My 96 year old mother was recently diagnosed with dementia. She lives with my sister and I visit every week. Mom knows who I am when I visit but after a few hours she starts talking to me as if I am her cousin. When I try to tell her I am her daughter, she doesn't believe me and says that I am trying to confuse her. If I go along with her and let her believe I am her cousin, she talks to me about things that happened when they were young and asks me questions that I can't answer. Then she becomes agitated that I don't remember these events from her past.
I think a lot of times now she forgets she had children. She always knows my Dad but often forgets my youngest brother entirely, unless he's there. For instance we had a recent family pic. taken. She will go through it and name everyone but wonder who he is?. Often doesn't recognize his little kid photos either though she always knows we 2 oldest girls and usually the middle brother. She always knows him but saw him a lot more than the younger bro as he lived locally. Sometimes I think she thinks he is her brother and they do share the name. Strangely she always knows my husband. But my brothers wife can become that woman. And she isn't happy she is there with him to the point that she has to leave. Other times she is perfectly happy with her there.
I read once that we should think of the memory loss as at first we forget what I did today, then the week, months, years, and finally the decades. My Mom remembers most the times from the 40's back. Sometimes she will remember 50's and sometimes something more recent but it isn't often. she is 92.
My 91 year old dad finds it a bit hard to deal with the fact she has forgotten the rest of us so much of the time. He has trouble going with the flow.
I find it helpful to take something to share with my Mom. Some photos a simple picture book of something she likes. Thinks like that. IT helps bring up the words and gives us something to talk about. She still enjoys going for a ride and out to lunch.
It is great that you have a few hours every visit where Mother seems to be in the present and knows who you are. Cherish those hours and make the most of them. Reminisce about events from your childhood and younger years. Talk about what is going on in your life now. Relate the present to the past. For example, tell her about all the garden produce you canned last week and then talk about the first time you canned with her.
It is heartbreaking that your own mother doesn't know who you are. But you still know who she is, and your compassionate visits are a way of keeping the connection.
He's also called me my sister's name, and other people...It takes patience, but either calmly agree with them, or gently re-direct the conversation. It's hard sometimes I know. I'm the only caregiver for my dad, and when I'm so exhauseted and worn out, I have to admit I've yelled out once that I was his daughter, and he was my dad, and I couldn't marry him. I thought that would help, but then he says "why not?" HA!
When she does become agitated because you don't know answers ask yourself if she really knows the answer. You could always make something up, or ask her what she remembers about it. My guess is she does not remember enough detail that she would be able to recall.