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You’re overwhelmed and it’s time to bite the bullet and place them both.
If you can’t get 24/7 care, then the facility is the only option.
My mother had a fit and called probate. The judge and HER attorney sided with me as they saw her on oxygen in a wheelchair, didn’t know what day it was.
It was a palace and she ended up tolerating it. (Narcissist won’t admit they like anything you do for them)
Once they’re settled you can turn back into a daughter, and visit when YOU want to.
You did plenty so no guilting yourself.
Two is a lot, for one family member.
Be proud of the care you did give as it was, the purest form of giving.
#SaveYourself
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CJLC1234 Aug 2021
Thank you so much!!!
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Do you have POA? If so for your well being and theirs get them in a facility that will let them stay together. It certainly will be a hard thing to do, but not doing so can be much worse.
It does seem you need help yourself. I'm told everyday that if I don't take care of myself that I will not be able to take care of my husband.
First you help yourself, then others. Why is it your obligation to take care of your parents and not your sister's? You may just have to put your foot down and tell her you refuse to be totally in charge. Let her know which days you plan to check in on them and tell her it is her responsibility the other days.
Wishing you the best ! Don't put off getting help for all of you. God Bless
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CJLC1234 Aug 2021
Thank you for your answer. My sister made her boundaries a long time ago and I just feel that I can't abandon them. Yes, they need to be in LTC for their own safety. I called to make an appointment with an Elder care attorney near them and they told me that my folks have to make the call. I'm going to have my dad do it tomorrow. They totally refuse to move. There will be an accident and then it won't be their choice anymore to live alone. I'd hate for it to come to that!!
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CJLC1234: It is NOT advisable for you to be the operator of a motor vehicle in your condition, e.g. "shaking" behind the wheel could likely cause serious damage to you or someone else. It is IMPERATIVE that you seek respite through any means possible.
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CJLC1234 Aug 2021
Thank you, I am often late because I can't drive like that and just try breathing exercises until I calm down. Once im there, im ok but getting there definitely makes me anxious!! Thank you for your response!!
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laugh sing clap your hands every day after eachj ritchual is done this sounds stu pid but it worked for me.
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You MUST change the situation very soon. Retain an advocate and do it very soon.
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I looked at the senior care facility near me and I am talking to a social worker who is a certified therapist, she specializes in caregivers In my area. I found a lot of information in Senior Blue book, you usually can find at doctor's office, library or on line, put in your zip code and it will pull up on line. Also talk to your Primary Care Dr. They may help you find help for yourself and direct you to a social worker that can help you with your parents. ( You can still do alot of visits online or over the phone)
You are important, and your parents need more help than you your self can do.

One thing even though I continue to spend a lot of time making appts, or other things for my parents now that they are in a home. I am starting to see that they have care, food, a safe place and it will not be perfect but it is good enough, because living in there home then mine was good not perfect.

You are important, your parents have lived a good life and I hope you can find help for yourself and for them.
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CJLC1234 Aug 2021
Thank you so much! I will look up the Senior blue book.
I appreciate your feedback!!!!! Thank you!
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Do you have a family doctor? Contact them and ask for a referral and suggestions for extra assistance. Mom's GP has a staff social worker for that kind of assistance.

Do you have medical insurance? Check to see if they have a resource for therapists, many also have a help line to call for help and advice. Most offer mental health services via a phone call.

Check to see if any local religious or service organizations have resources that can help. Catholic Family Services was a huge help to me and we are not catholic. Did your dad belong to any group that you can reach out to? Masons, Lion's Club, Rotary, etc.

Was your dad in a military? The VA may be able to help.

Its very hard to ask for help and admit that you can’t do it all yourself. My parents were embarrassed for anyone in their small town to know "their business" and let outsiders know they couldn’t cope by themselves.
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I posted earlier but I want to say that I truly admire your attitude for desiring to seek help. So many people have the wrong impression of therapy. They say things like. “What can a therapist actually do for me? They can’t change my circumstances.”

Of course, a therapist can’t change the circumstances. They aren’t miracle workers. They do assist us in learning to know ourselves better. We aren’t always able to see ourselves as others see us.

Many people that are in a state of confusion won’t or can’t admit that they are lost, or have misguided ideas or are simply stuck in a rut! It helps enormously to gain an objective viewpoint on our situation.

We have to be open to considering alternative options as a solution. Change can be frightening to us. Transitional times are always unnerving in the beginning. Taking the first step is always the hardest step to take. Later though, we often look back and wonder why didn’t we take it sooner? Sometimes it takes completely stepping away from the mayhem to see just how irrational it truly is to continue in the same pattern of behavior.

Best wishes to you.
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Until you come to the conclusion that you can't save everyone, there isn't a drug, a therapist or a song to sing that will save you.  My words are from experience.  At some point you have to say no.  At some point you have to say I can't do this.  At some point you have to say let me get you to someone who can help you.  That is the strongest most helpful thing you can do for your parents and half brother.  Help your parents sell the house and move into a LTC facility.  They can no longer manage their lives and neither can you.  The half brother may need to go to a group home if he truly has the mentality of a child.  You are only one person.  Make suggestions and take a step back.

My stress was cut in half once I placed mom.  Still plenty to do and vex about, but not near as much.
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lealonnie1 Aug 2021
Perfectly stated.
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I read once here n will repeat it. DO NOT LET DEMENTED MINDS MAKE THE DECISIONS!
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I think Jamesj gave you THE right answer. Stop trying to save the world & start trying saving yourself here, my friend. Get your parents placed & their house sold to finance their stay in AL.

If you've been to a psychiatrist for 30 years and nothing has changed, what makes you think a different type of talk therapist can fix what's broken or prescribe a pill that will? It's like I tell my mother's doctor; ain't no pill on earth gonna fix 94 years of a negative attitude on her part. And no talk therapist to help you until you decide to change your life by reducing your stress levels.

Wishing you the best of luck changing your life.
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