I’m in a pickle - my mom has been in rehab 6 weeks and is going nuts. She told me ortho doc released her and she can be discharged from rehab and wants me to come get her and bring her to my house to continue recovery.
Feedback from the Golden Child is No she hasn’t been released, No she is not ambulatory, but it’s fine if she comes to my house till after the holidays and he will start looking for 24 hour care for her as that is what doctor recommended.
It’s funny how six weeks ago they - Golden Child and his wife did not even acknowledge me as a family member but now that the heavy lifting needs to be done he responds. He has weasled out of helping me moving her out of the rehab, loading her in and out of wheelchair, etc. when he was the one who admitted her there.
Everything in me says don’t do this. My brother has known for Years mom needs assisted living. This recent injury is proof. He controls her money - he could have already arranged a place. Waiting till after the holidays to even look for options while I single handedly take on her 24/7 care sounds too much like it will never get done cause he knows I’m stuck.
Yeah right. I'll bet that's absolutely dandy with bro. No worries. And no hurry with his search for the ideal 24 hour care home, either... Perfect!
Smile sweetly and say that you wouldn't want to put mother through the upheaval and discomfort of two moves. Much better to wait until he's found her a permanent placement and then you'll be happy to help.
If the pressure continues, make your smile gradually less sweet until they finally understand the word "no." Take her a nice present for Christmas but don't let her over your threshold.
As one discharge planner said to us once " she's in a bed" (talking about my mom, who was in rehab). I asked what she meant.
She said that doing a "bed to bed" transfer/admission is far easier than trying to get someone admitted into a LTC facility from home.
Your brother and his wife will probably tell you that "that's not true" and that you're stupid, unhelpful, etc.
Smile sweetly and tell him if she's going "home" it's with HIM.
Not you. Never with you.
((((((Hugs))))))).
He will "start" to look for facilities, but he will never finish! As everyone else has suggested, DO. NOT. TAKE. HER. TO. YOUR. HOME.
Keep us updated!
Your brother and mother have systematically kept any knowledge of her condition from you.
In your shoes, I wouldn't engage with them about her care at all. "Oh, you have to talk to brother about that". " No, I can't take mother home. I don't have POA and am not knowledgable about her physical or financial conditions. Talk to brother".
Your family can't have it both ways. They are game players and sound somewhat underhanded in their dealings with you.
Have friendly visits with your mother and "allow" your brother to do the rest.
Take the xmas vibe to her: music, lights, food. (She's probably so bored). Party together!
Then go home alone.
Can you help find a facility for her and give goldilocks the information? Then there is no excuse for her not receiving the care she needs.
NEVER take responsibility without full authority. It is a recipe for complete disaster. I have been there and it was hellish for me and I didn't have someone else that had the authority, I am afraid I would have gone over the edge having to cater to whims of the POA while caring for my dad.
I would talk to the facility and ask if they can do a needs assessment and the TB test she will need, that will help you find the proper facility to meet her needs.
Best of luck and have a Merry Christmas, her fit is nothing but manipulation, so give yourself a lovely Christmas gift and don't own her issues. She did give POA to the sib. These are the consequences of that choice.