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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
Acknowledgment of Disclosures and Authorization
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
Remember, this assessment is not a substitute for professional advice.
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caregiver 101, indeed! excellent advice on all relationships and emotional intelligence, period. Sometimes to assuage their own guilt about whatever human or inhuman crimes they've committed as parents (or imagined they've committed as parents) a wide variety of commentary will spill out from parent to the caregiving offspring who is all to often a handy receptacle for guilt ridden commentary. An heir apparent, if you will. Personally, I don't believe in obligation. And "trip" is a multi-metaphorical word to add to guilt when one considers the many ways one takes a trip. That said, do not engage in her trip. Remind yourself of your own reasons for taking care of her. Some of it may well indeed be payback for the care and sacrifice she made on your behalf. Not all motherhood is the personal choice of the mother, sadly. Nor is mothering the easiest job. Most mothers have not achieved their own self actualization before they are shaping the worlds of their offspring. Tricky business. Use this time to self actualize for you and for her. I've learned a lot about my mom in her old age and vulnerability and in her toughness, in her sweetness and her bitterness. I'm sure it's all there for your mom too. Disengage from the guilt. Besides, women are notorious for giving the silent treatment in order to get a message across. Very often it works quite will in reciprocation.
IF YOU COULD GO THROUGH WHAT I AM GOING THROUGH YOU WOULD JUST SMILE AND SAY YEP I LOVE YOU MOM BUT I HAVE A LIFE. I HAVE GIVEN AND GIVEN TO MY FAMILY, MOM, DISABLED BROTHER AND 2 MONTHS AGO, GUESS WHAT, I WAS TURNED IN TO ADULT PROTECTIVE FOR ABUSING MY MOTHER. NOT PHYSICALLY MENTALLY. SHE HAS SHORT TERM MEMORY AND HAD PHONE CALLS TO BE AT DOCTORS OFFICE. SHE COULD NOT REMEMBER WHERE SHE WAS TO BE GOING. AND SHE HAD MICE IN HER HOUSE CAUSE SHE LEAVES FOOD OUT. I TOOK PHONE OUT OF HER ROOM AND SAID MOM IF YOU CAN REMEMBER WHO CALLED OR WHERE TO GO I WILL TAKE THE PHONE CALLS. AND I AM FACING CHARGES. SO IF I COULD DO IT OVER. I WOULD HIRE HELP, SPEND HER MONEY AND LET SOMEONE ELSE TAKE THE GUILT. ENJOY LIFE IT IS SHORT.
Do not respond when she says things menat to hurt or obligate you. Ignore those remarks completely. Take the conversation in a different direction, as if she's never made the hurtful remarks. Alternatively, get up and leave pleasantly, with or without giving her a reason for your departure. She will know what you're doing. Sort of like training a pet: do not reward negative or attention-getting behaviors by showing anger, dismay, sadness, etc.
Thats how both my parents were as long as I did what they told me and paid them every week everything was okay but the minute I wanted a life of my own life turned to hell. My mother in law went so far to say to a person she didn't have to ride a bus for them to go shopping thats why she had me sorry lady you didn't give birth to me but I did take care of her when she neded it. Just do what you know you are capable of and still have a life and even then there will be uprises. and when you can't handle it anymore than they have to go to the nursing home, I know there are some who are not so good but if you pop in as I did all during the week on no specific time or day they will get better treatment.
Why do mom's do this sort of thing to their children? It's as if the main reason they even have babies is to have someone to tell you owe men and look after me when I get old or some go so far as to make the child live their entire lives at home which is a miserable way to exist. I've heard of mothers who have told their children, why do you want to or need to get married for we can meet all your needs.
If you are still at her home, get out and get a life. If she's in your home, it sounds like she needs to get out and get a life. How are her demands impacting the rest of your life?
Wow! Carmen, are you being too hard on yourself? Your Mom is so fortunate that you love and care for her. We're all on the learning curve, here. Grace. Peace. You have more friends and people who can relate than you know. But sometimes we can be our own worst enemy, so we're told. Bless you. Aren't we all just doing the best we can? Have any arrived at perfection, save one?!
Caregiver 101, I couldn't have said it better. I agree with you. It's hard to re-program yourself and sometimes that is what we have to do. I am trying, despite my guilt and other feelings, to act and not adrgue or try to convince otherwise. I love my mother and I care for her in my home. I wouldn't have it any other way but I have had to change and give me the same kind of care I give everyone else. My friend said that if I treated my friends the way I treat myself I wouldn't have any.
I love that song to I use it on MY space. You are to honor your mother that is all God says as for owing her anything no you do not did she ever feel like she owed you something just because she brought you into this world? Probably not! Don't let her push your buttons but don't shut down either. or you will end up like some of our deadbeat siblings. Listen to this
He who does nothing accomplishes everything
Do not react when you do you plug into her energy just think and than respon if you have to sometimes I just don't say anything I just think much.\, Good luck to you
Your mom is free to think whatever she wants, right? Just like we are. The choice comes in what you think about that. How you act or react to what she (or anyone else) thinks? You do what feels best and right for you. And let her be free to think and say and feel what she wants. The less you fight her (or anyone), the less you argue, the less you allow someone to make you feel a certain way you don't want to feel, the less they will. We can never change other people by telling them how we wish they were or how we want them to be. We can only change how they treat us by how we are - how we act - the words, actions, expressions, and tones we use. When she says that, don't respond. Tell her you have to check on something on the stove or use the bathroom or whatever - leave that space for a moment so you don't get involved in having to hear those hurtful words. She'll get the hint eventually. If she wants you near her, with her, she'll know not to say those things that upset you. I love that song "live like you were dying" because it is a splash of ocean water on a sun-warmed face - waking us up to the reality that all we all have is THIS moment. In a split second THINGS - EVERYTHING - ANYTHING can change. Let your mom say and do and be. You are responsible for yourself and if it is in your heart to love her and accept her and care for her unconditionally, then that is what you will do. You can only change yourself and how you choose to act, react, think, be.
Your mom is not your obligation! You were not asked to be brought into this world. That was her choice. You take care of her because you are a good person. What about all the other family members who have "skipped town"? Wow, I hate these guilt trips. Don't listen! And I don't want to hear about your duty to care for your parents from others who don't understand the history of some of our families. You know what a great person you are and so do those of us who have shared our stories. You have my full support and I am glad to call you a friend!!!!! Linda
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Sometimes to assuage their own guilt about whatever human or inhuman crimes they've committed as parents (or imagined they've committed as parents) a wide variety of commentary will spill out from parent to the caregiving offspring who is all to often a handy receptacle for guilt ridden commentary. An heir apparent, if you will.
Personally, I don't believe in obligation. And "trip" is a multi-metaphorical word to add to guilt when one considers the many ways one takes a trip. That said, do not engage in her trip. Remind yourself of your own reasons for taking care of her. Some of it may well indeed be payback for the care and sacrifice she made on your behalf. Not all motherhood is the personal choice of the mother, sadly. Nor is mothering the easiest job. Most mothers have not achieved their own self actualization before they are shaping the worlds of their offspring. Tricky business.
Use this time to self actualize for you and for her.
I've learned a lot about my mom in her old age and vulnerability and in her toughness, in her sweetness and her bitterness.
I'm sure it's all there for your mom too.
Disengage from the guilt. Besides, women are notorious for giving the silent treatment in order to get a message across. Very often it works quite will in reciprocation.
Ignore those remarks completely. Take the conversation in a different direction, as if she's never made the hurtful remarks.
Alternatively, get up and leave pleasantly, with or without giving
her a reason for your departure. She will know what you're doing.
Sort of like training a pet: do not reward negative or attention-getting behaviors by showing anger, dismay, sadness, etc.
If you are still at her home, get out and get a life. If she's in your home, it sounds like she needs to get out and get a life. How are her demands impacting the rest of your life?
Hang in there Lost Soul.
He who does nothing accomplishes everything
Do not react when you do you plug into her energy just think and than respon if you have to sometimes I just don't say anything I just think much.\, Good luck to you
Linda