Mother has pretty severe dementia. It gets continually worse, and she cannot carry on a conversation. She says the same few things everyday - subjects she thinks she can talk about. But she just repeats what you say and then repeats it 10 or 12 times more. I get to the point I have to ignore her. Honestly I want to scream. She pouts a lot and gets very defensive and nasty if you try to tell her things that have to be said, like leaving the door open, answering the door to strangers, etc. How do I handle this?
He is still in his house at 87. I fear those days will be gone soon.
Your Mom's anger is directed at you because you are the only person she has to vent at. This is all part of dementia but you may want to speak to her doctor and see if there is any medication that can make her easier to handle. I am at the point that if they cannot give my Mom anything, then they are going to have to give it to me because as you said it is crazy behavior and no matter what you do, it will never be right.
Just be assured you are not alone, so many of us are all in the same exact position as you are.
God Bless Us All as we try to care for our parents and remain sane in the process!
And the hugs do help, the oldsters do get touch deprived.
Martha Beck advised: FREE YOURSELF FROM DYSFUNCTIONAL PEOPLE BY REFUSING TO TRY TO CONTROL THEM.
Wow. Yes. Powerful.
@merrtell
We have to remember that our mom's with dementia have a brain disease. They are trying to communicate to connect with us, even if it means repeating and mimicking what is said. I imagine the disease can be very lonely and frustrating for them... especially when they are trying to communicate a need and use the wrong words or lack the words... Pray to God for patience, wisdom and compassion.. I speak blessings over my Mom and pray over her regularly. Every time I do, she gets a big happy smile and looks so peaceful.
One day I realized that she thrives on conflict. I, on the other hand, suffer if I allow myself to be pulled into it. So then I contemplated the possibility that when this happens, she thrives at my expense. Perhaps it's an exaggeration to say she sucks the life out of me, but that's what it feels like.
So I'm working much harder now to just let her be. I may have quoted this before, but it's worth repeating. In a column in the Oprah magazine, Martha Beck advised: FREE YOURSELF FROM DYSFUNCTIONAL PEOPLE BY REFUSING TO TRY TO CONTROL THEM. This concept blew my mind. Now I see that by drawing me into situations where I would try and control her, my mother has been controlling me.
So, my experience tells me you are handling the situation with your mother perfectly. Her practice of repeating everything you say certainly justifies saying as little as possible. Maybe she can't help it, but from a functional standpoint, you are being abused. Benign detachment seems the best remedy for now. Perhaps you have alternatives for her care as she gets worse.
Meanwhile, you might want to consider having key-only locks installed on the outside doors. Mom not only opened doors to strangers, but unlocked them during the night. The day she gathered up some of her prized possessions and went out to stand at the end of the driveway, waiting for someone to pick her up, I got on the phone to the locksmith. It's a bother to wear a key around my neck at all times, but worth it for the peace of mind.
Blessings to you in this opportunity for personal growth. (At least that's how I look at it on the good days.)