Hello. new here.
My mom lives with my family. She's 83 and has always been susceptible to falls, for at least the last 20 years. Many ambulance rides and hospitalizations.
The last few months she's been somewhat depressed (grieving) and hasn't wanted to exercise. She just walks around her part of the house (3 rooms) and into the living room and kitchen. If I get her out to the park, she can only use a walker and go about 200' and can barely make it to the bench. But we were trying.
Now she's had two big falls in a week. After getting her up, she could not return to her room. We had to carry her. She's not light. She had no injuries and was shaky afterwards (as I would be!). She can't seem to even get out of her chair or off her bed to get to the toilet. I have the walker in there, but it's almost it's own hazard.
So, my concern is I want to get her into the doctor but not sure I can even get her out into the car, much less into his office. I have calls in for help, but don't feel comfortable risking trying to get her into the car until I have help on hand. Is this a 911 issue? Do you think I could get physical therapy at home until she is able to be transported to regular PT?
She doesn't like being told what to do, but I feel like I have to push harder to keep her up and moving. How do I do that if they refuse? She's going to go downhill fast unless we can keep her active.
Thanks in advance,
C
My mother has falls too. Falling in the elderly is serious. Walkers are more stable than canes. My mom thought she could continue using her cane. Once she became used to the walker she loved it!
It is a vanity thing. My mom wouldn’t even go to the mailbox without lipstick! The woman wore makeup for surgery. That’s another story!
She also thought it would be a burden to me. The burden was the constant anxiety over a fall, not what she considered to be a burden which was, me having to place the walker in the car.
Reading through your post. I respect all faiths and people without any religious beliefs but it is disturbing to see a religion that doesn’t want people to have ‘outside help.’ Not believing in psychology? Is that part of the religious practice too? That isn’t a religion. That is control over a person. That has to be upsetting to you.
Best wishes to you and your mom.
So I reminded her that if she were in the hospital she might be taken for an old lady, and if she wants to be youthful she needs her PT and to use the walker until she gets back to 'normal'.
Sigh.
So, yes. She did have a workup for another fall a month ago. It was bigger and she knocked a hole in the drywall with her head. Did all the medical stuff and the ambulance and the hospital. The word was they were ordering PT. She saw her doctor after and he didn't seem to think it was that urgent.
Yet at home, she sort of plays games. If I ask her to walk with me at the park, she resists to the point of not even wanting to move out of her chair. Thing is, I don't know if it's a control issue or depression but she pulls in the opposite direction from what I ask. Even if it's for her own good. This morning I wanted to do some of the PT exercises she had printed out. She said no, too soon. But I need her to get in the shower as well. It's been a week. So she promised tomorrow I could help her shower. I'm 100% sure she'll make up an excuse.
The grief issue is very complicated. Her religion doesn't like 'outside' help, but provides none of its own. No one from her church visits as she seldom wants them to. She wants her own space and life and choices, but at the risk of me losing my mind. She doesn't 'believe' in psychology.
With my TBI and messed up shoulder, I'm overwhelmed just figuring out what to do (I did take a shower, so yay for that). I have a husband and a young son and I need to take care of all of us.
In one sense, it's easier for me if she sits in bed or a chair all day. But easy for me is not best for her long-term. Once she loses that muscle, it will be a downhill slide. I saw that with my Dad who passed in 2017. Once he lost it (in December) he was dead by April. It was fast. In my efforts to help, I feel like I'm teaching the cat to balance my checkbook: he could probably do better than me, but he doesn't care about things like that, so I'm wasting my breath.
In other notes, I do have the medical disclosure form done. They are somewhat helpful. I'm calling again today.
thanks all!
Last word, be sure to take the time to take great care of your sweet self, FIRST!
If physical therapy is the answer here, you won't be able to force her to cooperate if she's stubborn and doesn't want to stay active. Thats what happened with my mother and now she's wheelchair bound. You can remind your mother that you'll have to consider long term care placement for her if she refuses to do the work and winds up in a wheelchair.
One step at a time though, right? First get her to the ER as she may have broken her hip, who knows? Good luck!
You may be surprised at what an elderly person can do. My mom has Parkinson’s and is in her 90’s. The occupational and physical therapists can get her to do things that she would never do for herself or me. It’s amazing how much therapy helps to regain strength.
I can testify to therapy myself. I was paralyzed after a severe accident. They moved my arm for me at first. It was painful but it works! I got just about all of my range of motion back. I do have some permanent damage. I lost most of my grip strength but I would absolutely go through every bit of pain again to be able to heal as much as I did. If she will cooperate with therapy then go for it!
The transportation issue is a pain. Getting in and out of cars is hard. Call 911 for rides to the hospital. The EMT’s are used to dealing with handling immobile people.
As far as going to the doctor there is a gadget called the car cane that aids with getting in and out of a vehicle. Find someone to help assist you bringing her to the doctor. If she is unable to do this then call her doctor and see what they recommend.
The doctor can then tell you the next steps in preparing for future care.
Do you think she should be placed somewhere? A nursing home? Do you want to ask her doctor about palliative care/hospice?
Sorry that she is suffering and sorry that you are having difficulty as well. Hard for each of you.