I'm a 53 y/o old woman who is already helping my mother navigate the health care system and getting her situated in her new living environment. I am also durable POA over my aging aunt and uncle, and am trying to confirm whether I am over their disabled adult child, my cousin. They live 3 hours away and the time is quickly approaching that I will need to become more involved. I'm getting a bit overwhelmed wrapping my head around managing help for 4 family members, but there is nobody else in my family who can assist with this, as my sister, the only other person who could've helped, passed away 12 years ago. On top of that, my aging father and step mother will likely need help and they're 8 hours across the ocean. My career has been in social work and healthcare, which is why I feel like they're relying on me, but in helping my mother, I had to step away from a typical job and create one with more flexibility. Now that she's somewhat settled and in close proximity to where I live, I would like to pursue employment again, but with the upcoming pressure of me being needed by my family, I'm not sure what to do or what I can do. Are POA's compensated? Should I continue to pursue work and try to complete my duties online, via phone, and electronically? Is that even possible? I want to make sure my family is taken care of, especially in this day and age where the healthcare system is struggling, but I need to find a balance and keep the stress level down as much as possible.
Although I’ve never been in your situation, I’ve been thinking about how best to support you. I have some suggestions that I hope will be practical for your circumstances.
1. Local Support: In home care services. Hire in home caregivers to assist with daily activities, such as bathing, dressing and meal preparation. Adult Day Programs. Enroll your mother in local adult day programs for socialization and respite care. Contact your local Area on Aging (AAA) for resources and support services.
2. Technology and Remote Management:
Telehealth. Utilize telehealth for medical consultations and follow ups. Online tools. Use apps and online tools to manage medications, appointments, and care schedules. Examples include CareZone, Lotsa Helping Hands, and CaringBridge. Video calls. Regular video calls can help maintain a personal connection and monitor their well-being.
3. Hiring Help: Consider hiring professional caregivers or a case manager to oversee daily needs. Hire help for household chores and errands to lighten your load.
4. Legal and Financial Assistance: Consult an elder law attorney to ensure all legal documents are in order and explore available financial assistance programs. Work with a financial planner to budget for caregiving expenses and explore benefits or entitlements.
5. Work Life Balance: Look for part time or flexible work options that allow you to manage your caregiving responsibilities. Check if potential employers offer caregiver support programs or leave policies.
By leveraging local resources, technology and professional help, you can find a balance between your caregiving responsibilities and returning to work.
Take care and let us know how things progress.
I would suggest talking through your life goals/priorities and boundaries with a therapist/life coach or spending some time writing out what’s important to you and where you want to spend your energy.
The situation you’ve described is a recipe for burnout. I agree with other people’s advice on contacting a lawyer regarding your state laws about getting paid if that’s the route you want to go for income and transferring POA responsibilities for your Aunt/Uncle.
You have quite a few different family relationships and I think you need to first consult with an attorney (which I think you are doing) regarding:
(1) how your durable POA can be written in which the health and medical decisions you make on behalf of your loved one also includes the decision to be their direct or indirect caregiver.
(2) how your POA can be used to then put you in the position of possibly receiving compensation from the state your loved one resides for your direct or indirect caregiving support.
Here is an article from AARP about which states compensate caregivers but I'm wondering if you can contact a couple of professional social work organizations or associations and see if one or more of their members can assist you.
https://www.theseniorlist.com/caregiving/caregiver-funding-by-state/
Hope this helps.
I have a nephew who has physical challenges. He, also, has a neurological disorder that may bring on Dementia earlier than later. When this happens, it will mean LTC for him and maybe the State taking over his care. I am 75. I have made sure he received Social Security Disability, a Special Needs Trust, that his mothers pension continued after he was 18 and he received Medicaid. The last 5 years he has had people thru the State. He has a co-ordinator and a aide on Fridays. The aide cleans, takes him to the bank, shopping, lunch and appts. Those appts that can't be made on Friday I take him. I have been able to step back. I am his POA and oversee his money. He has no assets so my POA is easy. At this stage, I am done with Caregiving. I did for Mom too. My DH is the only person I will take care of if needed. I was 60 when I started doing for nephew.
We also were forced to deal with my SFIL before he passed away from Parkinsons in 2019.
I'm an only child, my husband is the only local son to his Mom.
My point of view is that you can only do so much. I would resign PoA for your Aunt and Uncle and advise them to set up legal guardianship for their son before they pass away. Just because you're a (single?) woman who works in the health/social field doesn't give anyone the right to "assume" you into caregiving -- and you're under no obligation to accept it. It's just too much. You won't be able to do it and have a life, whether you are paid or not.
Forget trying to manage your Dad and step-Mom overseas... that isn't going to work no matter what (you can read some posts about that on this forum as well).
Concentrate on your Mom and tell everyone else that they need to find a different solution. Yes, they will be upset for a while but at least you've given them time to figure it out, rather than in a crisis, or you trying to take it on and then burning out completely. Even if they promise to leave you their assets and houses, at the cost of care nowadays the likelihood that those will be depleted paying for their care is highly likely.
I'm just being honest. It's a lot of work even if none of them are very sickly, gets dementia, gets caught in a financial scam and starts to have money woes or are resistant and uncooperative to your help. Just one person doing this will exhaust you.