My mother is 85 and has had mental health issues as long as I can remember. They were in control pretty much until 7 years ago when she had a stroke. The stroke was not majorly debilitating but my mom took the opportunity to become "helpless" and she wanted to be waited on and taken care of. She just went to an assisted living facility and has complained of nausea and says she can't go on. I have had her to every kind of doctor and done every kind of test and there is nothing physically wrong. This is starting to affect my health as she calls me all night and all day and tells me she can't go on. When I am away, she calls and begs me to come home and take care of her. Her physical health has not declined and she is on 3 mental health medications. Any advice would be appreciated.
Don't answer all her calls. Let her calls go to voicemail and screen them. Return the ones you want at your leisure. Or block her calls entirely and talk to her only when you want to call her.
She wants you to be at her beck and call 24 hours a day. Not only that but she wants you to care for her like a helpless infant and to also share in her misery.
If your health is starting to suffer because of your mother's miserable neediness and mental illness, then it's time for some tough love. Tell the AL they are the ones getting paid to handle her and make them do their job.
My mother is very much like yours except I'm her caregiver and we live in the same house. She has been mentally ill her entire life and it's always gone untreated. Now she is elderly and has some physical illness too. So life here is either like living in a hospice with a moaning dying person who can't breathe (this is one type of performance my mother gives for attention), or it is like living in a mental hospital. The hysterics, semantics, and lunacy is the other type of attention-seeking performance.
I finally got to the point where I just couldn't take anymore. She was working herself up into hysterics and hyperventilating. I told her that I have her POA and was calling an ambulance to take her to the hospital and that I would be having her admitted for a 72 involuntary psychiatric evaluation.
The hysterics and semantics stopped at once. She was able to get herself under control.
This is how you have to handle it. Don't play your mother's games. Don't share in her misery. Stop attending her attention-seeking performances. Your relationship with her will improve.
You say she's in Assisted Living, so let them assist with her living.
My mother was also chronically nauseous which had no organic reason to it, and ate Zofran like tic-tac. She eventually developed very bad vertigo to go along with the nausea, and car sickness too, so I had to take her to the ENT doctor dozens of times so they could perform the Epley maneuver on her, to which she'd have a super violent reaction every single time. I hired the PT/OTs at her ALF to help her with the vertigo, and they told me they'd never seen such violent reactions to PT/OT in all their years of experience working with patients! How do you spell histrionics?
Anyway, there are some things that lotions, potions, pills and doctors just can't fix. Have you tried Zofran for your mother? I'm sure you have. The last year of my mother's life, she was complaining about nausea constantly and I attributed it to her GERD. I asked her PCP to prescribe 20 mg of Omeprazole 2x a day, which she eventually increased to 40 mg 2x a day. That did the trick. The other GERD meds were doing nothing to address the situation, but I knew from personal experience about omeprazole.
If that doesn't work, you may want to give her a placebo type thing like tic tacs and tell her they've been proven to work wonders for nausea in elders.
Wishing you the best of luck with a difficult situation. I know that once these types of women get an idea in their heads, you can't chop it out of there with an AXE! :(
Maybe this is an anxiety for Mom. Or like said, a Med is causing the nausea. Is this something new since going into the AL.
There are so many people on this forum tired to the bone because they are physically caring for their loved ones. It made me chuckle when I read you are at this same point … from … telephone calls?
Cell phones have all kinds of ways to be be silenced. if you can’t cope and you need to be able to use your cell phone, you can block her calls during business hours and unblock them whenever you wish.
Maybe it is the guilt that is really bothering you, not the ringing. Your mom is safe and receiving care. One day you will never receive another call from her ever again.
Listen to her on the phone when it is convenient for your schedule and you are emotionally capable to do so.
Better yet. Go see her in person and spend time together while you’re still able.
A lot of meds will cause nausea. There are also a lot of meds that can allay the nausea.
Choose your battles. Block the incessant calls and take only the ones you can mentally handle. She sounds a bit of a drama queen, and that is one thing that is really hard to deal with.
I suggest you read Liz Scheier's book Never Simple. It will tell you how much worse it "could be". You will feel lucky. Mental health issues are always complicated, there is little support, and even when there is good support and the right "drug cocktail" is found, it seldom works for long. I know that sounds hopeless, but you have been here a while and know, and you will need to accept that you have to protect yourself. You will have to set limits no matter WHAT the repercussions are.
Best of luck out to you.
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