I am a live in caregiver in an Alzheimer's patients and her 50 year old sons home. The son works long hours and nights. The original purpose for living there was so she wasn't alone overnight when he was at work and I don't pay rent. He was to get up with her in the morning and be responsible for her care until he left for work anywhere between 2:30 and 5:30. He has an oustide service that he pays $320.00 a week to come 2 hours at 5:30pm to 7:30pm 5 days a week. to "give me a break" he claims. However the service sends a different person every time leaving me with the job of explaining the care details how to put her to bed, where stuff is etc. About 30% of the time they don't even show up or are late. Most of the Aides just come in my room and say they need help getting her to bed. I am not getting paid any money at all and this service gets $32.00 an hour. I have have informed the son of everything about what's going on with this service and how all work is being done by me. I've asked him can he pay me instead and eliminate this service he said no that I needed the "break". (It's more work than a break.) He pays them 320 a week and I am doing all the work and I get paid nothing and my responsibility just keeps getting more and more and no pay. He feels that I live for free that should be enough. I feel like I am on call 24 hours. I clean the house and take care of his mother. She needs constant attention. I feel like I am being taken advantage of. What should I do?
I also agree, write things down in a folder. Or on a white board. Put it where a new aide will see it. When asked for help, tell the aides you are off duty.
You need to find another position. When u can move, call APS and tell them you are not being paid and are leaving a vulnerable adult. Explaining that the only aides being paid are there a short time.
Do NOT feel guilty.
You ARE being taken advantage of and if you continue doing what you are doing you will continue to be taken advantage of.
Do you have a job outside the home? What income are you living on?
Where do you get funds for the things you need, clothing etc?
Do you want to stay there? Or move on?
Second, start a journal with the time of day, care you provided, and how long it takes. Everything you are doing outside of the "overnight" is completely uncompensated, so document what's happening.
Third, start looking around for a new living situation. Have someplace to go before opening your next round of discussions. Maybe apply to be a care giver with the service so you can be appropriately compensated for being needed.
Fourth, add up that uncompensated time you are actually spending on Mom's care. If son is paying the service $320 for 10 hours a week, then he needs to pay you a similar rate for at least the hours of uncompensated care you are providing.
Fifth, stop providing _any_ care when the son is not working. Let him pick up the care giving load and/or pay the service for any respite hours he gets.
Sixth, tell him he pays you, at least based on the actual care giving effort (which is still a break for him since he pays the service whether they provide care during the scheduled time or not) each week, or you will be moving out in 10-14 days. Make sure you keep your journal in your procession. Allow the son to look at copies only. If he doesn't pay you, then move on!
Are you living in the mother's house? One possible motivation for having the service in on his work days is to document he provided needed care to keep his mother out of LTC so he can acquire the house after her death.