I am very upset. is in a place called Trump Pavilion in Jamaica, Queens. The stroke was severe and I heard from my brother, an attorney who has power of attorney and proxy status that she has had very little improvement over the course of her therapy. She can't move her leg, let alone walk or stand, and her arm is totally paralyzed. I am going crazy not seeing her or speaking with her.
I am sure that your brother is arranging for your mother to be well cared for in a setting where she will not be alone, and where there will be trained staff to look after her. I hope that is some comfort to you too.
Meanwhile you have had contact with people who can help you find housing. That is great. Have you told the social worker that you have no one to talk to? There may be a group that you can join to help you feel less alone.
Being upset probably has affected your job performance, which has in turn affected how many days work you have been given. Could you find another part time job to help fill your time and bring in more money? It may help you get through the days. Some times it is one day at a time, even one hour at a time when you are going through something traumatic. Try to get back into a more normal routine - maybe just one thing like shopping or watching a TV program or whatever works for you. I don't know what your life was like before you moved in with your mother, but your life from now on will be as different as the change that happened when you moved in. Things happen and our lives change sooner or later, and we all cope with that, one way or another.
Praying for you, Scott, and asking for blessings in your life.
She is almost finished there. But if I remember the social worker, she was saying her arm may never get better. That's what they said in the acute hospital too. Maybe she will be able to walk with great difficulty with a cane, and that's about it. Very very sad for my mother, very sad. I am so sad for her.
I just had the doorman in here. He was very drunk or something. I was supposed to go ride over there with him at 5 pm. he told me he already went to see her at 1. I would have just waiting downstairs. I so desperately want to see her before she leaves that place. Michael won't even tell me where it is, I haven't called him or spoken with him in a month.
I remember her playfully bumping something against my head. I was so keyed up all the time and depressed. That was the last thing like that I remember her doing. You would not believe the books she read and took out from the library. She never went to college but she was so smart.
I see there's a new post. So I'll end this.
I am sorry she can't move her arm and is in a wheelchair. If I had not been here she would have lay there for days.
She's my mother and I love her.
My mother is almost certainly angry with me though I can't be sure, and she is just going along with what my brother wants. And my cousin has said she will call me back and she never does. Last night she did, but it was too late and I had already annoyed my aunt.
The worst thing happening of all things and they are all bad is being cut down on the work schedule at work. I don't know how to deal with this, calling everyday to see if I can come in. If I had performed better maybe I would have been one of those who wasn't cut.
Do I take it that you would be happier if your aunt and your remaining cousin did not block your calls? In that case, cut back radically on the number of times you call them. How do you think it feels to be called by the same person asking the same unanswerable questions time after time after time in one day? You will get on their nerves; and I repeat that you absolutely must not do this to an 82 year old lady. It is bang out of order. So if you don't want them to block your calls, stop calling them. If they say they will call you, they will. Leave them in peace.
You do, however, need someone to talk to. That person should have professional expertise, the skills to guide your thinking, and that means a counsellor or therapist. Speak to your caseworker or to the clinic and ask for one.
I cannot possibly know, but I suspect that you are wrong to think that your mother is angry with you. I think it is much more likely that she is trying to be firm, both because she needs to be and because she has been persuaded, rightly in my view, that it is in YOUR best interests if she separates from you.
I don't agree, either, that it is at all probable that you will "never see your mother again." Not now you won't, certainly, and not soon. But if you sort yourself out, and she has a chance to recover, who knows what else may change? No one is setting out to be cruel to you. Everyone you have described is putting your mother first, but also focusing on your future, and the need for you to be able to cope independently. I know it's hard, but it's reality. It takes some getting used to.
Going to see the housing people was a good move, but perhaps it's taken you out of your comfort zone a little? Try not to crawl back inside. Tell us about what happened at your interview.
Being so upset affected me really bad. I went in so late every day, I would have to post here before and after going to work. Remember I used to say this is making me mentally ill? Being so upset all the time. I haven't read a newspaper or tv show or listened to a radio or had any exercise or hardly gone out at all other than to work and the supermarket for 3 months. I used to go in 2 hours late and leave early, I was so upset all the time. I had to rush home and start making calls, and I had the cell phone at work and just kept on trying to call all day.
This is why I originally gave the number at the hospital and asked if anyone here would call for me. It made me feel even a little bit better to talk to the nurse, to listen to her tell me mom was at therapy or in the dining area.
I can call myself. I called on thanksgiving and she said hello, happy thanksgiving. Now she was very upset. I think that she is very depressed. She had already been taking medication for depression. Now she is handicapped. It is truly terrible. She was very active and now this.
2 cousins gave their numbers in the hospital when I first went in, and the other one has my phone number blocked. If my aunt and other cousin do that then I will never have even a chance of seeing my mother again. I don't know what else to do. Really don't. She has a hard time answering the telephone still. I don't know what's going on with her really. My aunt said she would call next week, it's just that I wanted her to call sooner.
I thought everyone heree would know that medicare only covers 100 days in a skilled nursing facility. And not at all what they call a custodial nursing home. That is only covered by medicaid. I think my aunt said at one point that my brother was going to move her to a nursing home outside of nyc close to where he lives.
my brother just took that court order and gave it to the hospital. They all think that it is a stay away" order, and it is not. I don't have to stay away from her. I don't know what to do, not at all. My mother is disabled from stroke, she won't see or even talk to me. She said i can't talk to you. All they know is what my brother told them, that I am supposed to stay away from her.
Scott do not call your 82 year old aunt and give the poor old lady a hard time. Do not do this. It is mean, it is unreasonable, your cousin has every right to be furious about it and you must stop doing it. Do not do things that you KNOW will not help and you KNOW are not right.
I can't even talk about this. It's because of my brother, that's a big part of it. My cousin got ver upset over the phone last night. I kept calling my aunt who is 82 asking her to call my mother for me. I asked my cousin too and she said she wouldn't.
In your place, I would concentrate on moving forward with housing and employment. Once you are stable and in a better place mentally and emotionally , you can request that your brother let you see mom.
I expect your mother understands that you have to move on, and that she has to discourage you from calling so that you focus instead on becoming independent. It's necessary. She needs all her energy to work on her rehab, and she's not going to be able to look after you any more. So the best and fairest thing for her to do is withdraw from you, not because she's happy about it but because there isn't any alternative. It's all she can do to help you right now.
So what happened when you went with your caseworker to the housing interview? What did they have to offer you? It would be good to have a place of your own where you won't have to worry about being evicted. Did you get to look round any of the housing? I'd be interested to hear about it.
There was a dead mouse in here last night, really smelled bad, I didn't find it until today. Also I damaged another car at that job. Really not so great in the manager's eyes.
What am I going to do? I won't even know where she is. I don't know where she's going. The social worker said they are making a brace for her leg and her arm and hand are not functioning. It's horrible, really horrible. She has to call me for Hannukah, she always wished me a happy hanukah and christmas.
well i called just now and someone put her on and she said i can't talk to you and i have nothing to say to you and told them to hang up. she will only be there for a few more days. i tried calling back and the nurse hung up on me when i said can i speak to my mother. she sounded much better but i never heard her sound like that to me she sounded like another person.
YOUR MOTHER IS NOT GOING BACK TO THE APARTMENT.
That is why your brother is telling you that you have to make other arrangements. Believe him. You really will be forced to leave, whether you want to or not.
This is sad. It is scary. It is probably too much for you to handle on your own, while you are also dealing with your grief over your mother. You deserve help.
Call your case worker. Get the ball rolling on finding another place to live.
Eons ago I called my mom from a drug store to buy her an alarm clock and she sounded drunk. She never drank alcohol. Eventually, it set the ball rolling as far as me dealing with my sister as best as possible. Listen to Pam, she has wisdom and can help.
I understand that you care deeply about your mother, but the most caring thing you can do right now is learn how to take care of yourself. Be well!
You NEED a place to live. Your mother is not going back to live in her apartment. It has to be sold to pay for her care. You must move out. The sheriff will really evict you.
You NEED a place to live.
Call the case worker who can help you with this.
One thing at a time. The most important thing that you can do something about right now is find housing.