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Hubby is right,you should stop cleaning. cooking and doing laundry. Hubby is working are you? How old are you?
Do you have kids that you could stay with for a while so you can find somewhere to live.
I hope the house you all live in does not belong to MIL. Please tell me that's not the case.
There is other family out there . Tell them don't ask for them to take MIL because you are no longer available.
Tell hubby the same thing.
Meals will be served at specific (reasonable ) times, take it or leave it. if she won't come to the table into the fridge it goes. Nothing till the next meal is due. No pound cake to nibble on.
It's not going to be easy but would you rather end up in a nursing home yourself not able to do anything for yourself. Yu can do it. you took the first step coming here so listen to the advice you receive.
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You got out of the hospital after a bleeding ulcer, and he told her he would always take her side? HELLO!! And you can;t have 20 minutes for yourself? I do belive, Scarlett, that slavery was abolished many years ago. Be gone with the wind my dear. Tell hubs that you are going for a "small vacay".. do you have any family or friends will put you up for a few days to get your feet back under you? Your hubs is not acting very adult like either. I hope you have some money of your own.. or use that OT he is making!
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You wrote: "'trust me the thought of walking out has crossed my mind more than she (or he ) knows and if I had a place to go and a way to get there I'd be gone in a heart beat BUT... She can not be on her own she WILL end up in a nursing home, which the FAMILY refuses to do !! "

Do you understand what you wrote? Look at the first part of the sentence, then compare it to that following the "BUT". She's not your responsibility.

Your husband also needs to "man up" and take responsibility - was he always a pushover for his mother? Girl, you're seriously being used and abused.

It's way past the time to look for the magic slipper and take your Cinderella self out of this toxic environment. If you're worried about your marriage, take a good look at it and do an honest assessment.
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we've already tried the Humana nurses, she ran them off. the woman can't even get along with her own shadow !! Family refuses to help .. PERIOD but want ALL THE POWER !! A half hour ago she was nibbling on pound cake so I thought she was hungry and made her dinner, she saw me cooking even asked what I was cooking. I had, earlier got her clothes out of the drier and laid them neatly on her bed and while I was cooking she walked through the kitchen out to the drier with it all wadded up to REWASH it and I said ummm isn't that the clothes I took out earlier and laid on your bed? She said " I don't think so I don't wad them um like this" So I explained AGAIN they were on her bed NOT waded up but laid out FLAT !!! SO............. I ate my supper as fast as I could put HERS on the table and told her it was there and NOW all the sudden she's not hungry. I asked then why were you eating CAKE 5 minutes ago? Rather than stand there and fight with her I went to my room and LOCKED MY DOOR !! She followed me and is STILL beating on it telling me "we don't eat in the room like pigs" which is just down right funny because she gets a pastry and walks ALL OVER THE HOUSE DROPPING IT AS SHE GOES which I GET TO CLEAN like the good MAID !!
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You need help - unfortunately even if she was your own mother her behavior might not be different - fixating on money is very common

Not knowing what your financial situation is perhaps you can locate a senior center in your town - sign her up for dial a ride and let her go have lunch there and make some friends or join an activity - she might be sleeping out of boredom

If such a service is not available then contact social security and see if financial assistance is available for care for her - some extra money could be used to give you a break

If she's otherwise in good health - 80 is not old and this situation could last for years - is your husband an only child? Does he have siblings to take her for awhile ?
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You guys sound like gasoline and fire together. You need to live in different places before someone gets hurt.
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She's gonna kill you. Even if hubby is right and you both aggravate each other, the bottom line is she made it to 80 and she'll make sure you don't. You'll be back in the hospital soon, and that is when you lay it on the line---- if she is still there, you won't be coming back out of self-defense. If you live that long.
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