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She refuses to share alarm codes with the aide and insists on windows and doors locked with the alarm on which makes it uncomfortable for the aide.
I was there today and saw this first hand.
Also its summer and she insists on putting the heat on. Wants it 74 even though outside is 74. Goes back to refusing to let windows stay open.

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First my mother refused to open any windows. She’d lock the front door behind her while she watered the plant on her porch. I should mention that we’re rural, isolated and I have 150+lb dogs that fuss if anyone approaches. She put slips of paper in the windows because the papers would fall if they’d been opened. They never fell so she became convinced thieves were walking through the glass. She gathered cardboard from our recycling bin and covered all the glass. Nothing was ever stolen and meds barely helped. She is now in care. Surprisingly she never asks about the stuff in her her house - only that someone is keeping up with the bills as she “travels”. (thinks her small care home is a B&B)

While we waited to get her in care (waiting out the pandemic) we had ductless AC installed, only WE kept the remote controls. Oddly, she didn’t mention that the temp was lower and dressed the same.
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Reply to Anabanana
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firsttimer1, your Mom reminded me of my Mom. One would walk into my parents house and it was like walking into a hot-flash. Mom wouldn't let Dad open any windows on nice days. And the heat was set at 80 something because Mom was feeling chilled. Believe me, that house needed some fresh air.


Yes, Mom had on long pants, knee socks/shoes, thermo undershirt, blouse, and sweater, plus a scarf around her neck. And there was Dad, in his summer shorts and sandals, and nothing else. He was a Saint putting up with Mom :) And, no, Mom didn't have dementia, it is just some elders feel so very cold.
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Reply to freqflyer
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Well with your mom having some kind of dementia, I hope that someone if not you has access to her alarm codes, as it probably won't be long that she forgets them herself.
Sadly paranoia/fear is very common with folks suffering with dementia, so this shouldn't surprise you or her aides, and often can be treated with the proper medications.
Your mom is no longer safe to live on her own and now either requires full-time help, or placement in the appropriate facility.
Best wishes in getting her care figured out, so she and everyone else will be safe.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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firsttimer1 Sep 1, 2024
my brother knows the codes. getting them to share the codes with the aides is a work in progress.
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Your mother isn't rational. That's what dementia is. I think it sounds as though placement, where no one takes terribly seriously this stuff, may be the answer.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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firsttimer1 Sep 1, 2024
don't want to do placement. I've seen some of these homes. its a solution for later , not now. currently i have two aides with her.
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This is pretty normal for aging people. Also I can't understand for the life of me why so many aging people don't like fresh air. My dad painted all my parents window shut. And it doesn't bother mom in the least.

If I say something like mom you need more fresh air going through the house, she will leave a door a sliver open, with the screen door shut with only glass in it. So I gave that up a long time ago

I am able on humid days, so get her to understand that the ACs have to be on low , just to keep out the humidity. That really helps .

I've read another reason is that the part of the brain that controls the heat , is dieing. I'm not sure but it sounds very likely to be true
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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Is she on meds for anxiety/agitation? If not, try to get this in place. I'm not sure it fixes paranoia (my Mom's going through the same thing).

Seniors often feel cold for a variety of reasons, some of which have to do with body fat reserves, some because they're not moving around generating heat, and some due to health/medical issues.

My MIL had the heat set to 80º in the summer...ugh!!
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Reply to Geaton777
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