She is still living alone but we can't even talk anymore as she's fixated. She believes there are people living in her ceiling, (one story residence with no attic) she believes that they are making drugs and pumping them in. She believes they follow her around, come into her apartment when she's asleep and move things around. She has a dog and won't leave him because she believes they mess with him when she's not there. This is all she talks about, refuses to be diagnosed by a doctor or listen to what a doctor says. She isn't on any medication, still lives alone, drives, pays her bills, etc but she says she smells the drugs all the time and it makes her dizzy and loopy. This has been going on for 10 years now. She'll be 84 this June. Because of her fixation and this is all she wants to talk about, we rarely see each other. I pop in and take her prepared food I make extra of, but it's become impossible to take her out to lunch, shopping or have her over. On top of everything else, she has NO filters and talks VERY filthy to my 24 and 25 year old adult children. When I try to step in she just goes further and further.... I'm at my wits end and I'm the only one she has here. My brother and sister live in Ca while we're in CO. Any suggestions? The manager in the HUD unit mom lives in says she can stay there until she hurts herself or others; I'm just waiting for the phone call that says shes completely lost it. She has always refused to have a 'plan' for when she can't live there anymore. I envision some agency stepping in and having her committed. Scares me to think about it, but I know it's coming.
I can't really talk to my mom anymore either. I have no more patience after all the paranoia and drama. And she mainly just talks about herself and whatever she's paranoid about, and we all know how irritating it is to deal with someone who only talks about themselves.
I've tried talking to the courts and to my mom's doctor and get nowhere, mainly because my mom puts up a good show in front of authorities.
How is your mom in front of the doctor or anyone else in a position of authority, for that matter? Does she behave or does it quickly become obvious she has dementia (or something related)?
You could try talking to her doctor and seeing if he or she will back your concerns, or try an area agency on aging, as they might have help.
I really feel for you, though. My mom has been on a downward spiral for about 12 years now and it's so frustrating.
Have you ever tried "evicting" the people who live in her ceiling? Have a friend who likes acting come out in official-looking workman clothes, carrying a clipboard and asking her some questions. Then he leans a ladder against the building (or goes into the elevator if it is a tall building), investigates, reports that he has found the way they are getting in, made sure there is no one there, and sealed up to opening.
Far-fetched? Sure. But she is not going to accept the truth and you cannot reason with someone who has lost her ability to reason. Try to get into her world and to comfort her. Might not work -- probably won't work for long -- but what have you got to lose?
This kind of going-along-and-fixing-the-problem has been known to work with some delusions persons with dementia have.