My sister is POA, I started caring for mom, dad, challenged sister and moms friend. I was getting Money for groceries, some reimbursement for med co-pays and transportation. I did not pay rent or utilities now, Now mom passed I am still caring for dad, sister and moms friend. I manage dads meds and take everyone to appointments, I cook clean and my husband manages repairs and maintenance on the property. I just received a letter from my sister that I will now be responsible for 1/2 the utilities, and the groceries. She will be giving me an allowance of $1,400 month. This is to pay for everyones food and necessities. (not including me and my husband). I am pretty much only getting $564.00 a month roof over my head. There is nothing in writing that the house will be going to me when dad passes. So now I am just a sitting duck that I worry every day that if I do not do what she says she will throw us out and sell the house, Dad will go to a home, my sister a group home, and moms friend a home.
I do not know what to do \, but I do know that this is not fair. I gave up my entire life for 3 years to care for everyone. The last year my mom was bed bound and on home hospice. I checked into the compensation for home caregiving to family and it equated to $25-$30 an hour, which comes out to approximately $420 a day and that is only putting hours from 9:00am to 11pm 7 days a week. With those figures it would be precisely $2,940 per person, per week. And it would even be more because I need to bath my cognitively challenged sister. I think that I am being used, what should I do? Should I confront her and bring in a family law attorney?
To me, and perhaps a different perspective, is that the POA may have consulted with an attorney and it setting necessary parameters for their health care and you are not part of the plan.
It is really up to YOU to negotiate what you WANT, what you NEED for caregiving. This is done with an attorney, and with the POA.
The choice has to be yours to tell the POA what you want, expect, need.
If compensation is not adequate, then you announce to the POA the day you will leave.
Give the POA at least a month to get help in place or do placement for the persons you are in charge of.
I can't really imagine what help you would think a group of strangers on an elder care Forum might be of you, other than to give advice. My own advice would be to no longer do this care. The best time to make demands is really in negotiation in the beginning. It makes it much more difficult when left to later.
So contact the POA. Good luck, and hope you'll update, or let me know if there's something I missed here.
How old is your sister? How much income is your sister getting (is it SSDI? If so, it's not very much).
What about the friend? What's her monthly income? What kind of savings does she have to pay for her care? How old is she?
There's the tension between what the care is worth and what the people are *able* to pay.
You can have a mature discussion with your sister without "confronting"... you may not know all the facts so you'll need to ask and then you need to diplomatically let her know the deal she is getting but that you can't realistically live on it.
In the corporate world when you aren't offered what you think you're worth (or you think you can get more) then you make a counter offer. If they decline the counter offer, you move on.
Your sister has a responsibility to make the money last since those people can live on for many more years requiring ongoing care. Unless all 3 of those people are filthy rich there's no way they can afford $2940 per person per week. If your sister starts paying you that what will happen when (not if) they all run out of money to pay for care? Your Dad will have to sell the house to go into a facility and then eventually apply for Medicaid; your sister will go to a facility on Medicaid and so will the family friend. You and your husband be out no matter what.
So, if you wish to continue working in this arrangement you'll need to negotiate with your sister to get closer to a livable compensation for you that her 3 charges can afford over the long-term. If you can't live with what she eventually offers then you should quit and find other jobs.