This person is also my boss at another job, dictates me and my husband's income, is overly involved in my kids lives and even when I can go some places calls the people I am with or has her friends contact me. Moving isn’t an option, and this person is very controlling and intelligent.I have considered just asking this person to find some one else, but then there will be other people involved in my person life which is unwanted. My children are begining to have a tough time with the amount of phone calls that I receive and have to do things there such as trash removal, pet care, making bed , groceries and quite a lot of personal errands. Keeping in mind I am getting paid 600.00 a month.
It makes no sense to me that you have a boss who lives next door to you and who dictates your and your husband's income.
My advice to you is to severe all job relationships with her, and to work for someone else. To tell her that her meddling and requirements of your assisting her have become onerous, burdensome and intrusive to both you and to your family, and that you will not be working for her any more in any manner.
Let her know you would like to remain decent neighbors who wave to one another as you leave and return to and from your home.
That you have CHOSEN to have a relationship with a boss who also lives next door to you is poor decision making. The way to under it is to undo it. You have painted yourself into a very sad corner. It is going to be somewhat messy and splattery to get removed from the situation.
I believe it may be Beatty here who has the expression "there will be no solutions to this problem as long as YOU are all the solutions."
1) All go together to a lawyer to work out (and implement) ways to tie up your promised inheritance. It needs to come to YOU, with restrictions on the ability to dispose of it in any other way. Remember that if the ‘boss’ needs Medicaid funding, even restrictions won’t work. And a will isn’t good enough, wills can be changed at any time.
2) You and your husband talk in detail about how long this will go on for, and how much of your life it is worth.
3) You and your children get paid now for care and ‘jobs’.
4) You forget about ‘ways to tell’. Just don’t do what you don’t want to do. That’s the only way to be believed.
5) Expect a blow-up. You have allowed this to be ‘normal’. Stopping it is bound to cause a furious fuss.
6) Think about what alternative options the boss has to replace your free labor when you stop. If it’s another family member, talk to them about it first.
7) Remember that this could go on for a very long time. Any change any time will cause a blow-up. It may well be better to get it over and done with now.
You children have plenty of sense, and I would take their advice. Get a book by Towsend (spelling) and Cloud called: Boundaries.
I think the first step would be to stop this individual from interfering in your life. Your free time is your free time. How does that saying go; tall fences make good neighbors.
If this is a boss, then you should be available for work hours only.
Apparently, this person has money and for some reason feels that they can hold a carrot over your head. Stop relying on family money and get a job separate and apart. If this is not feasible, then drawing up an agreement that will stipulate your working hours to the business. Your free hours should be your own.
As for all of the phone calls and interruptions, let them go to voicemail or better yet, block their number or turn off your phone.
You would probably tell them that family life is so important to your grandchildren, and to get out of this situation NOW. We need to set by example. You wouldnt want to see your children, manipulated and used , so don't let people manipulate and use you.
Best of luck
I think talking to them about the calls will trickle down into your work life. You know you don't have to answer the phone. Make yourself scarce. When your at something with your kids, silence your phone. Out with friends, silence your phone. No one should have this much control over your life. And only you can get yourself out. We can only suggest. I don't think its so much setting boundaries but getting a backbone.
It's difficult to give you advice with such ambiguous details. It sounds like you've painted yourself into a corner. My question is, what measures can you take to get yourself and your children OUT of this corner and into a new life? There are always options, you just have to realize there ARE. $600 a month is very little salary, in reality, and should be quite easy to replace w/o being a personal errand runner w/o privacy and subject to way too many phone calls! That's $150 per week or $30 per day.
Best of luck coming up with an exit plan.