My Mom (78) had a severe stroke 2 months ago and does not want me to visit her in the place she is in. Any advice?

Scott, your brother has said nothing about you staying there and paying your way. He has only said that you have to get out. He may well have to sell the apartment and use the money for your mother's care. Your calls may have upset your mother. I am sure all of this is very hard for her. I know you didn't mean to upset your mother.

What Vikki said about depression in true. There is no shame in getting help. There are many on this web site who are being treated for depression. They are in pretty stressful situations and need that kind of meds.

You have mentioned before it is hard to type in the box. If you have Microsoft Word or even note pad you can write your responses using them and then copy and paste into the box.

I hope we are going to read soon that you have followed through with the social worker, admitted you need help and started the process to get it.

Scott, you need to get housing ANY HOUSING in place before you get evicted. Your brother sounds as though he is past exasperated with you. As would most of us in his position. The apartment is very small ( it's your mom's apartment, do you think she felt cramped by your being there?) You didn't notice that the 17 years that passed resulted in your mom's becoming more aged and more frail?

Perhaps you are on the autism spectrum and have difficulty in taking the perspective of others. Or perhaps you are extremely self absorbed for other reasons and don't get what is going on around you. In any event, you need housing now, it should be your first priority.

Aw Scott - I think you should admit to having a mental illness! Again, don't be ashamed. Get help. You need it and help is supposed to be there for you. Most mental illness does not totally go away, even something like depression if it gets a lot better you still have risk of recurrence. Meds actually are intended to correct the underlying chemical imbalances in the brain. If you can get by without them great, but be open to using them again if things are worse. It is not just about being calm but about having perspective and being able to cope without needing as much constant support. And in difficult times like these, it is harder to cope, that's for sure.

Sorry the post was not posted until after the last comment. Did I ever mention that it is only a studio apartment? Very very difficult it was living here, for many years. Very very difficult. I was living in the closet at one point when I first came here. My father had given me an apartment or shouod i say paid for an apartment for me for 3 years. then i had this idea of going to law school. the apartment was in forest hills very nice neighborhoold but a very small apartment. i was accepted into thomas jefferson school of law. this school is a joke but they accepted me. I saw on the internet that someone was accepted without even applying.

It doesn't really matter anymore. I came here. My mother became old and i never realized this.

it doesn't really matter. i left a message at the social worker in the hosptial telling her i don't know what, that my brother has called and about my own situation alittle bit. I don't know why didn't she tell me my mother had not improved. very simp[le, no improvement.

my brother doesn't really want to talk to me. after this he will never speak with me again and i will never see him.

i thought that i could pay him to let me stay here. i was working for over two months making 300 dollars per week.

Ok, he said it is to my mothers' detriment that i stay here. that i have made her condition worse by trying to contact her.

She is paralyzed and 3 months has not helped. he said a lot of things. He said it was to her detriment of my being here and keeping him from selling the apartment. would not tell me when she is leaving trump or where she is going. said her mental condition from this is bad and my calling has made it worse. or trying to call. lots of holiday cooking smells from the other apartments.

hangs up the phone on me had to get back to work. spent 10 minutes. gave him the name of the caseworker. that s a ll he said did not even get the chance to say anything else. called back and left message on his cell phone asking him to call me again.

Hi Scott - Glad you have gotten in a couple of days work.

I have to agree with babalou. Your history and your presentation is as someone with mental illness. As well as what she mentioned, you admit to not caring for yourself since your mother went into hospital. The picture you paint is that of a depressed person - at least. Doctors do not prescribe antidepressants and risperidone lightly. A mentally healthy man of your age has his own place, has a job which supports him, has a circle of friends, and some interests/hobbies. Your life centers around your mother, you lived with her, socialized with her and have no friends other than her and someone with a drug problem. Although faced with the need to help yourself get housing now, you have been somewhat resisting the help offered and don't take the meds prescribed, which could help you through this very difficult time. You don't like that your brother wants you out of the apartment. I wonder if you expect him to support you to stay there. You have had time to find somewhere to live, but you have not.

I also agree with babalou that if you can find housing on your own - go for it.

I am near your mother's age, Scott. I am 77. I have children around your age. They all have education, jobs and housing, friends, spouses and and satisfying lives. I would like to see you in that position. Not all who get an inheritance stop working. $70,000 does not go very far when you have no other means of support.

Paralysis is one of the possible outcomes of a stroke. Your mother needs professional care and your brother will see to that. It is good she has him to care for her.

Some of us may sound rather harsh. You are in harsh circumstances and need to take some big steps to help yourself. If I were you I would agree to being mentally unhealthy, and take the help offered. I hope you do.

That was quick, I just went to this page and then another post popped up. I did work during that time period after I came here. I temped at a number of law firms, doing legal coding, if they even call it that any more. I don't know if such jobs exist. I worked for anumber of months. I had worked. I had gone to graduate school. I even went to law school. I was working. It was a while back, I worked for 3 or 4 temp agencies.

Then my father passed away and I had an inheritance. So I stopped.

OK, I don't want to talk about things that happened 12 or more years ago. I started thinking very strange thoughts I don't know, over 2 years ago I think. I went to the emergency room here at Queens Hospital many times. Do you know where that is? You say you are from ny, but ny is such a big place, that doesnt tell much unless you say what boro your from.

I lose my train of thought so easily. I am very disturbed by what is going on with this apartment and what happened to my mother.

This tiny box you can only see the last 7 or 8 lines doesn't help. Ok, I went to the er at queens hospital many times. I think it was over 15 times.

It doesn't matter anymore. My mother went over with me, she rode on the bus. One time we got out too late and we walked back. It's so sad, we held hands walking back. I start thinking about my mother and get so upset. My mother was so gentle. I often thought she looked like a little girl.

So I started looking at craig's list for jobs. Well I thought I have a drivers license so I looked and saw an ad for this company called cavalry staffing. they contract to the rental car business esp enterprise.

It's not really a job I don't know how to describe it. You have to call every week to "get on the schedule". Everyone there is part time. One accident and your fired. Everyone is black. Everyone. I saw a guy the other day he told me he worked for cavalry and was homeless. he lived in his car. I just tried calling his phone and it didn't work.

look my brother just called. moms paralyzed. i'm going to be put out evicted.

In addition, the fact that you have not worked in 17 years and have been hanging out with only your mother during that time suggests that there is something along the lines of mental illness going on. Most people would be driven mad by not interacting with others, not supporting themselves. So, for those of us on the outside, yes, you present as someone with mental illness.

Mental illnesses can be ameliorated, with therapy and with medication. But you have to take the first step. Did your mother try to get you to go to therapy, to improve your situation, to find your own place? You honor her best at this time by getting yourself situated with housing and work, WITH the help of your caseworker.

If you think that you would be better off without a caseworker Scott, then go find yourself housing and a job on your own. If you need the services of a social services agency, then yes, you ARE lucky to have one.

Scott; You present as someone with mental illness. You write well but your thoughts are somewhat all over the place. I don't know how you present in person. I suspect that your social worker is being honest with you.

Getting into low income housing has a 10 year waiting list. That's what the social worker told me; the NYCHA office is right in the building where the clinic is located.

The only time in my life I was diagnosed was last year in August and last March when I went to Zucker Hillside Hospital in Glen Oaks. I was thinking really weird things. I don't know what else to say. I had been having these problems but I am no longer having them. The psychiatrist took me to court on both occasions to have me take medication. I don't even have the papers from that; the first thing my brother did when my mother went into the hospital was get her keys and he came and took all her papers including the stuff from the hospital nd the court.

I ask the doctor there at the clinic and all she talks about is my having been in the hospital. Two months last year and one month this year. I don't feel that whatever I was thinking is happening right now. I have no other way to describe this.

I had been half thinking that I could have afforded a room somewhere with the 300 dollar a week job I had. I was very upset when I saw that new schedule posted.

Well I went to the application appointment for mental health housing and was turned down. I asked my brother what if I didn't go to that appointment and he said then the sheriff will come and evict me. This should say something about him. he didn't even talk to me after that; he just walked out the door and got on the elevator. I begged him to talk to me and he couldn't even talk for 2 minutes.

This is competely crazy my mother had a stroke and has disabilities. i don't know how else to put it. she can't move half her body is how she put it. I don't even know what is wrong with her; the social worker said you saw her, that was 3 months ago, she said that when I tried to contact her. i haven't seen her, and can't contact her.

Ok this is pretty useless, isn't it. Well meaning people on this forum but you respond to so many other posters with advice as well. the intake person is from tsi and the social worker is from tsi and they want to schedule another appointment so i can say i have mental illness please help me. they don't even think i can make it over there on time by myself, they have me go to the clinic and then the caseworker rides me over in his car. And the social worker said something today, that i was ungracious or i don't know what, that i am so lucky to have a caseworker. i can't even talk on this because of the delay with the slow computer.

i didn't expect the social worker would tell me this today about the intake appointment for the mental health housing application. He doesn't say anything to me, my brother. Doesn't say anything at all. How am I supposed to know that I have mental illness? I was thinking some crazy things when went into the hospital, but all that went away. The nurse practitioner said it doesn't go away. Well, what am I supposed to say to that. She said I need to take the medicine to calm me down. How am I not calm? I never said anything to her. I never said anything to the her or the social worker that would make them think that I have mental illness.

I have spent all this time posting and sending email to the samaritans so i didn't have to think about this. and with my mother i don't know what to do. My brother won't even tell me how she's doing. When is she leaving the rehab, I think in a week, and then I won't know where she's going.

Well, Scott, I assume that what you are applying for is housing for people with mental illness. If you don't have a mental illness, then you don't qualify for THAT housing. You COULD qualify for low income housing perhaps, or supportive housing that fits another category. this is one of the reasons that we've all been encouraging you to get the application process underway, so that you would have options if they denied you.

Do you have a diagnosis? If you've been diagnosed with schizopheria, say, or severe depression, then you would quality as having a mental illness. Most of us who have psychiatric diagnoses of one kind or another don't consider ourselves mentally ill because we are able to get by with the "official" support of the folks who run social services. However, if I found myself unable to support myself because of a sudden change in circumstances like you have, I would have no trouble identifying myself as having those kinds of needs.

Ok I went to the social workers appopintment today. She told me my housing application had been disapproved because I am in denial about my mental illness. All I have to do is say I have a mental illness. I don't know that I do. I hear noises sometimes; I don't know if it is auditory hallucination or tinnitus. My brother doesn't even call me. I gave out his name and information about him on this forum. He won't tell me anything about my mother at all. He won't tell me why she doesn't want to call me.

Isn't that strange, if i don't say i have a mental illness then I am going to be on the street? I went to the clinic there, they have a day program. I saw someone there that was in the hospital when I was there. He has severe problems. I have been closing my eyes to what has been going on, going to work at this job, if you can call it that, and not thinking about anything about the apartment being sold.

I haven't posted in a couple of days; I've been working. The relate-able stories are very moving. The writing in most of the posting is very good too

I can't believe there have been almost 200 posts to this thread. I don't think my mother can move her left arm at all. It's been almost 3 months; she's received many days of therapy. I don't know what they do there, as I have not been in touch with my brother at all. He answered one time I tried calling, when he was over there visiting I suppose. What am I supposed to do? I tried again and the social worker came on last night; I told her I just wanted to wish my mother a happy Hanukah. She told me my mother is still not ready to talk to me, the same thing she has said many times.

I have to leave soon to go to the appt with the social worker. The above two stories about parents with strokes don't seem to describe strokes as bad as my mother's though. She can't move her arm at all, and the last time I heard it wasn't sure she would ever be able to walk. I don't know about her mental faculties. She has to wear an adult diaper.

The most relate-able thing about stroke that I have been able to find on the internet is the survivor's story on the Stroke Help Association's website. I have emailed them, but they have never gotten back to me. A description of someone who can't move their arm and is in a wheelchair; I thought that there would be many people who have had this happen to them. Someone who can't move their whole side, and who hasn't gotten that much better from the therapy.

Thank you for your detailed and moving posts. I am sure that they take a lot of time to compose. And thanks for all who have replied.

My mom had a severe stroke in July 2013. It affected the left side of her brain and the right side of her body . We had moved her to an Independent Living facility about a year before that. Due to increasing anxiety, depression and cognitive decline, she could no longer live alone. We tried bringing in sides, but it only made her more anxious.

mom was in the hospital for about 4 dsys. (Clot busting drug not given, it wasn't that kind of stroke). She then went to acute rehab for two weeks and was then transferred to subacute rehab, we chose a place close to where my brother lives. She needed to be close to the family member who could get there quickest in an emergency. I live in NYC, and as you know, it can be hard to get anywhere quickly here. Besides, my mom had lived in the suburbs for many years, and that was what she was used to.

she stayed in that rehab for about 6 weeks. She developed vascular dementia while she was there. She worked hard at speech therapy, ot and pt. She was able to learn to walk with a walker and speak again. But her ability to reason was quite diminished.

we tried moving her to a nice Assisted Living facility in Connecticut; she fell the first hour she was there and just lay on the floor, not remembering that she had a call pendant she could push. We then moved he to the memory care part of the facility , but she fell there as well, with two aides in the room. She ended up with a broken hip and was in the hospital for several weeks. She's now in a NH, doing okay.

I have not read all of the posts on this thread, but I have seen a couple where you ask if anyone has had experience with a stroke like your mom had. I can share my dad's story, but I don't know if it is anything you haven't already heard.

My dad was a very healthy, normal weight, mentally and physically fit (still golfing) 80-year-old when he had a stroke. He was doing some repair work on a rental house he owned when he "felt funny", drove home, and told my mom that he thought he should go to the ER. They admitted him to the hospital for tests. This happened on a Wednesday afternoon. I stayed in touch with my mom (I lived 100 miles away) for the next three days, and on Saturday, my daughter and I drove to my parents' town. When I walked into my father's hospital room, I immediately recognized that he had had a stroke by the way one side of his face drooped. His regular MD was out of town, and I will never know the sequence of events, but it seemed like no one was in charge of his care, and he, like your mom, did not get the clot busting drug. I was told later that his stroke did not present like the type that benefits from the drug, and it was referred to as a "progressive stroke". Anyway, when his regular doctor returned on Monday, arrangements were made to transfer him to a rehab hospital in my town. By the time he arrived at rehab, he was pretty helpless, not able to sit up or roll over in bed by himself. He was paralyzed on his right side. Fortunately, he was able to speak well enough that we could understand him, he could swallow, and he was mentally intact. He spent about a month at the rehab hospital before Medicare required that he move to a skilled care facility for continued rehab. My dad worked extremely hard at the rehab hospital because he wanted to be able to walk again. The therapists told me that they were used to patients who tried to get out of rehab sessions, but my dad was always asking for more and didn't like the fact that he got less rehab on the weekends.

Dad stayed at the skilled care facility for almost a month, and then was dismissed to go home with some home rehab services. My husband and I took mom and dad back to their home and spent the weekend adding grab bars, extra stair railings and removing the wheels from their kitchen chairs. At his request we "invented" some things similar to what he had used at rehab so that he could work on his own at home. We (and he) called them his toys.

Dad could walk again with a quad cane, and could even go up and down stairs. He walked on his treadmill daily. He was tested and cleared to drive again with assistive devices added to his car, although he only drove a few times. He remained mentally sharp, and while my mom's mental capacity was declining, between the two of them they were able to take care of their home and their finances.

Even though dad worked hard to stay healthy, his strength began to decrease, probably from a combination of the stroke and the fact that he was in his eighties. About three years after the stroke, dad decided that he and mom should sell their house and move to an independent living apartment. Mom had both of her knees replaced during the three years, and had fallen (and of course dad could not help her up), so it was a smart move on his part. I think that he was relieved to no longer be taking care of a house and yard, and liked the idea of having staff available if needed. By the time they moved to the apartment he was using a walker and had a motorized scooter.

A little more than four years after the first stroke, dad suffered a second stroke. He had just returned to his apartment after using the treadmill in the exercise room, sat down in his recliner, and lost consciousness. He was rushed to the hospital where scans showed a major stroke on the formerly good side of his brain. He never woke up and died nine days later under hospice care. He was just a few weeks short of 85.

Scott, I hope that you can see from my story that stroke recovery is hard work, and your mom may also be determined to improve as much as possible. She needs to be able to concentrate on her rehab, and stress from outside is not good for her. Although you miss her terribly at home and are concerned about her health, you could reduce her stress by taking care of yourself and showing her that you are OK. You have received a lot of advice from many knowledgeable posters here and now it seems that the ball is in your court. Get your hearing aids adjusted, get and take the appropriate medications for your mental health and work on your own physical health and fitness. That way you will be better able to help your mom down the road.

Scott learn a lesson from your Mom's illness. You are 50 years old overweight, get no exercise and probably don't eat healthy meals. Has your blood presure been checked recently. Have you had your blood checked? When did someone put a stethoscope on your chest and listen to your heart and lungs? Did you get a flu shot this year? You can go to a pharmacy and check your own blood pressure. there will be a chart there that tells you if it is normal. That would be a start then go and see a Dr for a check up. i expect they did a physical check up while you were in the hospital earlier this year. Are you taking any medications that were prescribed? You are in great danger of ending up like your Mom and have absolutely no control over your life. Think about that.

Scott, as you look for more part time work, please consider bolunteering. There are local churches and synagogues that sponsor shelters that need people to cook, do set up. There are organizations that help with elderly shut ins, they deliver meals and a short visit. Volunteering your time gives you people to talk to, gives you more for your resume and makes you feel good.

Dcott, I don't think you want to know about severe stroke in the abstract. You want to know about your mom's stroke. She's partially paralyzed. She's getting therapy. She can speak. She is using a wheelchair but with the help of a brace and a walker, she may regain some mobility. That's what I've gleaned from your posts. You also said that she was seeing a psychiatrist because she was depressed. Hopefully, she's getting help with that too.

At some point in the future, you may be able to reconnect with her in person, but right now, she's frail. Her health is not good and it sounds like that's been true for a while (she was tired a lot, had high blood pressure and high cholesterol).

Take care of yourself, Scott, and let us know how you're getting on.

The other people in Mom's life are sad and distressed too. It is also sad that they are finding it too hard to include you in care decisions right now. Maybe they will after things are more settled...or maybe not. There is probably no reason to think Mom is not getting good care, and though you wish you could be part of that, right now you can't. That's why people are saying to accept and work on the things you can to be stable on yoru own. If you are ever going to be on the team helping mom again, you have to be stable and able to give support as much as needing support. With the right meds and with listening to what people who care abotu you are trying to tell you, you can get there, however rough the road looks at the moment. Going back to obsessing more about your mom's stroke and your brother's current coldness towards you won't help. Those are the harsh realities that need acceptance on some level right now. Ask yourself too - what if Mom would just tell you, "Son, I love you, but I can't deal with your problems right now, I have to focus on my own problems and recoveringas well as I can, and letting yoru brother make a good plan for my future" would that even be enough? I wuld bet your brother is telling her not to worry about you, because she probably is doing so, and it might very well be that rather than "turning her against you" at this time. In another post, you mention maybe overdoing it with her could have caused the stroke and I want to tell you no, not at all likely, that was due to long-standing vascular disease that until the TIA was not really evident at all. My mom had multiiple strokes, most of them small, but they gradually took her vision and caused aphasia, which imrpoved somewhat. I hated it that she would no longer watch TV, and could not enjoy pictures of the grandkids any more, and found having pictures and cards around form us that she could not visually process to be just unwanted clutter. I am a pediatric rehab doc and we do both inpatient and outpatient rehab for kids who have had strokes - rare, but it does happen. Almost all of us on here,whether their loved one is still with them or has passed on, misses many things about them very, very much. Will be thnking of you this Christmas, and hoping you find a group to be with for a holiday dinner at least, and again praying for your whole family.

This is what I am thinking about, this is what really bothers me. How can I move on and think about other things? How come my mother's neice won't help? Or her mother? She called for me, that was nice. And why the last time I spoke with my mother did she sound so different? My brother is turning her against me. Isn't it usual for people to know why when someone is angry at them, what they did, or what it is about? She is my mother. I spent so much time with her! We went everywhere every day. At one point she would wake up and the first thing she would say is what do you want to do today, Scott? How can you not understand? She is terribly hurt. Not just poor in health, she is hurt. She had a cva, a vascular accident. Stroke causes injury. It leaves people paralyzed. Sometimes they can't even talk. It is horrible, really horrible. I don't want to be alone. I am all alone now. My mother is in a place a couple miles away and I can't even talk to her. Or tell her I love her. She was so gentle and quiet. I didn't want to wear my hearing aids in the house and could barely hear her. And my brother just walks away from me without saying a word! He just walks away. All I have is a message on an answering machine from the first night she was in the hospital. My brother is antagonistic and hostile. Someone did a search on his name and profession and saw things about him. I can't even talk to him.

Scott, since it is hard for you to review all the posts, let me give you a brief summary. Everyone who has responded has said they are very sorry about your mother's stroke. Everyone has said they know this is very, very hard on you. They don't say it over and over in every post, but we've all expressed our sympathy for your loss. We truly believe how very sad and depressed you are.

We all understand that you want to see and talk to your mother. Most of us have commented on that. Some of us have suggested reasons, though obviously all we know about the situation is what you tell us.

Most of us have moved on from that topic. Yes, of course you want to talk to your mother. But under the current circumstances YOU CANNOT DO THAT. No matter how much you want to, no matter how many times you repeat it, no matter you you phone or talk to. YOU CANNOT TALK TO YOUR MOTHER AT THIS TIME. Maybe some time in the future that will be possible but it is not now. So responses are not addressing that. Doesn't mean we don't care how badly you want to or how depressed you feel about it. We can't do anything about that, and neither can you.

So most of the recent posts are concentrating on encouraging you to get treatment for your depression. That requires seeing a doctor, with an appointment, and then probably seeing a therapist.

And we are encouraging you to keep working if you can. You say your care team is talking about going on disability. Great. Move forward with that. It will be your safety net in times you are too upset to work. I have a brother on disability for mental illness and he still works short jobs when he is doing well. If your advisers are telling you to go on disability please begin the process of applying.

We are, above all, encouraging you to solve your housing problem. You are going to HAVE to leave that apartment. Arrange some other place to live.

We are on your side. But most of us who have been responding since the beginning are done talking about your mom's stroke and the fact that she refuses to talk to you. Very, very sad. But there is nothing we can do about it or help you to do about it. We've moved on to things you could actually do something about.

I just looked at something someone posted about my mother being in the hospital a day before her stroke. I think she had a transient ischemic attack, or mini stroke; that's one where you start to show some symptoms of stroke, but the symptoms go away by themselves. They are not permanent. It's so sad, I can remember being in the back of the ambulance with my mother and having her squeezing my hands and look at me in the face, the emts were asking me if her face had changed. It was so sad, and now she has these permanent things, and they aren't going away, so sad, it really is. Her arm is paralyzed. She cannot move her left arm or hand! And she is left handed. The social worker there wouldn't tell me much, I called her twice this week. I can't even talk to her. She won't tell me anything; first she told me my mother would probably be discharged within 2 weeks, and then she said she didn't say that, that I have to find out from my brother. I phoned him and left a message and he never got back to me.

I am now looking at a message from babalou, who has posted quite a number of them. You can't just talk to a caseworker about this, and a social worker about that, and a doctor about this. They don't talk about working, they talk about going on disability. That's what they are about. And I told the doctor or nurse practitioner that I don't want to take antipsychotic medication . There is the delay again. She can't even tell me why I need it. To calm me down? I am going crazy because my brother won't let me see my mother. He is condescending and patronizing
. Someone also wrote that I have a history. No, a few times I was sent to the psych er, and two hospitalizations and that is it. That's in my whole life.

I appreciate all comments.

So many posts. My computer is so old and slow, that its hard for me to go back and read them all. Several posters no longer input here. It would take a really long time to scan through all 186 of them, it's so slow. Even when I type into this little box sometimes there is a slowdown. It's impossible for me to go back to a specific post. I remember posting the telephone number at Trump Pavilion, for the second floor see, there it is, even when I type there is often a delay.

Certain frequent posters have dropped off. I wish they would post again. There are so many posts I have to just go to the "last" button right away; it takes too long. No one says anything anymore about Trump Pavilion or my mother; everything is focused on other things.

I keep asking if anyone has had any direct experience with a stroke victim like my mother. Can't move her arm and leg. 78 years old.

I can't even watch television. She used to watch so much. She watched many good historical programs and cnn constantly. Is anyone from New York? One person mentioned familiarity with the place she is in and I can't even flip through the posts to find the exact post. There its happening again. I can't even type without that delay.

Scott, you are very articulate and have given a good description of what major depressive disorder feels like. It is treatable. You have to seek treatment and then follow the treatment plan, both regarding medicines and counseling.

You will have a much easier time finding a new place to live and a way to support yourself if your depression is under control.

Please seek that kind of help, too.

Everything in this apartment is the same as when she left 3 months ago. How could she say that to me, I can't talk to you, I have nothing to say to you?

She can barely hold the phone. Everything has to be done with her right hand and she is left handed. Her left arm is without movement. She can barely move her left leg. I posted her name on the medhelp website.

Other frequent posters have commented on the fact that I was hospitalized. I haven't seen their posts in a while. I don't know what to say about that. I really don't want to talk about it. And someone responded in an email to a poster, that they had done an internet search on his name and found out, that my brother is a former therapist at Bellevue Hospital. He was, but how can he do this, keeping me from seeing my mother for 3 months? In a week she'll be moved to another location and I won't even know where it is.

You haven't been posting all along the time this topic has been active. Several people have and have commented in personal messages on this heartbreaking "Scott" thread. How I don't listen to what people are saying. Does anyone listen to what I am saying? I have to talk to my mother. I haven't seen her in 3 months. It's really making me upset. All anyone tells me is to go talk to a social worker. The social worker keeps telling me to have a beautiful day, every time I see her. Doesn't she understand anything? Why does she keep saying that? All she does is fill out another appointment card and tell me to have a beautiful day. I am sitting in this apartment filled with things that remind me of my mother. Walking around here, past all the places I went with her. I don't even care about these things. I just want to see her, to talk to her.

And yes I have a hearing problem. I wear hearing aids but they are not that good and have to be adjusted. The stroke guy at the er didn't know I had it, and he had to ask questions and tried to talk to me and I had a hard time understanding him. Now I know that he was asking about the stroke and the onset of the symptoms as he was only allowed to give the medicine within 3 hours. I was going crazy in there, my mother was really ill and we were surrounded by people not even remotely as ill as my mother was. It was a very frustrating situation. Ultimately it wasn't given. Maybe it should or could have been. I should have told him about the hearing problem.

Scott, I am sorry to hear how immobilized you are with depression today. Do you have any medication for your depression?

I am glad to hear that you went to work. You must be exhausted after working for that many hours. It is healthy for you to get out to work and do other things. Staying shut in all of the time is not.

People who take several medications, have high cholesterol and high blood pressure are not healthy. Strokes are common in people with high cholesterol and high blood pressure. The meds are meant to reduce the possibility of strokes, but they don't always prevent strokes from taking place as in your mother's case.

Yes, this is a very crazy time in your life and your mother will likely move to a nursing home, but all you can do anything about right now is you as jeannegibbs said above. Where will you live? How will you support yourself financially? This is not easy, but it can be done.

Keep posting and letting us know how you are doing.

Thank you for all the replies. I've been very depressed, I don't know how else to talk about it. All morning just lying there feeling like I've been unable to move.

4 very different replies. A lot of things said. I worked yesterday for 15 hours. I haven't done anything for 3 months. Haven't gone out other than to JFK or the supermarket. Nothing at all. Havent turned on the tv or radio. Or bought a newspaper.

Yes there is a lot of info on stroke on the internet but not so much on stroke that results in a person not being able to take care of themselves. Some people say that it's hard to talk about stroke because every stroke is different. It's kind of frustrating; type in stroke and you'll hear wonderful stories of stroke recoveries. Or hear things about strokes that only cause minor problems.

I have gone to the career center at the school, though not in a long time. The counselor there, or whatever she is called, rewrote my resume. And I never had a response. I had sent it out hundreds of times. I stopped looking for a long time.

I can say some other things maybe later. I just laid there for hours. I typed in a response but then I saw that there were some other comments. It doesn't really matter.

My mother didn't have poor health or anything major before this. She took several medications. I didn't think her health was poor. She had high cholesterol and blood pressure.

There are a lot of things about stroke on the internet its just that none of it seems to address my mother's situation. There are stroke boards too, and I've posted on medhelp two months ago. And emailed the volunteer at national stroke association, very kind and helpful people.

I also tried calling my aunt last night. Big mistake, she let the phone ring and then called my cousin, who is even more upset now.

Someone privately emailed me about the hospitalizations I have had. I really don't want to talk about that. They only hospitalize you if you are a danger to yourself or to others. I don't know what to say about those things. My mother agreed to let me come back and live with her both times. And there was never any problem after that, right up until the stroke. Now I haven't seen her in 3 months. This is very very crazy. Soon she will be moved somewhere else, probably to a nursing home, and then I won't even have her telephone number.

Hey Scott, I agree with the other posters that what you need to focus on now is finding a place to live, and a way to support yourself financially. That is what must come first now.

I also understand how very, very difficult this will be. If I understand what you have written, your father put you through school, bailed you out of trouble, took care of your medical needs. At age 30 you started living with your mother. At about age 35 or so your father died and left you $70,000, which you lived on for several years. That you were able to make that money last so long tells me you weren't extravagant and spending wildly. You probably weren't paying rent to live with your mother, either. So basically you have been supported by your parents all of your life. You may have worked here and there, but you never developed a career. You've never (apparently -- at least in the last 17 years) been responsible for your own support.

So starting at the point in your life, and with a very sad and traumatic loss in your life, is going to be very, very hard.

Frankly, I think the only way it is going to be possible is if you accept help. For your own sake, you'll have to be more open about taking medications and going to the clinic you don't love, and talking to the social worker and case worker and anyone else who comes into your life to help. You need help. You no longer have your parents to fall back on. Things have changed.

The medical and counseling approaches we have now are many many times better than we had a hundred years ago. But they are far from perfect. To benefit from them you may have to put up with aspects of treatment you don't like. You may just have to accept that, at least until you are strong enough to function on your own.

Tell us how you are doing. We care!

(BTW, are you hard of hearing?)

Hi Scoot, good morning! What kind of work did you do after college? Have you thought about contacting your University Job Placement office? Mine offered free help with resumes, mentoring and services that you would find helpful during this transition. Lots of folks go through transitions, Scott. Mom's who go back into the workforce after childcare leave, people displaced after divorces and other life altering events. People who deal with those ups and downs successfully are flexible in their approach and look forward. That's what you need to do now.

Hi Scott - wondering how you are this morning. What is in the past, is in the past and can't be changed .

What matters is that you look after yourself now. I hope you are making progress regarding housing for yourself, and possibly finding another part time job.

Your mother's heath is failing and I know that is hard to face and that you are having a hard time coming to grips with having no control over when or even if you will see her again.

I think that trying the Prozac again would help you to make these big adjustments and to focus on what you need to do.

Keep moving towards the goal of setting yourself up to live your life independently. ((((((hugs))))) and hope you have a decent day.

Scott, do you mean to say that you did not work for 12 years, but instead while living with your mother and lived off of your inheritance from your dad? Why didn't you get a job, invest some of the money and save the rest for a rainy day? If you had, you would have far more money than you do today with a better job history. What kind of work did you do after you finished college and before you went to live with your mother? What had you planned to do with a degree in political science?