is NOT you , then you have no rights . You could fight for guardianship in court but it is expensive .
It's important that we research different places so they go to a quality place. And if it's not a good fit, we can find a better facility somewhere.
The better your relationship with the POA the more likely they will be inclined to keep you informed.
Visit your Mother and enjoy her company but remember, if she has dementia, her brain is dying. It doesn't get better though there will be days where her brain functions better than others.
But you didn't.
Your Mother could have moved to your town, or into your home, back when she could decide for herself.
But she didn't.
Can you describe exactly what diagnosis your Mother has? Or what care needs your Mother has around the clock?
Or do you want to keep focusing on how Mother is sad & crying?
Blaming the POA will just eat you up.
Being realistic about the present may help you.
See All Answers