Mama is 89 years old with advanced dementia/alzheimers. Just before Christmas, her ankle broke when she was simply getting up from her lift chair to go to the potty. I was right beside her so was able to catch her and break her fall. She did not hit her head and had a very soft landing...on me. The paramedics were called but did not think she had broken anything and so simply helped get her back in her chair. I noticed some bruising around her ankle soon after and so had her transported to the hospital. (Mama is totally confined to her lift chair except for going to the potty, with which I am always there to assist her). Following her surgery, she has become non responsive. Mama seemingly went from being happy, funny and talkative, enjoying our time together..to almost non responsive, went from eating full meals to only ensure, pedialyte and things like apple sauce, yogurt, mashed bananas. Soon after the release from the hospital, she seemed to suddenly just start chaning this way and I became concerned and had her transported back and it was also discovered she has blood clots in that leg, for which she is being treated. While in the ER for over 14 hours, both she and I caught a horrific virus and Mama has been very sick for the past two weeks. She is now on Hospice care, and they are excellent, but she is no longer vibrant and seems sad most of the time. She will have moments of clarity but mostly just sleeps all the time and just does not want to eat...other than the items I mentioned . Has anyone else experienced a sudden and rapid advance like this after a surgery? They did all the tests to check for possible strokes, etc. and no more than what would be considered fairly normal for someone her age we were told...Her vitals are always excellent. Is it the antibiotics making her this way??? The anesthesia?? I am devastated. Caregiving is so hard, and I get very tired, but I am cherishing our moments together...Now, all of a sudden, it seems she has left me, but has not left me. Has anyone else gone through this....Is there something I could do??? I bathe her face with warm cloths, I sing to her, talk to her, put lotion on her, touch her....please someone tell me there is something I can do......
It's very frustrating to me that more is not done to manage the care of elderly people. It is not like this is an unknown phenomenon. As a result, I have always hired 24x7 caregivers to be in the hospital with my parents and monitor them because I know the staff won't. I have my parents in their own home with 24x7 caregivers whose job is to make sure they eat and drink and take their meds and to cook, do laundry and entertain them.
Not eating is part of the dying process. When they stop eating, they don't feel hunger anymore, but if they are dying and they are continuously fed while their organs shut down, it makes them more uncomfortable. Hospice has been through this before and you can ask them for advice. The most important thing to know is that this may be the end.
I like to recommend Dying Well by Ira Byock MD This book has helped me tremendously. Talk with her, sing to her, bring in family to say hello. Do NOT blame yourself as this is not your fault.
It's the disease, not you.
My mother has episodes about once a month where stress or something triggers delusions and hallucinations. After each one of these she declines a bit more.
None of us know what this disease will bring. All we can do is be the best caregivers that we can be and do the best for your loved ones. It's a different experience for each and every one of us.
I am so sorry that your mother is worse after her surgery but it sounds like it was a necessary surgery for her since she had a broken ankle and had to have the blood clots removed.
Indeed, cherish those moments that you have together. My mother has not advanced to that stage just yet so I can't tell you what you can do.
My heart goes out to you. Take care of yourself and help your mother as you have been. I'm sure that during those moments of clarity she feels your love.