My Mom is spending all her money not thinking of nursing home care, medication & funeral arrangements. Advice?

Pursue Guardianship. She will get mad and slam the door on the court liaison, but that will only work in your favor.

Call an Elder Law attorney. If she is able to live independently it might be hard to get guardianship. Does she have friends that could help? In our area there is a geriatric psychiatric unit. See if there is one near her. I would try to get her involuntary commitmented (302) into a geriatric psych ward for a mental health, & cognitive evaluation and to address the alcoholism. The involuntary commitment will help to build the case for guardianship. She sounds lonely and may be grieving the loss of her step daughter. Aging is hard and if she has been drinking for years she could have consequences. Your description sound like her cognitive abilities are intact and that her mental health is the issue here. The fact that you say she is dressed to the nines and lives independently gives me the impression that if you pursue guardianship without a 302 you will not have the documentation to obtain guardianship. If you are able to find a geriatric psych unit in your area call them for advice. Another route you might take is finding a compassionate female financial planner to meet with her about money management as you age. Take her to the financial planners office she will behave better. I hope this helps. I will pray for her and you.

When I was going back over your post, something you described sounded very familiar. An elderly friend of mine used to do something you described. He also used to call me when he was having a crisis. It seems like when I got there, it already passed. This seems to happen a lot until it got to the point where I just couldn't handle it anymore. This was when I had to start telling him that I just can't help because there was nothing within my power that I could do. He apparently came to the point of admitting that I couldn't do anything but he wanted me there. Of course there were times I just couldn't be there, and one person can only do so much. I agree with the person who said it sounds like you're loved one is probably just lonely, because so was mine. I'm discovering how hindsight is really a very good teacher because I'm now starting to wonder if he had too much time on his hands. For some people, being alone too much can actually spell trouble to some degree or another. I eventually heard someone say that my friend may have been becoming demented in early stages. All of the professionals who knew him best who knew his situation even far better than I did. I may have been the one closest to him but I sure didn't know everything. Right toward the end of his time in the free world, he started opening up about some secrets he was hiding, One of them being that he was hiding money while enjoying government benefits and the other was his admitted abuse of albuterol. He saw the doctor that day and he told me that his doctor said that it was determined he was abusing albuterol because he was overusing it, he told me these two things out of his own mouth. In fact, he had a bad habit of frequenting the ER. I should also mention that all of his medicine was locked up in a lockbox. I didn't think anything of the albuterol until he told me, only then did I noticed that his stash was suddenly missing. Right then I assumed that it was locked up. I take the same medicine and I know that you can make your heart race even when used properly. What I think was probably going on is that he was turning to drugs as his only other companion when no one else could be there. This may also be why he was frequenting the ER instead of taking his prescribed medication as directed. Most of the time he went for breathing issues which could easily be solved at home as this was eventually discovered. Only after this was discovered was it also discovered that he was secretly overusing the albuterol. This may have something to do with why he claimed to have had a heart attack one day. Again, albuterol can and does make your heart race. You may want to be very watchful and make sure your loved one is not abusing prescribed medication. Prolonged loneliness can do some very nasty stuff people, even to the point where some of them may start abusing prescribed medication. Another thing I also noticed how my elderly friend would pull stuff on unsuspecting people who really didn't know him or his situation. He would pick people who really didn't know much if anything. This is how he chose his victims. Definitely be very watchful of behavioral patterns, especially when he's around people that you all don't know because remember, they may not know what's really going on if your loved one has a tendency to pull stuff on the unsuspecting. If this happens to be the case, you may want to warn them privately so that they know what to watch for and how to handle it.

How old is she? If she is 85 or so, that's one thing. If she is 55, that's another. Or 45! It really is her money, and while you are concerned that there will not be enough money in the future, maybe she is thinking of the inheritance as "found money" that she would not have had, anyway. Sometimes, because 'we' think one way, that doesn't mean that everyone thinks the same way.

I am so sorry for you. One of my husbands died from alcoholism. He was very good at taking care of himself. The illness he died from was fluid or something in his belly. They had to drain him daily near the end. At least it felt like it was daily. He was forced to stop drinking as he died. I had left him years ago as I could no longer live with him in the condition he chose. I had three children. My leaving was not an easy one. Within a year of my divorce, I married the most wonderful man. When it came time for my previous husband to pass, My new husband told me to go and take care of him in his last days. We both knew that alcoholism was a disease. I was blessed to have a husband who understood the disease. He too was an alcoholic, but had quit about a year before we married. He NEVER had a drink the entire time we were together. He died about 7 years ago, but not from alcohol. I worry about your mom being left with no one when everyone has tried everything. The alcoholic has one thing on his/her mind and that is where they get the next drink. It is a horrible disease and hard to quit. I will keep you in my prayers.

Playitagain--sorry to hear about your situation. So that you know I know what I am talking about..I am a recovering alcoholic-18 years now. Of course your Mom switched doctors. That's what we do when confronted with our disease. Trust me, you cannot expect her to magically stop drinking, start listening to her doctor(s), and start listening to you and your siblings. Doesn't happen that way.
As for the money--it's like has been stated. Depends on her age. My 95-year old Aunt is currently living with me. In 2006, after her husband had died and selling her home, had in the neighborhood of $250,000. No children. Just a cousin in the another city, myself and my parents (dad was her brother). She spent the money as if it were going to burn a whole in her pocket. She bought some nice presents but she wasted most of it on JUNK...CRAP...from catalogs. Anytime we said anything to her about keeping some money aside she flat out said it was none of our damn business. It was her money. By 2012, my Dad had passed, she had moved in with my Mom based on an agreement that she would keep money aside to take care of herself cause my Mom could not. She had begun having medical problems, had virtually no money left. So when my Mom passed, she moved to my cousins in Mobile. That was when we learned about money and Medicaid and nursing homes, etc.
Because she had wasted all that money, she could not qualify for Medicaid. But I don't think she cared if someone had to care for her because she was determined to stay "home" and not go to a facility. When my cousin's wife passed, the task of caring for my Aunt has shifted to me. I love her but anytime her spending from the past comes up she just says it doesn't matter cause she wants to stay home. If your Mom is an alcoholic, there is nothing you can do about her spending. If your Mom isn't an alcoholic, there is nothing you can do about her spending. And my guess is she's expecting that you and your siblings will take care of her so why save the money. Take the legal route and save yourself some future difficulties and heart ache. Good luck.

Cak, I have been lucky when it comes to children. Both girls are on their own and paying their own bills. Even if they were living with me I'd just ask that they pay their own bills. They can have a bed here but they must support themselves. All ucan do is be there for her.

I don't think you can reason with an alcoholic. Tell her that spending the money will cause problems when she needs Medicaid and she can't rely on you to take care of her if she continues with the alchohol. If fairly young, you may not have to worry about old age, the alchohol will take her before that. I agree with not answering her calls. Tell her you will no longer tolerate her abuse. Tell her to call an ambulance that...she willbe paying for.

Please get your Mother to a Reformers Unanimous meeting held at churches internationally. We are not a 12-step program. We are a faith-based program. Your mother has a disease. It is called addiction. She will drink away all of her funds if she doesn't seek help. She CAN get well. Go to Reform U.com or tell me where you live and I can find an RU meeting near you.

Someone here mentioned managing bills. What I may suggest is setting up online bill pay for the person who has spending trouble and knowing what the limits are. What you do is start by putting the money into a bank account. What you may also want to do is to restrict her access to that account even if you have to move her money to a new account. This is where are you can set up online bill pay for all of her absolutely necessary expenses such as her housing and anything else that must be paid. You can also set up a trust for any leftover money, but give her a small allowance. Another option would be to become a representative payee. Even as a representative payee, you can still set up online bill pay for her bills to come out automatically each month, but set it up from your and I'm glad no one have access to that bank account in a manner that allows them to pull the money. I've heard nightmares about people who give access to their bank accounts, only for them to be ripped off. This is why you want to set up online bill pay for her from your end. That way, you know that the most important bills are definitely getting paid. If you've ever used online bill pay, it's a blessing if it's set up right. After setting up online bill pay for her necessary expenses, you can get a new ATM card and cancel her current one if she has one. Most bank accounts these days have one of those cards you can use at the checkout. The most important thing now is to see if you could speak with the bank manager on restricting your moms access to the account and explain why just like you did here. They should understand if your mom is losing competence to handle her own affairs. There may be some things that she may need to sign in order to give you that power of attorney. Just have to speak with your bank to see what they require. If required, you may very well have to go for guardianship to make everything easier.