Mom wants me to buy her things that I can’t afford. What can I do?

Depending upon how long it’s been since your mom got her first bedside commode, Medicare will pay for another. All you have to do is call a supplier with mom’s info and they can look it up.
You can also find used ones at thrift stores. You can purchase new “buckets” at the medisupply store.
Set up two commodes. The aid can change them both the next morning. She is probably telling them not to empty to manipulate the situation. But just in case she really fills a commode in a few short hours she’ll have a spare.
Now she will probably think of something else. She’s got all day and she’s smart. She gets plenty of rest even though she’s very ill. It’s you who is deprived and needs more rest. Easy to manipulate you being stressed out and all.
Just consider it.

Instead of "abandoning" her, how about setting firm boundaries? That would involve taking her calls only on a schedule you make- can be once a week. Also not going over except one day a week. If she does not like the fact that her poop stinks, she can hire caregivers. I would call Adult Protective Services and tell them that she is neglecting herself, that you have never agreed to be her caregiver and you won't be, and she is demanding help you can't give. That's not abandonment, that's real life.

I just can’t anymore w/what my mother is expecting from me..
Besides her incessant calling she now expects me to come over every day to empty her commode.
Doesn’t matter if the caregiver empties it before she leaves each weekday (Mon-Fri) she’s there, if my mother goes after the caregiver has left, she calls me & says “You need to come over & empty the commode cuz it’s filled”..
That means that every %€cking day, she wants it emptied & who does she expect to do it???
Doesn’t matter if I’m at work or sleeping or whatever, she will call & call within minutes of eachother in a panic telling me “ok, did you get my other messages, I asked you to come & empty this commode, then you can go back to work.. I’ll be waiting for you.”

How TF am I going to get out of having to go there every day to do that??
What can I tell her??
I ask for advice here because I know what I would tell her & it’s not going to be very nice so I’m trying to avoid having to do that.
I think you all understand I’m close the point of total abandonment towards her & im trying really hard to keep that at bay but this has got me really, really boiling.

Hi Hangingon

How are you tonight?

Thanks for the info on how UberEats works. I hope you get good tips because the delivery fee is not much considering how expensive gas is now, at least in my area (appxly $3.45/gal).

Hi Polarbear:).
UberEats has an app that you’d need to download to your phone.
You’d register w/them (name, address, credit card/payment, etc), then you can put in your zip code & all the restaurants that deliver to your area will come up.
You then pick a restaurant & order off the menu.
Then you’ll need to add whether there are any specific instructions for the driver like “please knock, bell is broke”, or “wait outside” (in case you don’t want them to come to your door, you may be waiting outside at a location where you don’t live, etc.
UberEats charges you a $5.00 delivery fee (if may be a bit more in your area), then all you do is wait for your driver to deliver your food.
A picture of the driver will come up if you click on their driver profile.
After your food is delivered, you rate the delivery by leaving either a thumbs up 👍🏽 or down 👎🏽.
Your driver also rates the delivery the same way.
You also have the option of giving your driver a tip, you can choose $1,$2,$5, etc or customize.
Hope this helps.

Very thoughtful of you Polarbear :)

Hangingon - Keep venting here freely. It makes you feel better.

Do you want to talk about your work or something else? It might distract you for a while and give you a some mental break from thinking about your mother.

How was your Uber Eat work tonight? I have never used Uber or Uber Eat. How do they work?

Also, if you're in the mood for some silly jokes, there is a joke thread that I revived a few days ago.  A lot of gook jokes. A good laugh is very good for your health.

She just won’t stop w/the calls.. wish I could change my number.:(

Unbelievable my mother has called me 8 times in the last 3 hours after I TOLD her earlier that I would CALL HER when I’m done w/Work to get her list of what she wanted at the grocery store but she HAS to call & call & call like some kind of relentless bill collector.
I can’t wait till this night is over & her caregiver goes tomorrow.

Rosses003 thank you for all the resource info.
I’ve called a few of those listed & they all said the same thing.
As long as my mother is saying she doesn’t want to go to a 24hr facility, no one can make her.
She has to be diagnosed by a doctor as not being able to make decisions for herself anymore..

And as far as her going into hospice, that was offered to her for her to have in her home but she is refused it.

Even if she did go to a hospital for that in the future, I can’t move into her house because she has a reverse mortgage & I would have to get out immediately when she died because the balance that she owes on it would be due right away & I’d have to sell her house.
Giving up my (current) apartment would not be advisable since i was very lucky to have found one that allows me to have my animals & is affordable.
But I have to say it has been difficult paying my rent because of the car payment..
I wish I could sell this car, & get a cheaper one so my payment wouldn’t be so high but I’m underwater on that loan..
I guess all I can do right now is hope my mother will continue to pay my note until the balance comes down, I could then trade it in, get whatever the dealer will credit me, and roll over the balance due w/the next car (cheaper, less$$) & have a new loan that will be way less for me monthly..I’m hoping to do that.
I was also hoping I could find HUD housing because I’m hearing that they would take a percentage of your income for the rent, something like 30% & that would be ideal because then things wouldn’t be so tight & hard for me to pay my bills.
But I’m told Chicago has done away w/that (HUD).
My mother has repeatedly tried to get me to move back in w/her which I’ve always refused.
Even when I TOLD HER that if she dies (before me), I would be homeless because I’d have to vacate her house when the RM comes due, and she just mumbled something like I’m making it up or whatever..pisses me off to no end.

I don’t drive passengers anymore.
When I first started 2 yrs ago I did, recently I only drive for UberEats.

Ikdrymom the hospital will use their medicar service to bring my mother home when I wouldn’t pick her up because she can not walk up her front porch stairs.
The paramedics bring her in a wheelchair type bed.
I’m telling you all these idiots don’t care or do anything because I’ve told them repeatedly that SHE LIVES ALONE & they keep saying “we can’t force her to do anything she doesn’t want to do”.
That’s it!

If she ends up in the ER the key words to say are “ her home is UNSAFE” and “ there is no one available to be with her “. Just keep repeating that. And most importantly do not show up at the hospital. Refuse to drive her home. My father would go to the ER so often I referred to it as his hobby. I refused to answer the phone when the hospital would call looking for a ride for him. They will call him a cab . I just couldn’t keep up with the sheer volume of rides to and from the hospital anymore.

I was so tired yesterday that my eyes were closing as I wrote the last part of my message. So when I typed “I’d look into abandoning your current life”, what I wanted to say is that I’d look into any thing, any resources available that could help to drastically change your life as it currently is.

Sorry about that, I was totally exhausted! but really hope we can somehow help you Hanging.

Your mom refusing hospice - Your mother’s living conditions and her behavior should be more than enough to declare the situation an emergency and for her to be an indisputable candidate for help, if she’s not think about what’s wrong? What are you not doing or saying, or showing?

B) Please try to really understand this: Your mom is sick MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY. She cannot hep her behavior and she cannot stop having cancer. That is reality. So please don’t close the door of your life and leave your mom behind. Get her the help she needs, it’s not impossible. And still be her daughter, which is what she (and you!) really needs.

Doing a quick search online I found the following resources in Illinois. It would most definitely not hurt to call and seek help:

“What State Senior Services are Provided?

Area Agencies on Aging provide assistance with senior benefit programs, social security, Medicare, eligibility for low-income senior programs including home and community services (some states will provide part-time caregiving in the home through their home and community services program), along with:

Transportation
Home-delivered Meals
Prescription Drug Programs
Healthy Aging Programs
Case Management
Caregiver Training
Senior Activities
Support Groups
Volunteering

What services are offered by the Senior Health Insurance Program (SHIP)?

SHIP is a free counseling service for seniors and pre-retirees and is part of a federal network of State Health Insurance Assistance programs located in every state. SHIP counselors answer questions about Medicare, Medicare Supplement Insurance, Medicare Advantage and Medicaid along with prescription coverage and low-income assistance. You local Area Agency on Aging will have information on SHIP and many provide SHIP counselors to give group presentations.

Find Your Local Area Agency on Aging Office

Illinois Area Agencies on Aging: http://www.state.il.us/aging/

State Senior Services Help Line: 800-252-8966”

..Here is a crazy idea. Let the system help you, not only your mom! Declare yourself in emergency too (you are!). Get well informed about what’s available and doable, and please before you say there is nothing, do some research and make some phone calls.

Lastly, you’ll think this is the craziest advice, but your mom’s situation and yours are extreme, so extreme measures are not crazy to consider. While you get figured out what to do, let your mom pay for your car, just until you get a more clear horizon as to what will be done with her and with you. Because, how much worse can the situation really get? Really..it cannot! BUT don’t simply keep letting her pay for your car over and over! Hurry up, get organized and really focus on determining what your course of action will be.

Also, does she own where she lives? Once she goes to hospice can you move there? That would cut your expenses tremendously.

It may sound like this is advice inducing you to take advantage of your mom, but in both of your situations, it is not.

Think also about the HUGE risk you’re putting yourself and your passengers by driving when you’ve had only a couple of hours to sleep! I’d suggest to keep trying to find a different job. How about customer service representative? Some even work from home. Just ideas, ideas...to see if something doable!

Hangingon - You have been so open and honest on this forum. I feel like i know you so well, and the more I know about your situation, the worse I feel for you. I am really sorry for your situation. I have no word of advice because I can't think of anything that would help.

Your mother is helping to keep you afloat financially, but that very source of help is choking and drowning you at the same time. What a catch 22.

I rarely say or do this, but tonight I said a heart felt prayer for you, Hangingon61. May God bring you help soon. (((((((hug)))))))

Ive been at work since 5:30pm (it’s 9pm now) and she’s called me 6 times saying she needs me to come & empty her commode).
I know when I get to her later (probably around 11:30pm) my tolerance for her is gonna be very low.
I’m thinking of calling her APS guy & tell him I can’t go to see her anymore FROM NOW ON, she will really be alone.
He’s been pussy footing around saying that she’s already getting the allowed number of hours from Medicaid for a caregiver (yeah, 5 days a week, only 4 hours a day). And he said he couldn’t give her anymore..
So your pretty much on your own kid.
He KNOWS hers & mine incomes & that we can’t hire anyone else so basically we’re both *****.
Only thing left is if she falls or hurts herself at home, if she survives, she’ll go to the ER, but those mothers send her right back home because SHE TELLS THEM SHE WANTS TO GO HOME & NO OTHER PLACE cuz she’s able to still make decisions for herself.
Doesn’t matter what I tell the doctors, they all say the same thing..
“We can’t force her to go to a nursing facility”..even though they know she is alone..
I just know if I cut off dealing w/her I HAVE to find another way to make enough to support myself or I’m on the street..
I have so much resentment being in this situation I can’t tell you.because even though I’m taking all this aggravation, I still need her to help me pay my bills..
Makes me feel like a real piece of sh** having to take money from a dying parent but it is what it is..

It sounds to me like you need to focus on you and drive as many hours as you can for Uber so that you make more money to pay for your car. Your mother has been a distraction from your work.

Last year (March 2017) a hospice nurse spoke to my mother about signing on for hospice. She told her all about what they do, how they help etc.
My mother refused.
She told her “yeah I know what you do, I had that for my mother & she died anyway”.
She said “I’m not ready for that yet”.
So no hospice.
She had never seen an oncologist.
She refused ANY treatment for the tumor on her chest except a weekly change of the bandage that a nurse does once a week when she sees her.
Care giver that’s there w/her Mon-Fri 12-4pm has no medical training.
She’s only there to empty commode, light housekeeping, etc.

I completely understand how your mthr is driving you batty. When I started therapy it was in similar conditions - I felt like one of the two of us had to go, however that happened, and I really credit therapy for being what saved me. The first meeting with my therapist, she told me I needed to take a break from mthr until I could effectively say no to her. I was not in the crisis mode as you are where mthr was dying, but I would have felt the same way. Mthr had convinced me I could not live without her.

I would call Adult Protective Services and tell them that she is an adult in need of additional care, and I would tell them what is wrong. And I would say, I can't help her any more that she's been verbally abusive and you have to take care of your own well being before you can help her.

If they don't do anything, fine. You get out of that negative feedback loop. She obviously knows how to use the phone, has access to help, and refuses to use it. You are allowing her to use you, and only you can stop it.

I would tell your doc about this Monday. Tell him, "I want you to give me "doctors orders" that I can't go visit mthr more than 1 day a week.  And write me a prescription for a backbone, or at least an antidepressant that is cheap or free at Walmart." You need someone in authority to help YOU.

You are not Hangingon anymore. You are in crisis mode, get hospice involved, find volunteers to help you and her, she is scared shitless, she is dying a slow painful death, I know my sister had breast cancer that she chose not to treat, it spread throughout her body, it ate her spine away, she wouldn't sleep for fear of not waking up, she sucked the life out of anyone that got close, we were fortunate that there were many people willing to help, from church, she refused all but a half dozen, Why? Who knows but it made it hard on us, I had to minimize contact because she literally sucked my life force. I was exhausted after 5 minutes. I was also pi$$ed beyond measure that she was being so selfish, all this available help refused. She did not care about anyone but herself. So what I just left at 1130pm with a 45 minute drive and its 430am, i need you here.
So, I truly understand how over the top frustrated, angry, annoyed and....that you are. YOU ARE ALL SHE HAS, YOU HAVE ENABLED THIS, STOP IT RIGHT NOW ! Yes, it will take sometime to set up, maybe a week or 10 days but you will have some help on board. Hospice has volunteers that can set with her and tell her that if she refuses, you are done, you'll change your number, move and she will never see you again, period. Do not do this in anger, matter of fact. Tell her that you are not willing to give her your life blood because she wants to be selfish, I would ask her, if she were my mom, are you hoping to kill me with all of these crazy demands? Even if you do mom, guess what, you still die alone, it is not a family venture that anyone can do with you. So if you have any love for me, you will accept the help and let me be your daughter and not your kicking post. I want to see you more but I can't do everything. If you have help in, then I can come over for pizza and visit. Let her know that you are not going to abandon her because someone else is cleaning the commode. You want quality time with her.

I am not trying to hurt you with my words, you are hurt enough. It is time for you to be the adult and put the required care in place, she couldn't possibly be more mad then she is now but you could be dead. Morbidly obese, dizziness, fatigue, sleepless are all HIGH risk factors for stroke and heart attack. TAKE CHARGE NOW, this can be done, get hospice involved, they won't hasten her death but they will make her more comfortable and it may just save your life.

Is your mother on any medications for anxiety and/or depression?

Has she been to the oncologist? Didn't the home care nurse advise that, or am I confusing another thread?

Has anyone talked about her being eligible for hospice services?

If you work out a schedule of going over, say, three evenings a week and calling her on the days you can't go, would that work?

Hangingon it isn't that you could legally be in trouble for cutting communication with your mother. It's that a) it wouldn't work, you'd just find yourself handling a heck of a lot more communication from her, channelled through other people; and b) how would it help?

Your mother has a weeping ulcer from breast cancer. She's very elderly. She's been through a heck of a life. She's on a limited income. You're all she has. C'mon, it's not *unreasonable* for her to cling to you. What would we expect a woman in her situation to do?

But I am extremely worried about you, because in some ways your mother is the least of your worries; and you will never know how closely I sympathise with you because there but for the grace of God. Moreover, if I too don't get my arse into gear (as we say this side of the pond), I'll be borrowing your shoes.

I look around me and within walking distance I have...

the dog
good people as neighbours
a church
a library
a doctor I haven't met yet
a job centre
a range of offices, businesses, and agencies of all sorts

So there *should* be nothing stopping me getting out there, talking to people, and finding a way out of the rut I'll soon be stuck in if I'm not careful. Except that, if I face up to it, I'm scared. What if they don't want me? What if they don't like me? What if they can't help me? It's easier to hide.

How about you? What's outside your door?

I’m wondering if anyone here can answer this..

What can happen to me legally if I completely stopped any contact w/my mother?

Worse case scenario, after she doesn’t hear from me after 24-36 HRs she would probably call the police.
What could she tell them?
The same **** she said last time she called them?
“Oh, I haven’t heard from
My ADULT daughter all day or 2 days & would you please go check on her?”..

So they do that & come over to my apt, I open the door & what can I tell them??

“I’m fine, but I’m not speaking to my mother anymore”???

Can they legally force me or try to talk me into calling her or go see her since she lives alone??

So I don’t do either.
And when she DOES manage to call her caregiver, the senior coordinator in her town, the medic alarm co, her pastor, etc ,whoever & tells them “I haven’t heard from my daughter, please help me would you call her to see why she isn’t calling me??

What do I tell those people??

Yes, my income comes from being a dog walker & driving for Uber.
If I have no car, I have no work.
I’m 56 yrs old.
Bad arthritis in my hips, feet & hands.
I’ve applied to 6 jobs in the past year, not one reply back.
I’m thinking no one will hire me because of my lack of skills in almost anything that would pay a decent wage.
Have a high school diploma but that’s it.
Worked retail jobs, but that was over 20 yrs ago.
I’m not looking for pity but bottom line is I have so much stress from my mother that I KNOW I have some kind of low level depression that is preventing me from doing anything else (that would require a third job??), Hell Im lucky to be able to get out of bed when I wake up in 20 minutes because my arthritis is so bad.
My car loan is under water so I can’t even sell it to get another cheaper one.
Bad credit majority of my life so I always had to pay higher intnerests on car loans, credit cards etc.
Whose to blame for that??
No one but myself I agree.
But life hasn’t been too kind (as for most of us I know) and some of us can deal w/those issues when they come up, others not so well.
I’m the latter.
I have made list after list as someone suggested as to what my expenses are in regard to income.
Bottom line, I’m not making enough.
My payout exceeds my income but like I mentioned earlier, I can’t find any other jobs that will pay me me more.
And why should they?
I’m a “laborer”, “blue collar” whatever you want to call it so the wage is
Always less for someone who does menial work that a worker who uses his brain right??
I can’t cut any of my expenses because I need them.
I don’t have cable tv.
I’m not a clothes, shoes or makeup whore.
I haven’t bought new clothes in over 8 yrs.
I shopped @ Lane Bryant years ago when they held their yearly sale & I had to charge that purchase on my LB credit card.
I can’t get HUD housing where I live because it’s not available here.
As I’m posting this, it’s 1am & my mother has called me 4 times since midniite, fake crying saying “why don’t you come over & check on me?”
“Come over just for a few minutes”.
it’s 1 o clock in the morning!!!
She doesn’t give a ** about me having to go out alone at this hour & she knows how bad the crime is in our area..
She’s even called the police before & told them she “hadn’t heard from me all day & wanted to make sure I was alright” so the police come ringing my bell @ 3:45am & tells me “does your mom live alone?”.
“Yes, I tell them”.
I also told them she has anxiety & beggining stage of dementia.
That I was sorry she bothered them w/making them come out for this.
They were very nice & said “we understand”..
I don’t sleep well, was very dizzy all day so I did t go over to my mothers.
I spoke to her earlier & told her how I was feeling, she said “yeah, I’ve been very dizzy too, what time are you coming over?”.
I didn’t call her back so she starts & makes multiple calls tonight.
I think I’m getting an ulcer.

Your mother is the most evil, vile, toxic individual I can imagine. In your place, I would thrown in the towel. Take her to the ER and say she's falling down, can't live by herself, no one to take care of her, over to you guys. The. End.

If her job is driving for Uber, her car is her livelihood. Just want to point that out.

Hanging,

I really wish you could realize that based on your posts your life needs a complete change so you can actually live it (i.e. survive it!).

I know your mother plays a huge role in all this, but I’ve to tell you, the main problem is YOU.

I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but I believe someone has to tell you this. You are the one allowing your life to become a self destroying hurricane.

You are responsible for changing it. About your economical situation, seat down and write down all your expenses, be honest as to what you really spend (it’s easy to use “should be” numbers instead of realistic ones). And start making changes so you can live within your means!

That alone will make a huge difference in your life. Is there public transportation where you are? Or anyone that could give you a ride to work? Think, really think outside the box! It’s not ideal to be left without a car but you only get to have a car if you can afford it! I’m not being sarcastic, I’m being realistic. Now, if sacrificing other things you could pay for the car then do that. Or maybe get a much cheaper car. Something, anything different than your current situation.

If the reason you’re going over budget is your mom (I honestly doubt it), well, stop! I don’t read a lot of guilt in your posts, just annoyance and tiredness, so you won’t have guilt stopping you, I don’t think. Just stop paying for things you cannot afford for your mom as well as for you!

Also realize that you need to get out of that circle of un-healthiness you’ve going on! Make an effort to go for a walk..everyday if you can! If you are going to stop visiting your mom after work then use the time wisely! A half an hour walk would do miracles for you, for your mind, your heart (your physical heart and your emotional one) and your body!! Get on going Hanging, your animals will appreciate you more taking care of yourself in a healthy way than laying down with them. Food and animal hugging is very comforting I know, I understand...but it’s not healthy and you should tell your doctor about what’s really going on, to see if you can get better help.

Let me repeat, even if you take your mom out of the equation YOUR life seems to need a complete overhaul!!

Please realize this Hanging. You need to give this priority so you stop thinking about driving the car up to a wall..and the only thing that stops you is your animals...Read your own comment, you’ll see your life is screaming for help and a change...and only YOU can do this! (And you really can, trust me. We all can make changes if we really want to).

Be Aware, be responsible, be loving (to yourself) and TAKE ACTION!

God bless you.

I really feel for you. Please know we are all pulling for you.

You aren't going to change your mother. You can only change yourself.

Do not take her money. She will hold it over you and cause more stress. Take on a third job or more hours before you do that. I know that sounds terrible but you gotta do what you gotta do....and it will provide you with an excuse not to see her.

Set up a schedule to visit her. No more popping over after work. You need to relax after work. You need time to spend with your furbabies. This every night stuff has to stop. Pull back a little. Visit for a short time M-W-F.

Start agreeing with her when she says you don't want to spend time with her. She says that so you feel bad and try to assure her she is not a burden.

Will she allow any outside help to come in? Explore free programs. If not, lay it all out to her. You can't keep up this pace and her only choices are go into assisted living or get more home health aids. If she doesn't like that ....too bad. She will either get over it or die mad.

You need to get yourself healthy. Her stressing you is causing you to do self destructive things, like over eating which brings on more health issues. I was having alot of health issues due to stress. I dropped some weight and all my pains went away. Please put yourself first.

There is no easy answer. We all backslide, but you have to try and make a few steps forward. I recently agreed to at least call a place to see what the cost would be for my father to move...his new obsession. I am so mad at myself for agreeing to do it. Of course I am not jumping right on it as I have alot of issues at work to deal with and just don't have the time during the day. He will have to just live with that.

Please sit down and make a plan on how you want to live your life. You can do this.

All good advice here thanks you guys but the thing is to be totally honest here is I’m suffering terribly financially (am close to having my car repo’d because I haven’t made the last 3 payments..
My mom knows this (yet she complains constantly about me having to work night & day to make ends meet & wants me to go over to her house to “check on her” every day after work.
So she’s offered to pay my car notes so my car won’t get taken back (then she’s really be up creek because not only will that prevent me from working but I won’t be able to see her anymore..
Won’t have money to take a taxi or UBER to her house so the main reason she’s willing to pay is because it will affect HER as well.
So whenever she pays a bill (of mine), I’m indebted to her going forward & then guilted into doing what she wants me to do..
After she’s paid a bill for me, there are times when I’m at work, she’s already called me 10 times that day & each message get increasingly angrier (because I have her number blocked so it goes straight to my voice mail, which aggravated her to no end..
She expects me to pick it up EVERYTIME she calls so when that doesn’t happen, she’ll say “oh, so you took the money I gave you but you don’t wanna come & see how I’m doing now right??”
“I’m of no use to you now so you figure, the Hell w/her huh?”..
Things like that.
I swear sometimes I want to drive my car straight into a wall & cut all this life off but I have my animals at my place who would die by the time someone found me..
I have a doctor appointment this Monday (my doc needs to refill my BP meds & she won’t do it unless I see her every 6 months & I’m due) & do you think she’s going to want to refer me to a psych doc when I tell her how I’m feeling??
You know how the doctor will ask you (at least mine have).. “so how have you been?”

I’m going to tell her the following:
My weight gain (she wrote in my chart that I’m “morbidly obese”), is directly attributed to my food addiction.
I KNOW I’m addicted, it’s not because of lack of willpower, I have willpower when it comes to other things in my life, just not food.
Food is my medicine.
My comfort.
My drug.
OK, so I have constant pain in my feet, legs, hips, back, occasional chest pain that’s been acting up the last 2 weeks.
Trouble sleeping I average about 5 hrs a night.
I know I have fibroids but I’m still getting my period (I know, I’m almost 56 yrs old & it should have stopped years ago, but I have skipped a period last Aug/Sept/Oct/Nov/Dec/Jan of 2017, then BOOM, got a period 2 weeks ago, so last year I thought I was entering menopause but again, I started up again this month..
The pain in my lower body makes me want to scream most days, so when I work which requires a lot of driving & walking, when I have to go see my mother after work, I’m half dead but I need to get her stuff done, laundry, change her bed sheets, clean out her commode, fix her sandwiches for the next day, fill her water jugs, pay her bills online.
When she starts up w/me I’m ready to blow a gasket.
She keeps the heat on 78-80 degrees.
First thing I have to do when I go in her house is cut off that damn heat!!
My blood pressure goes thru the roof, I cannot take that kind of heat.
She’ll start right away “don’t you dare turn my heat off!!”..
I tell her “if I don’t lower it, I can’t stay, you know I can’t tolerate it this hot”..
Then she’ll say “oh yeah, any excuse to not spend time w/me huh kid??”.

You know just writing about this is making my damn head hurt.
I gotta stop for now & go lie down.
I’m wishing you all a good night.
Thank you so much for letting me get this out here.xo