We kive in Texas since his jib has always been in San Antonio he has a hotel there but moms house is in Dallas. She can't barely speak so he has control over I always knew she wanted to be in her home but the husband dosen't want that since it conviniences him to be by his job. And being self fish my cousin and him are caring for her but they also only feed her junk food like cheetos sandwiches tostadas etc.. also her anxiety meds he spits them in half because he dosen't want her sleeping all the time but mom is in pain with her aniexty episodes. He really dosen't communicate with me at all we want her home just change of city. How can i do this it kills me to see mom in a hotel that is not her home please help..
It seems you would like to picture her comfortable in her own home. That to you, that is love, support, comfort. This is your wish.
What your Mother wants is more important than your wish. What your Mother needs is dependant on what the people closely helping her can do.
It's a nice wish but let it go. It is only causing you upset.
Your Mother & her husband are driving here, not backseat drivers.
Your mother is on hospice , she’s the one dying not you . I’m sorry but you are the one being selfish . She is where her husband is . You are assuming your mother would choose to not live where her husband is .
If you want to see your mother more , you go visit her . She’s too sick to travel .
Let her eat what she wants . I’m assuming that her husband is not giving you anymore information because you are not the one doing the caregiving , yet you claim to know what is going on there and are giving your 2 cents.
Her husband wanting his wife near him for her final days , overrides what you want .
He is married to your mother.
He is now her next of kin. He may or may not be the POA but they are currently living together whatever those circumstances are from what little I can understand of your posting.
I would suggest that you call APS if you feel that this is an abusive and inadequate situation. To be honest he may be allowing her now to eat what she wants, and why NOT, indeed. If I can't have my Trader Joe's Original Potato chips in HOSPICE--then WHEN?
We cannot judge what is happening here, but you can supply your proof to APS. Hopefully if they open a case and agree with you that the hubby is neglectful given the circumstances, you will be able to give proof you can provide care as temporary guardian? That's a big job. Be certain it is one that you want to take on.
As long as your mom is being taken care of and hospice is doing there job, I would leave well enough alone.
And if you have major concerns I would talk to the hospice agency that your mom is under and ask them what their thoughts are on this situation as they are required to report any issues/concerns that they witness.
And instead of trying to fight this situation that you're not pleased with, why don't you instead just go spend as much quality time as you can with your mom regardless of where she's at, as she's dying and I'm sure would love to spend time with you before it's too late.
If moms husband holds POA, there's nothing you can do about bringing her home to your city.
If mom can barely speak, you don't know that she wants to be in her home, in bed, instead of actually living what's left of her life in the way she's living it. It's very difficult to care for a person in this condition, so assume her husband and cousin love her very much since they are not abandoning her. Why not go visit her instead of insisting she come home?
Good luck to you.