Hi there, Since I’ve become my mom’s care provider about 4 years ago, I’ve noticed how bad my memory has become. It started about 2 years ago, or so. Anyway, those close to me don’t think it’s a big deal; including my doctor. So where do I go now? Does anyone know what specific words I can use the next time I see the doc? Family & friends tell me it’s normal for this to happen after retirement because a person isn’t required to “be on the ball” like they were when they were working. I retired when I was 56, now I’m 62 and it’s frightening how bad my memory is! Any advice? I’d appreciate it. Thanks!
Don't mean to scare you - but the median age for Alzheimer's disease is now only 62. One should not rule out that you could be developing some type of memory illness yourself.
*Brush your teeth with your opposite hand.
*Turn some pictures in your home upside down.
Doing these things will cause your brain to make some new connections, and you may notice within a week (I did!) some improvement. My MIL also noticed improvement when she began the teeth brushing thing. The hardest part was to remember to do it, lol. I put a post-it on the bathroom mirror. I had read these tips years ago in some article...there were other tips, but these two were the easiest. I hope that this will be all you need, and not a new doctor.
I most assuredly run under a LOT of stress at times. Have been working on letting go of a LOT of things I can't change. I sleep terribly---up 4-6 times a night. I have been on so many meds to help me sleep, and most nights, I just...don't. (PTSD side effects, so at least I have name to put to the problem--but I can't seem to solve it!)
I am also a huge fan of calendars and post it notes. I keep one BIG calendar in the kitchen that is for 'family' but it's really just for me. All appts., general 'need to know' stuff is written down, along with all birthdays I want to remember. This is for DH too, but he puts stuff in his phone--and then forgets it, so I am not real impressed by the phone being my backup.
Once I have written down the events, I can relax. It's like my brain is on the calendar.
Back in the day when all 5 kids lived at home, I was on 3 PTA boards, hubby traveled 3 weeks a month, I had a very stressful church calling--I was a Franklin Covey devotee!! I kept the pages from about 7 years of that period of my life--I look at them and can't believe how much I did in a day/week/month.
Also, I have found my ALEXA to be a huge help. I tell 'her' to remind me of something and when I ask her what I needed to remember, she does. I can plan a shopping list over the course of a few days and it is transferred to my phone, automatically.
I'm glad to know I am not alone.
Depression can happen at any age, and can be clinical and ongoing, or sometimes just episodic and temporary. I'll share my own experience as an example:
Several years ago when I started at my current job, I was only 29 years old. I was in a different city than our main office, and my coworker had only been hired 3 weeks before me. I had a few half days of shadowing others as my "training," but had to figure things out on my own. Four months in, my supervisor left, and I had no supervisor for many months. I was so stressed--I felt like I had no idea what I was doing, I had no training, no one to turn to for help, and one of the higher-ups had taken me to task for a few things. I was getting sick all the time, and I honestly felt like I was losing my mind, and genuinely worried that there was something wrong with my brain. I couldn't concentrate, I couldn't remember things, I got flustered really easily, I was having trouble sleeping. I realized that I was stressed and depressed! Even just discovering that made me feel better, as I knew there wasn't anything "wrong" with me, I was just going through something stressful and hard, and it would get better. I utilized some resources through work to get some help, and things did get better.
I wonder if there is a respite program or caregiver support program where you are? Such a program might have some good help and resources for you, such as some respite care to give you a break, or counseling available to help you with coping. You might contact your local Area Agency on Aging to see if there's anything like that available--if you don't know the AAA, you can use a search tool on eldercare.gov website and search by city/state or ZIP code.
I want to learn a language or a musical instrument to create a reserve of new neural pathways; sort of like insurance against a future with dementia. Anybody got a good dulcimer they want to sell? (o; I would prefer an instrument to learning Spanish! My DNA shows no markers for early or late-onset Alzheimer's; though that doesn't mean I won't "get" it.
I talked to my doctor about it. She said to keep doing what I'm doing, stay socially connected, etc. I just do the best I can and pray a lot.
If you feel that you might have a medical issue get a second opinion. You must take care of yourself. You are important!! You are loved and needed by many other people, not just your Mom. Love yourself and follow through on taking care of you in all aspects of your life. Don't let another person/s rule your life. I know..... easier said than done. Your in my prayers. God bless you, sister.
I would first recommend a thorough blood test to check on vitamins, minerals, hormones, iron, etc.
Once that has been done and nothing is obviously lacking at that foundational level, then I would find a good memory specialist and take a test...you can find a referral to a good one via a well-established memory care facility.
I did this, in that order, when I thought I was also 'coming down' with dementia, while taking care of Mom for 10 years total. After those two steps, I am now relaxed and know that all is well if I include MYSELF in my care giving plan!
Sorry... back to the memory (smile). One thing that has helped me is that I use a Franklin (Franklin Covey) and have for many years. It is an organizer that I carry with me at all times. (I like it better than DayTimer.) Without it I could not keep up with important issues, appointments and anything that I need or want to remember. I have learned to have a specific spot for my car and house keys (keep them on separate ring) and with working to start my own business this organization has helped a great deal. This has helped alleviate a lot of stress for me. I will still forget things but I have don’t sweat the small stuff. My suggestion is to get checked out by your doctor to rule out any physical ailments and then from there work toward getting things organized for you, though I know you have your hands full as a caregiver. If it means using an organizer, using a small notebook or sticky notes trust me it helps. Find a hobby that you enjoy (even if taking a bubble bath, writing, reading etc) and make time for YOU so that you can have even a few minutes to relax and unwind. You time is important. I have learned that in the last 13 years. My art is my sanity saver and what I love to do. This is how I unwind.
Sorry if I sound like I am preaching or up on my soap box. I am not an expert by any means but am going on what I have learned over the last 13 years as a caregiver and the last 37 years since I had my first stroke. I hope it helps as it has helped me. In the meantime hang in there everyone! Thank y'all for being there. It feels so good to know that I am not alone. Have a great day!
Which reminds me of another story. Years ago, (maybe 1997) I met a 105 year old woman who lived in her own apartment independently in a retirement community. I was introduced to her by my then 72 year old friend. As an aside, it was remarkable how my friend who was decades older than I, deferred to the older lady and seemed to become like a young woman in her presence. To continue, the older lady’s daughter of 86 had a doctor’s appointment and brought her mother with her but left her in the waiting room during her visit. After the consultation the doctor started telling her about the medication he was going to prescribe and other instructions, when the daughter said, “Wait! I won’t remember all this. Let me get my mother in the waiting room to help me”. The doctor and nurse were so surprised that they followed her to the waiting room to see her mother!
I can’t remember her name now, but she walked the equivalent of 2 miles around her retirement complex every day, and the day I met her told us wonderful stories of growing up in Chunky, Mississippi. Imagine the changes she saw!
I too approached my Dr while in the depths of my caregiving duties. I know part of my concern was my forgetfulness. My other concern was am I already developing Dementia?!?
My family Dr would not even consider testing me or referring me to someone for testing. He told me I had better get my stress level under control before the top of my head blew off. That my memory at that point was the least of my problems. He had been our family Dr for 30 years so that statement was coming from a Dr as well as a friend.
It’s been 2.5 years since Mom passed. My memory is much, much better, until some heavy duty stress hits...
I agree with stress and memory related issues.
Some days I am so full of worry that I have no space to think about other things.
To help me remember the day of the week, I have little battery calendars situated in various places, so I am never to far the check.
I have small clocks every where and if they have a day/date on them this is a bonus.
I have small packets of post-it notes, with pens, all over the place and write down ANYTHING I think of. Daily I keep check of these (that is why I have the yellow ones - they stand out) lol
I have a small weekly display diary, which I keep open on the week we are in, by placing a small rubber band each side. Every year, I transfer all the birthdays and important dates to the new small diary. I take it and a pen every where. As I get a doctors, hospital appointment etc. It goes in my little diary. when I get home. it gets put onto the wall calendar, hanging in the kitchen.
I try and do quiz things and games etc (on line) daily to try and help me stay as sharp as I can.
When in pain, or stressed this all goes out the window. hahaha So I HAVE to look at all the things I have in place to help me.
Remember to take care of yourself too, or you will not be able to take care of those you need to.
I know this does not solve your problems but if only one of them proves useful, then all is good.
Accept little victories as miracles, they are. Try and smile a little every day (look at the jokes page here if you struggle) I will punch it up for you so you can bookmark it.
Finally you have our support and love and prayers to help you, any time of the day or night, someone is mooching around here. Hugs
That's when I realized that a lot of my DH's problems were from Sleep Deprivation as well as age related. When traditional medicines didn't work, I started researching Herbal Remedies and one of my favorites is Ashwagandha - it's not expensive, a 2 month supply is $20 for Himalayan. Now, even though DH wakes me every hour or two to help him void, I find I can return to sleep and I wake up feeling rested. I tried it for it's calming effect - and it is keeping me a lot calmer. A lot less stressful cussing.
My #2 problem is nutrition. Just as the elderly don't eat properly, neither do some of us caregivers. This is why so many caregivers pass before the patient they are caring for. If you are having trouble with eating right - consider some supplements for protein and greens (veggies). I use both and just incorporate them into my Oatmeal and I add them to my vegetables - it helps with my own brain fog.
Sometimes we tend to forget to take care of the caregiver too.
Calgon, take me away.