I am sort of at a loss how to proceed now in my life. Sort of feeling I am driving on a highway with no guardrails.I am a 75-year young male. All of my siblings have passed away. I was the "baby", (last born). Parent of course are in heaven now also. Never got married so as a result do not have children that I can "lean on" for my challenges, especially in health, that awaits me. Say I am hoome and have an emergency. Maybe I can't call 911? And something whereby I am unable to communicate to them who to call so they can know who they are dealing with health wise. What do I do?I am financially secure. I can't and won't, lean on friends because they have their own challenges and are getting up there in years so why would or should I expect them to assist me? I live in a city environment, not a suburb or rural area. I am leery of executors since they may be able to watch over finances (which scares the heck out of me) but beyond this nothing. Can't build a real trust in them. Why would I?So I am at a crossroads on just what to do? Even if I went eventually to an assisted living facility or dear Lord a nursing home, I am sort of "on my own" and things need to continue to be done and to whom do I turn to?Geeez. My plan in life went caput, you think so? So. Sort of at a loss.
I think, if you have the money, a Senior Community would be the best thing for you. You start out with Independent living. You have an apartment of your own. The ability to eat with others in the dining room. Activities, outtings and socialization. If you start needing help with ADLs, you transition to Assisted living and if health worsens you go into Longterm care.
It was suggested in your last post, to see an Elder Lawyer to get your ducks in a row. Your Will, DPOA, Medical proxy, maybe even DNR. Put all your paperwork in a folder that is easy to find. Tell a friend where it can be found.
Your worried about not being able to call 911, then wear an alert watch. Have a friend call you once a day or call when you have not called them. You don't answer they call 911.
Google "daily check-in for seniors" and you'll get an AI summary of apps and services that you can set up for this need. Choose one or more which will give you some peace of mind.
You can also work with a Geriatric Care Manager who will help coordinate the service and assistance you need. Even if you don't think you need such help now, meet with one or more to see what they offer so you can have a plan in place for when you feel like you need to.
You can arrange for a live-in caregiver/companion. You may not need caregivers. My father never needed a caregiver. He had a stroke in his upper 90's, went into a nursing home for a little while, the died. My former FIL has Parkinson's and is in a nursing home now. He has a wife, three surviving children who are local, two brothers living here (a sister and brother back in Poland) nieces and nephews, and grown grandkids. He can't be cared for at home.
Get your legal things in order and start looking at possible live-in companions or assisted living facilities. I worked in a lovely high-end AL. Many residents still had cars and did their own thing. They moved in because they didn't want to be alone anymore and didn't want the full responsibility of every part of daily life on them. This would be worth looking at as well.
Based on your question, it seems that you prefer to avoid people in general. You need to keep a few friends even for those wellness checks.
National Resources for finding Advocates
Medical Advocate locator: NAHAC.com
Find an advocate: https://www.nahac.com/find-an-advocate#!directory/map
Aging Life Care https://www.aginglifecare.org//
Find an advocate https://www.aginglifecare.org/ALCAWEB/What_is_Aging_Life_Care/Find_an_Aging_Life_Care_Expert/ALCAWEB/What_is_Aging_Life_Care/Search/Find_an_Expert.aspx?hkey=6c3ced7c-b5f0-4d27-9d30-37734ab6cf49
Financial advocate: (This can be more specific for distant relatives or for yourself if you have no family. Or to appoint someone if the caregiver passes away first)
https://secure.aadmm.com/
advocate locator: https://secure.aadmm.com/find-a-dmm/
You can wear a smartwatch from which you can call 911. If you fall, it will call you to ask if you're okay. If you're not, the watch calls 911 and or other emergency contacts for you. Alexa in your home can call any number for you - "Alexa, call Sandra," "Alexa call Walgreens." Or "Alexa, set an alarm for 7:00 tomorrow morning." "Alexa, what's the weather report for today?" Alexa can order groceries and do various other chores. Technology is your friend; learn it and know it and use it.
Find an eldercare estate lawyer to bring your estate plans up-to-date. Ask if they will be your fiduciary if you are unable to manage your affairs. Ask if they'll be your estate executor after you pass. I live in a retirement community, and my attorney, whose office is in the community, does these things for those who need this kind of help. If you stick to a well-known professional attorney with good credentials and good word-of-mouth reputation, you'll be okay.
Consider a continuum of care community where you can live independently in your own home on the premises, move up to assisted living when you need it, then memory care or skilled nursing, also on the premises. You'll make friends and learn to trust, plus you'll have a happy retirement with lots to do. You don't have to go this alone. Actually, you're better off than those who have family to take care of them! So often, family doesn't help anyway and only stirs up problems, whereas with careful planning, you can be in charge of you.
Do your homework, set it up, and be grateful that you have the financial means to take care of yourself. Start now, and good luck.
AgingCare has a contact number for the "taking care of you" aspect. The # is in FL but they set you up with an agency in your neighborhood. I just did that for my husband to relieve me but also to have an agency on hand when things get more demanding. So glad I did that.
The AppleWatch is a great idea. It just alerted my healthy friend that she had arrhythmia.
Given it is weighing on your mind, I would take these steps now. Start almost anywhere and then you can take it slowly and steadily as options are revealed.
Good luck. At least you are thinking ahead. :)
Go to your local hospital or nursing home or assisted living and offer to read to and visit with others that also have no one. Go to the food pantry or soup kitchen and volunteer. Have a yard sale! In time you may find someone that you might consider having live in your home as a renter that you can pay to take care of things for you. If you are a giver the world will flock to take!
You can use a professional care manager as your medical proxy. You're right, you probably won't build a real trust in them.
You can complete an advance directive form and give a copy to your primary doctor. Make a list to keep in your wallet, and in your home which includes a brief summary of your health condition, phone number for your doctor, and contact information for the person you choose to have medical or financial POA. Even if you don't have a healthcare POA, at least having a copy of your advanced directives will guide medical providers if you are unable to respond.
I made an emergency packet which I keep near my husband's bed for first responders in case anything happens to me. My husband is unable to communicate, has dementia, and can not get out of bed on his own or use a phone. My emergency packet includes family contacts, doctor name and phone number, a brief description of my husbands condition and limitations, a DNR, and a photocopy of his insurance card. I am his medical proxy, with his son as the back up.
You might consider making a move to a continuum of care community, starting with independent or assisted living. There, you not only find others to socialize with, and planned activities, but someone to check in on you and monitor your condition. If you develop a disease which requires more care, the staff who knows you can move you to a more appropriate level of care within their community.
You sound like you are intelligent and coherent and have managed your life well, so I am guessing you would not be eager to move to a Senior Living Facility and probably less eager to have a roommate! Look into Home Care Companies in your area and interview a couple of them that are well-reviewed to see what services and support they offer. Some have programs for checking in with you on a regular basis prior to your perhaps ever needing in home care assistance.
Some churches and senior support organizations like Shepherd's Center have check-in call programs where someone calls each day (or whatever schedule you set up) to see if you are still alive and doing OK.
Do you have neighbors who would notice if they did not see you going in and out once in a while? It could be a little like the story of the woman who did not show up at the convenience store one day--the people in the store noticed and called for a wellness check. Unless you never leave your house or apartment, it is likely that neighbors are aware of you and would notice if you were missing. Be sure to say hello or wave at neighbors and people you see regularly so they know you are there and would notice if you were not.
Do you have any hobbies or are you involved in any community or volunteer activities where people would also know who you were and if you were still out and about? If you were to go regularly to a Senior Center or YMCA for exercise programs or other activities, people there would notice when you did not show up. There are online seniors groups that discuss and exchange ideas about exactly those issues you are wondering about. Discussion groups are more beneficial than formal presentations because the variety of people will come up with more diverse ideas.
It's good of you to be giving this some thought while you have your wits about you. Many of us are in similar circumstances.
I had an aunt in the UK who moved to such a place. When I saw her she lived in a very nice small townhouse which was connected to the main office by a bell arrangement in the bedroom and the bathroom so she could alert them if she needed help. As it turned out. at 97 she overbalanced one morning reaching for her milk (which was delivered to her door) and lay on a cold brick path for several hours until another resident noticed her. She was taken to hospital and passed them two weeks later. It could have been much worse. Her niece did visit her, do shopping etc. and had POA.
I have children but it is not working out for me to be able to rely on them. I have a partner which may be my best bet as he is younger than me, but he has cancer which could return. So I understand your predicament. Finding a trusted professional is not easy. Volunteer organizations that promote positive changes for seniors may be a good place to contact. I trust my financial advisors and may ask them for references.
I believe it is good that you, at your young age, are thinking about this. I'll be following along, too, since it seems we all need wise advice on the next steps in our journey.
There are lots of smart emergency alert devices which are great if people live alone. And Potentially getting a room mate (maybe a student who could use the discounted living situation ) or paying someone to come help out on a regular basis can help provide that wellness check.
But I know your main concern is how to find someone you trust enough to be your executor, POA, or advocate when needed. And you don't want to blindly give some business that type of control over you. It just takes time for you to find people you trust.